If she fails, will she try again or follow through?
Knocks on the door. No answer.
But wait—a rustling, and then the door produces a scantily-clad sister.
“We need to talk.”
Ok. Now?
“It would be best.”
Another time, the older with the selfish resolve comments on the younger’s bed being infested with cat feces. The younger exclaims.
Older thinks exclamation was hostile and unsuitably retaliates. The younger storms out and does not return for several hours.
Walking, and this in ten-degree weather.
This time, the older says, “Clean up after yourself or I’m moving out.”
But you can’t break the lease?
“I can if I find a sub-leaser.”
…
“Or you can live alone.”
For five fifty a month!
“Yes.”
…
“You never do the dishes. You never scoop the kitty litter. You never take out the trash.”
The younger storms away. She tends to storm.
At another time, the older comforted the younger after a difficult breakup that proved itself temporary.
The younger chose to clean perfectly every day after work and post her every cleaning activity on a public Cleaning Log.
The older discovers the log and wonders, “Why are you keeping a log? I’m not that ridiculous.”
Then the younger, to the older: Is it more ridiculous for you to threaten to move out because of dishes, or for me to record having done them in retaliation?
The older is silenced, but understanding.
It was so hard for me. You let me sleep and then forced me into activities. So good to me, and I hardly spoke between weeping and sobs.
Author notes
6 - Flash Fiction. Stories that are under five hundred words. Browny points for science-fiction.
A contest entry
- The Party Platter by Trinity Dragon.
338 points, ended October 2, 2007, 6 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Oh, and: This is based on true events. My sister and I used to get along really easily, back in the day. So we thought we'd try it out as adults, without a parent to supervise. Didn't go over so well.
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Style was my attempt at post-modernism.
More specifically, Donald Barthelme's style.
I haven't really figured out how to make it effective yet... but I think when someone does it right, it's the most powerful style. The point is to list things in grocery-list style of facts, not conveying any emotion, but listing things that should elicit emotion... so that the reader is almost a little disturbed that the narrator doesn't recognize emotion when it's so obviously present. Like I said, I still haven't figured out how to do it right (obviously--this "Record" is a piece of crap), but I'll work on it. Thanks for your comment. -
Eh, it is short. I wouldn't know much about sibling rivalry, especially between sisters. But it leads me to question: What in the world would posess two sisters to live in the same apartment?
Anyway, the style was not the best I've seen. And there really wasn't a plot. It was more like random scenes than a story.
However, it was a peculiar take on the topic and kudos for that.
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