She was determined to have him but he stood firm, resisting all her efforts for the most part. Daily, there was a little inroad into attaining her desire and there had been some small victories here and there; a break in his staunch facade now and then. These had been hard won though and through extreme measures. Not something she had the energy to do on a daily basis. Still, she continues, day after day, seeking to find a weak spot somewhere that will lead her to his heart. 1
Occasionally he would try to fortify himself against her. Closing off a weak spot she had found and given special attention to. This would frustrate her for the moment but she always found another eventually. Her continuous barrage of whispers, caresses and flirting was wearing him down, but so slowly it was almost indiscernible. That he would give even this small amount to her each day gave her hope. 2
When the frustrations got to much for her, she would rage against him. Her soft enticing whispers becoming shrieks of fury. The gentle caresses hard hitting fists pounding against him. She would strut in front of him, putting aside her seductive flirting for a more direct approach. At these times he would fall into her arms, for a moment but only for that brief time. He is very strong, and perhaps knows that if he gave in entirely, the fun would be over. 3
So the battle continues, down through the ages. The sea ever seeking to take the land in, to become one. 4
Author notes
I'm not really sure if this qualifies as a story. It's very short but definately didn't see it as a poem.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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...wow...wow...wow...excellent work...I was so floored at the end...I could've sworn this was romance...
*bows in awe*
Keep writing, seriously. =D
-HT
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O.O
Okay, this is like the epitome of awesome writing...I'd NEVER have thought of the sea this way...Bravo!
-HT
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this is pretty good written very poetically actually, Nice
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You need a semi colon after there in 3rd line of first paragraph.
A never ending battle for love. I wonder why it is that some people try to harden themselves against it?
Though you use the metaphor of land and sea to emcompass your short story, you could also use another like, a storm of emotions that rage on through eternity.
Keep writing and thanks for visiting my page.beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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Good Piece of writing
This is very good. The only suggestion I would make is, rather than in paragraph 4 referring to the the sea and land by titles maybe you could refer to them as if Sea and Land were their names. It would keep it in the same context as the rest of your piece and people will still be able to see that it is talking about erosion.
Hope this helps
Nikkibeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 6, ending: 4, characters: 5.
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Thanks so much for coming to my site of Guilty Pleasures. I know you didn't make a comments so I'm not sure if you enjoyed it or not, but I really appreciate the support of coming to my site. I love writing poetry on Allpoetry but haven't gotten a lot of feedback. The same goes for StoryWrite. Just having traffic really gives the insentive to keep posting.
I really liked your short story, Endless Desire, because it could really fall into both story or poetry. It had so many different meanings in it and I love that you weren't explicit in them so that I could interpret for myself. Continue with your great work. It's wonderful. -
Even if they do give in now and then just for the fun of it
I've been trying to do another short story like this but can't seem to find anything in nature that compares to hunan relationships quite so well as the land and sea.
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amusing.
Hehe.. Wow, wonderful story... and the combination of love story and geological fact. Thank Gaea for plate techtonics! -
OOOH I love it. I really really love it. The ocean as a metaphor for love I've seen done many times - but love as a metaphor for the ocean! Fabulous, so very creative!! I thought I knew exactly what it was about, and was wondering where it was going... and then with the second to last sentence I thought that seemed an odd hyperbole to use, and then with the final one was just like...
! I love surprise endings. This is probably one of the best short, short stories that I've read, no joke. Please keep writing these...
Oh, and also be careful about your punctuation: "there had been some small victories here and there. A break in his staunch facade now and then." should be one sentence, not two. Lapses in grammar can be a useful tool in your writing - in fact, I once wrote an entire scene of a novel in broken, incomplete sentences - but for a story so alluring and seductive as this, I feel it detracts from the overall picture. Aside from that though, this was fabulous. Absolutely fabulous. Keep it up!! -
Nice Piece
Nice Piece.Nice conceit-I'm using that in the good sense -
Thank you very much.
This was inspired by a friend who lives in California. He was laughing that the complex which sat between his and the sea had been undermined and fallen into the sea (No one hurt fortunately) giving him a new glorious view of "The Lady". My thought was, you know, if she took that bit, she may be coming for you next!
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