Sharon turned over and looked at the clock 7:30 she had fell asleep, Jamie was gone. She felt a sudden rush of panic over take her, she got up off the bed and ran out the room, there was Jamie on the couch watching cartoons with Gary.1
“Morning mommy,” Jamie said with a grin.2
“Fresh pot of coffee in the kitchen Sharon, want some?” Gary asked.3
“Sure, I could use some.” She walked over to the couch and sat with Jamie, “You okay baby?”4
“Yep, sure am.” He said eyes still fixed on the Television. Gary handed her the cup of coffee, “Thanks.”5
“I didn’t think it a good idea going into work today, so rang in for the both of us okay.” Gary said to Sharon.6
“I’m fine honestly.”7
“Well that’s not what Dave told me on the phone, he said you seemed a bit off yesterday as if something had been troubling you. He said to take a few days off that everything was under control there and for you not to worry.” 8
“I’m fine Gary, honest, guess I was just tired or something.”9
“So why did Joy come and see me yesterday also? She was worried about you too.”10
“Just got a freight is all, her front door was open and she wasn’t replying when I called for her.”11
“Okay, but you would tell me if anything was wrong wouldn’t you?”12
“Yes, of course I would.” Sharon sat gazing into her coffee unable to look up at Gary in case he saw the fear in her eyes.13
“So if I have today off, I guess I’ll take Jamie to school, what do you say kiddo.”14
“Yeah, that’d be cool.” Jamie said with a gleeful face.15
“Okay, go and get dressed and I’ll make some breakfast.” Sharon and Jamie both got up off the couch leaving Gary sitting there.16
20 minutes later Jamie came into the kitchen fully dressed, and sat down at the table, and started to eat breakfast. 17
Jamie finished his breakfast and put the bowl in the sink, “I’m ready mommy.”18
“Okay honey I’ll be right there.” On the way to Jamie’s school there was silence, Jamie sat in the passenger seat playing with his action man and Sharon kept her eyes on the road. “Mommy, you know last night? That lady said you were in danger and that I needed to go with her, to keep safe. How come you’re in danger?” Keeping his eyes on his toy.19
“In danger? It was just a dream baby, don’t worry, nothings going to happen.” Sharon felt the tears piercing her eyes.20
“You’re not going to leave me mommy are you? Please don’t ever leave me.” 21
“I’m not going any where honey so don’t you worry your pretty little head about that.” Sharon reached over and rubbed his head for reassurance. She remembered the night she had said that to her mother after a bad dream and how the week after that had progressed.22
July 19th 1968.23
Sharon woke up sobbing, mommy, you can’t leave me. The room was dark the only light was from her night light in the other side of the room, but for some reason it seemed brighter tonight. Maybe it was dawn and the sun had started to come up, but this was a different kind of light, such a warm feeling to it. She turned her head to look around the room and there was a lady sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room, “It’s okay Sharon, I’m here to help you. Don’t be afraid.” The woman said in a soft tone barely audible, “where’s my mommy?” Sharon asked.24
“She’s sleeping, it is okay, I’m not going to hurt you, I’m here to protect you.”25
“Protect me, why? Am I in trouble? It wasn’t me who did it honest.” The lady rose and walked over to the bed.26
“You’re going to be alright, don’t worry, I’m here to look after your mommy also. There’s something going to happen, you know the dream you just had? That’s just a sign of it. Don’t worry, I will try and not let it happen.”27
Sharon remembered her dream, her mother was standing at the sea front crying, she couldn’t reach her mother no matter how hard she tried. She watched the sky go dark. And then something was about to happen and just before it had happened she woke up.28
“Where is my mommy?” Sharon started to panic29
“She’s okay Sharon, she’s sleeping right in the next room. Come with me Sharon, it’s the only way you’ll be safe. You’ll be able to come back once all this is over.” The lady held out her hand.30
“I can’t come with you, I don’t even know who you are and my mommy told me never to talk to strangers, how come you’re here in my room, who are you?” Sharon said backing away from her.31
“Don’t you recognise me? I’m your grandmother.”32
“You can’t be my grandmother, she died a long time ago, my mommy told me.”33
“I’m here to protect you Sharon, please don’t worry.” Sharon began to get worried.34
“Mommy! Mommy, help me mommy please.” Sharon looked towards the door.35
“Shh…Sharon it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” Suddenly the door opened and the light went on.36
“What’s the matter Sharon?” Her mother and farther were now in the room. Sharon quickly turned towards where the lady had been standing, the woman was gone.37
**38
“Mommy, we’re here now.” She heard a small voice.39
“Yes baby I know.” Sharon pulled up to the sidewalk, and Jamie leaned over and gave her a kiss and a hug. “Have a nice day babe, and I’ll come get you when school is finished.” Sharon said squeezing him.40
“Okay mommy see you then.” He got out the car and ran towards his friends.41
Author notes
Erm, I'm not sure on this part.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Nothing missing with the content- in my opinion. I would blend back some of the dialog in the first 17 lines into the narrative of the top paragraph. Keep some of the dialog. I think the flashback is effective. This is where the biggest bang for the word is happening. The tie between Sharon's odd experience and her son's own is very effective too. I think this holds the reader's interest.
language: 5, plot: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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u know wot where did i get all these points from?omg i have 202 points they kinda automaticly just popped up on the screen i am SOOO confuzzled where they cum form
i was great with my 168 points hmoh lool i liked the beginning of thi spart
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sounds like a cycle of events
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excellent
Skillful narration, filling in the gaps from the past nicely done, tension continues and even building higher,
I am off again. Thanks for the very pleasant evening. -
I think this is one of the best parts... please let me know when you have more written. You are building it layer by layer and each new layer adds to the mystery and intrigue. I could totaly see this as a movie.
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I agree with AnnD it's building up very nicely!
Red -
Oh Nat, these are amazing!!!!!!!!!!! I love this one I am dying to know who that woman is now
I can't wait for part 10
Karen
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oooh this is really building up so nicely...
love the way it reverts to her past experiences
this is quite eeerie...and a great story..
oh as usual you have me on the edge of my seat waiting for the next part.
Well done..this is great.
Ann -
Well shoot i would have had to read Part 10 first
Will have to go back to the first one
Nicely done
Do come see me wont ya
Blessings
Susan~~~~ -
you dark horse RANTS!
I didn't know you were such a fantastic storywriter majigger... You kept my attention pretty well. i liked the way yopu introduced characters and. damn it was just good writing ok? A few spelling errors and grammar but...
do you need an editor? I'll do it!
Jadey xXxXx
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You should come back from you exciting weekend 'overseas' renewed -so start writing Nat. I really like any tales of the spirit world and I'm looking forward to the next instalment.
~Von~ -
My goodness, i am new to this site and i have JUST read ALL ten
sections of this collection. Ha ha i am hoooked, has the addiction level of "Bold and the Beautifull" ~EXCEPT~ your's has a fantastic, relative story line ;o)!!!!!
I lost my wonderful mum on october the 7th 2002 and i so want to
believe in spirituality again. Maybe this is what your story is about, maybe not.
I neeeeeeeed the next installment ha ha I neeeeeeed it.
You have a great writing style, I am eager to find out more, i find
your story telling easy to read and compelling.
Ummm, Episode/Section 11, soooon?????????????? he he he -
you're absolutely excellent with all the little detail work in writing a story, what I call 'filler', it sort of seems unimportant but is necessary in building up the feel of each scene..you have the knack for that perfectly!!!
I sort of knew this 'person' had to be from another plane, but I won't hazard a guess on who this woman is coming to her now...is it still her grandmother??? and my big question is, where does this person want to take Jamie, and take her when she was a child?? A very big mystery building up here, I can't wait to find out how this all ends....super job!!!!
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has it perhaps transfered to a personal experience?
just curious
you know children are very perceptive, more than adults
they hear and see things we could never imagine in the real world.
kinda took me back to a movie this past year
on how a child could see ghost.
very good writing skills
keep em' coming!
Tamara -
I love how you make this pararell with the past...this story is building Nat and I really love how you are shaping this up
Ready for next part now girl...great job you are doing
~~Dawn -
has it perhaps transfered to a personal experience?
just curious
you know children are very perceptive, more than adults
they hear and see things we could never imagine in the real world.
kinda took me back to a movie this past year
on how a child could see ghost.
very good writing skills
keep em' coming!
Tamara
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