I could break your ovaries
like the eggs in my omelet
I could give a withered glance
and then let the insides spill...
I would lick up all the juices
and I would enjoy the taste
of every generation you will never be the start of.
of every single baby you won’t squeeze from out your cunt.1
And the stunt you pulled today?
With the furs and his reaction?
Do you think that the attraction
between my husband and yourself
wasn’t felt?
like the heat of a cat beneath the moonlight?
I could smell it.
and the furs? Oh the furs! He loves the furs. 2
You knew everything that I knew
because I told you then,
when I thought that I could trust you
when I thought that I could use you
to remember, to remember!
just how good it felt to be
to be young
without my morals
to be free
without my guidelines
to be me
without the bindings
that have kept me here in hiding
in the shadow of my husband
for thirty seven years.
You’re a trollop
with your cleavage
almost pushed up to your ears.
When you wandered to his workplace
in your heels and your furs
Knowing just how much my husband
always loves the feel of furs...
I told you and you used me
in a plan to make him yours...
And I know how much my husband
always loves the feel of whores...3
I could slam your uterus
and the sound would be like hammers
I could cut off both your breasts
and I could shave off all your hair
I could take away everything
that makes you a real woman
And only leave a shadow
of the thing that he had wanted.4
The neighbors both believe
that my husband isn’t haunted.
The neighbors both believe
that a man who’s so unwanted
is alone.
But the neighbors don’t know all there is to know
about devotion
and emotion
and the passion that has bound me
for thirty seven years to a man who cannot see,
to a man who has forgotten
all the love that I have given
in exchange for almost nothing
but a ring, a house, and clothes,
And you offered me a friendship,
and I poured out all my woes
And you used me and you fucked him,
for what reasons?
Jesus knows. 5
I could fry your fingers
or your eyelids, one by one
I could rip away your lifetime
and tear it to tiny shreds
I could suck out all your pleasure
to replace my murdered bliss
I could take away your smile
and those lips he likes to kiss
I could break away your skullcap
or add acid to your tea...6
...But there’s no way I could hurt you
in the way that you hurt me
Author notes
Oh, and just in case anyone is interested, I am NOT middle-aged, married, or planning a gristly revenge.
At least, for the last one, not any time soon. *grins*
For Contest:
Age: 24
Gender: F
Favorite Quote: "...Lead me on even unto those grinning caverns of earth's centre where Nyarlathotep, the mad faceless god, howls blindly in the darkness to the piping of two amorphous idiot flute-players." - H.P. Lovecraft
In a list
A contest entry
- Options Again... by On.Cue.
404 points, ended March 30, 2008, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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O.O...............you sure you aren't married? it's so...just WOAH!
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That is amazing.
I'm speechless.
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Sweeeeet.
The ending hits hard, and sums the whole thing up. The whole poem holds an angry and forlorn feel, but the end is miserable and distraught. I also liked how it rhymed there, in the last line.
The parts you did make rhyme were rhymed nicely, and were a pleasant treat, but I don't think there was any consistency to how you rhymed. It's okay to have rhyming parts and non-rhyming parts, but where they are is seemingly random. Though looking back, you did use them well, actually.
The first line is strange. In fact the whole first stanza had me questioning what I was reading. That's more a personal thing, though, I suppose. I think my personal feelings on that are more the amount of...bodily reference you have. I'm not comfortable with that, but many people are, so who am I to talk?
The use of repetition is marvelous. Your imagery is incredible - the descriptions you use to show what the woman looks like.
Here's a few lines I especially liked:
Stanza 3: Last six lines. I like how you replaced the word "furs" with "whores" there. I've always been partial to rhyming, and I found this to be clever and ingenious.
Stanza 4: The overall general feel, but mostly the last line. The hate in that stanza is remarkable.
And of course, after Stanza 6: The last lines. I loved those, as I mentioned.
I like the other lines as well, but those especially were fantastic.
You had what I thought was a typo somewhere in the beginning; second stanza, third question. Is that supposed to be a question?
(Shouldn't you have put the information for the contest in your comments area? XD)
Anyway, this is a very good poem. The beginning wasn't nearly as good as the end; beginning is to hook the reader, and ending is to give them the proper feel. Just be careful about that. But good imagery, great last line, wonderful feeling. I really felt it. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I really love the title. It's the only metaphor in the poem, and I like how it sets the mood, and sets the repeating theme of the furs. Very creative.
My. The critique is almost as long as the poem.
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Very angry! You showed strong feelings that are really in you're face. Wouldn't want to make that character angry.
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Absolutely wonderful! Your work is very passionate and colorful, and easy for the reader to relate to... The best part is how you use features common only to women to destroy this person. A man always feels he is less of a man when it comes to grisly matters of the penis... not too many people understand that a woman feels the same way about her unique parts as well. Beautifully done!
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very good. I love the description, and I think the poem is simply amazinggggggg!
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Thoughts
I am still debating a bit about this for some odd reason as to the concept of it but nevertheless it was enjoyable -
EXCELLENT
You.ve done a wonderful job expressing the anger in this character. If it wasn't for your author note, I would have thought this is a real experience.
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WOW
You go girl!!! this was one hell of a fantastic write. Gripping and fasinating. I loved it. Keep up the great work. -
Hello Megan: I've felt like this poem sometimes... Very well done!
Anaya Roma
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That was amazing!!! It's so touching. You can really feel the energy and emotion in this poem!! Love it!
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