One Girl

A girl who changes everything
To fit in in this world
Cannot change a single thing
Without a new world unfurled.

A girl who's fat, thin, or spotty
Is cast away from her school.
She'll lose weight, gain it, or try Clearasil
But Barbies are always too cruel.

She hides in a corner, waiting
Waiting for her one big chance.
But when nothing she does helps her
She can only die in a trance.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Shiki
    January 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well I tend to be more strict in contest so here goes. But don't get discouraged by constructive comments instead try to improve
    This poem is a little too short for me and the words that you've used isn't enough to make me feel the sadness that it should depicts. I suggest extending the poem and try to use more "bombarstic" words to incease the emotions in this poem Don't give up you can still enter 2 more entries or redit it and message me to tell me to re-read it good luck


  • Melissa Loves Jeffy
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Let me give you some advice and wisdom. "Barbies" are just that. they are plastic and fake. Don't try to be like them. Just be yourself. You are most likely better that way. Great right. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. Oh and this one fits the contest so good job lol.

  • Melissa Loves Jeffy
    November 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this isnt what i was looking for. Did you read the rules. Its a goog poem thoe but I'm afraid it cant be in my contest.


  • Surreal Rhapsody
    November 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thats so sad. I like it how u put so much feeling into it. It was a really awesome poem.


  • Taylor Renee
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was really sad! And very true.

    It's sad but nicely written. The rhyming's a little stressed, but not bad!

    You did really well, so sad!

    Thank you so much for the great read, and good luck!

    xoxo
    Tay

  • abba12
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a good write, i can really relate as ive been bullied for as long as i can remember about everything under the sun. however this is a story contest, not a poem contest, and im DQing poems. im sorry. its still a great write though, thank you.

1 - 6 of 6