"This is the wrong guy."
"No it's not. Look at his face. Just look at that nose." The now-chicken-like neck cried out with cracks and groans when I turned the chin so Garret could get a better look. This, you see, didn't help my case.
"His nose is flat from YOUR hammer. This is the wrong fuckin' guy."
Well, shit. "Come on, Garret, you don't know that. I mean, you can't really tell what his face looks like now, but I saw it before we got at him. I swear, it's the right one."
But by that point he was already pulling out his phone, already prepared to unleash an underground-network-wide campaign of wrath upon me. He knew I fucked up. I knew I fucked up.
So what did I do? I grabbed the slumped-over guy with half a face, heaved him up over my shoulder, and ran out of my alley. Where was I gonna go? No idea. But I had a mostly-dead body to get rid of, a mob of pissed-off killers after me, and about two hours to get the hell out of Dodge.
You tell me what you would've done.
Author notes
rsheafer
A contest entry
- "How it all Started" by Andrew Timothy.
250 points, ended September 15, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short and Sweet by abba12.
175 points, ended October 2, 2007, 38 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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basicly everything im thinking regarding this story is summed up in the below comment. you really need just a little more description, not so much to give it away, but enough. its a great started but now we need more
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Well, you have my attention for the story. But would you be able to hold it? This is an interesting beginning, but I feel it needs more description. Where are they? What does it look like?
It's written pretty well. The only thing I noticed was this:
"But I had a mostly-dead body to get rid of and a mob of pissed-off killers after me, and about two hours to get the hell out of Dodge." This should be listed as a three item/comma. Like this: "to get rid of, a mob of...after me, and..." okay?
Other than that, pretty good. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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