the row

Give me a baby,

whose name is engraved.

You can bring what you saved,

in that porcelain jar

in the long years before

we decided to to travel to infinity

And had our first Row

Oh, but how

Joyous is our love

when that----------------------------------------------jar

goes flying

across the room

And boom!

Crack! It smacks hard against the wall and scatters little silver dreamings into the bright

b
e
y
o
n
d

What did you think those coins would become?

Were you saving so Ruth could be some new-eyed fresh-faced Sophomore

of some Great University?

Where she could be stamped cookiecutterquick

into a doctor-lawyer-advertisingexecutive-marinebiologist?

But then you happened to miscarry

And perhaps I was misled.

When I said your fortitude

Had gotten to your HEAD.

You just aren't the same person anymore.

Holdme,iloveyou,andathousandotherutterances

Patches On A Wound.

That will just open up again.

(and prob'ly happen soon)

Author notes

Wrote this in class.

Row = British slang for an argument. Sounds like "now", not like "low".

"I have read the rules and if I qualify for the Round 1, I will continue onwards to the finals."

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Delfishie
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oooohhhh, very nice. I really liked your imagery and the different tricks you did with the letters. Shades of ee cummings.

    I think my favorite part of the poem was the 'cookiecutterquick' bit. It reminded me of the opening song of this show "Weeds." The song is called "little houses" and it's honestly the major reason why I watch the show in the first place. If you have a chance, you should give it a listen.

    Very good poem. Very excellent description.


  • Asfand
    September 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Weirdly Beautiful ?

    I am not at all fimiliar with this format or type of writing, though I HAVE seen it before ~

    I cannot say I really like it, it sort of messed up the meaning of poetry ~ the softness, to lush words that seek out to kindle fires in hearts ~

    However, I must agree on its originality. The title was not so creative ~

    I don't like the 'wordswrittentogether' that really took me time to decipher even ~

    Is this dirty-pretty poetry, because I am not sure ~ if you're on AP, you might have heard of it ~

    The imagery was well done, theme was okay ~ but you made it special ~

    A unique entry ~

    Good luck and thanks for entering ~

    Title ~ 8.7/10
    Depth ~ 8.9/10
    Imagery ~ 14.3/15
    Format ~ 9.7/10
    Feeling ~ 9/10
    Theme ~ 18.9/20
    Flow ~ 12.4/15
    Understanding ~ 10/10

    Total ~*~ 91.9/100


  • callthexylophone
    September 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Co-Judge Callthexylophone

    I believe I've read this before........ but since the author (that would be you) is blocked, I'm not sure where. All the better. Fantastic poem, with only some roughness. It's those first two lines: a bit cliche to me. However, the rest is a great poem between.... a married couple? Idk. Still great.
    Title ~ 8/10 (I didn't like how it wasn't capitalized)
    Depth ~ 9/10
    Imagery ~ 14/15
    Format ~ 11/10 (Very original. Plus plus for you.)
    Feeling ~ 9/10
    Theme ~ 18/20
    Flow ~ 13/15 (Those two first lines mess me up)
    Understanding ~ 9/10

    Total ~*~ 91/100
    Good luck in the contest.