…Falling into in to oblivion,1
Falling, falling, arms out stretched,2
Waiting, wanting someone to save me from myself…3
Sharon barely slept that night, all she could think about was the woman in her dream off earlier and the woman who had been in the office. “Who the hell were they, why come to me?” She lay asking herself. She turned at looked at the clock, 3am. “Just sleep would you?” She said to herself in her head.4
She finally decided to get up, it was sending her crazy lying in bed, suddenly there was a crash in her apartment, and it came from Jamie’s room.5
“Gary!” Sharon yelled, 6
“There’s something coming from Jamie’s room.” Gary jumped out of bed with a start, and they both ran to see what the bang had been. They entered his room and Jamie was sitting up in bed.7
“Mommy, I’m scared. Who was the lady in my room?” Sharon headed towards the bed. She took Jamie in her arms she felt him shaking uncontrollably.8
“What lady Jamie?” She asked.9
“I don’t know, she was talking to me, she told me to go with her, but I said no. And then my fort fell off the dresser, and she seemed to have gotten frightened and disappeared.”10
“Disappeared? Where did she go Jamie?”11
“I don’t know, it was kinda dark and I never really seen.”12
Sharon watched Gary looking around the room, in the wardrobe, under the bed, but there was nothing there.13
“I’m going to go check the rest of this place, she couldn’t have got out, she’ll be here somewhere.” Gary left the room.14
“It’s okay baby, don’t worry, she’s gone now.” Sharon reassured him, but couldn’t seem to put the thought out of her head, that someone was watching her.15
“It’s okay Jamie, lie back down and go to sleep, she’s not here, it must have been a bad dream or something.” Sharon reassured Jamie.16
Gary came back into Jamie’s room, “no one in the house and there is no sign that someone has been in.” Sharon couldn’t shake the feeling off, she believed Jamie for some reason, she knew it wasn’t just a dream, she could feel it, she sensed something, someone, but she never quiet knew what.17
Sharon stayed with Jamie till he fell back asleep, it didn’t take long but it felt like hours she had been lying there next to him. She still felt the icy stare of whatever it was watching her, but refused to move from his side…18
Author notes
okay sorry for the wait, but have some ideas on where this is going now (I hope)
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is the smoothest chapter yet. It has believable dialog and moves well with the character's actions. It's the mix of story body and dialog, I think, that does it. Good job leaving the reader with anticipation.
language: 5, plot: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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A good write- I want to learm more about this situation just from this short story. enjoyed reading this.
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*i am sooo dizzy*
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runs to next one
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excellent
close, threatening to the child, tension hightening, the plot thickens. Excuse me, I am going to read some more. -
This is exciting... I can't wait to see where it is all going. You are building the anticipation very nicely. I would like to see a few more descricptive details... drawing more of the reader's senses into the piece, like when they go into Jamie's room, maybe there could be an elusive chill in the air, or perhaps a lingering scent of perfume? that can't be pin pointed, but then, I may be way off, since I am not sure where this is going.
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Oh shoot me thinks Jaime is having the visions now...inherited from mom maybe...tis getting real spooky now Nat
Off to read part 10
~~Dawn -
Get going Nat - Part 10 please. this sus[ense you are building up is fabulous. However I think I know who this strange woman is and her etheareal appearance this chapter tells me a lot.
~von~ -
oooh yes...this is getting really good....
well...come on then...i need to know what happens next....
I am thoroughly enjoying this story...well done.
Ann -
Intriguing Nat, I'm not sure I would have the patience you've shown writing this story. You should read Danna's story it might inspire you to keep plugging away. This is good so far. Hang in there girl.
Red -
hmmm is she now going to be bothering the little boy???? You can really sense the main character's fear now...the excellent writing continues, and I can't wait for part 10...I hope it'll be posted soon...you're leaving your readers in suspense!!!!!
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Oooooooooooooooh yeah, it's getting scarey now!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this, Nat You're doind an amazing job
Karen
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hhhhhmmmmmm, as the plot thickens....
is it ia ghost or for real?
pen on, it getting thick, dark and to the breaking point!
good thriller
heh?
Tamara
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