Virgin Feast

Missing image

 1

I watch her as she sleeps in bed
Soon all her dreams will turn to dread
She softly breathes her mind at rest
Her soul and body are my quest2

I touch her now, her open eyes
She sees me and she's terrorized
She has no hope, she has no chance
As I have placed her in a trance3

She cannot scream, she will not shout
As now for her there's no way out
Her skin is soft, her body's fresh
And soon I will dine on her flesh4

Deep in her eyes I sense her fear
As the reason I've come is clear
I'll taste her meat, I'll take her soul
No longer does she have control5

She cannot move, she cannot run
Her torment though has just begun
Tears at her face, her nose is wet
Her heart pumps hard, it's not time yet6

I loom above, I sense her heat
Her warmth and youth are very sweet
I dig a claw along her gut
Her blood and guts show at the cut7

Agony is now on her face
And death will soon her life replace
Her belly I tear open now
And on her innards I do chow8

She's conscious as I eat of her
Warm living flesh I do prefer
But soon her life and soul do pass
I stay until I've had the last9

Delicious was this virgin feast
And now her soul will know no peace
I have devoured her body whole
And captured with it her dear soul10

 11

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 99 of 99

  • seasonsoflove
    September 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow. Definately a little... disturbing.
    But in a good way. Good imagery. Title captured me and the rest kept me reading. Keep it up!!


    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 2
      Edit | Reply

      Howdy!

      I'm glad you like this poem. Like many of my stories, it's a dark one. However, I do write in other genres, sometimes.

      I posted what we have on our fairy story, but I haven't gone any further.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Andy


  • mememe6
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    The title really caught my attention, but I didn't know that's literally what you meant. I really liked it, though a little freaky. It was very detailed, not to mention, gory. But I've never read anything like it, which I guess is good. I really hope you do well in my contest, I will definitely put this up for consideration.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 13
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      I'm very glad that this poem caught your attention. Hopefully it will do well in your contest

      I like writing dark poems and stories.

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • thatawesomegirl
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    It was very well written. I liked how you showed his feelings, and her feeling. I for sure help the story.
    Also thanks for agreeing Breackfast is the most important meal of the day.
    Best of Luck

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 9
      Edit | Reply

      Hi there!

      I usually eat shortly after I get up. I suppose you could call it breakfast, but there's never any telling when I might get up. Also I usually eat a salad or a frozen dinner(a cooked frozen dinner, of course).

      I'm very glad you like this poem.

      Andy


  • Willowleaf-
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome job! The rhyming was great and the poem was amazing! It is hard to make the reader scared and you accomplished that. Thanks for entering my contest!

    -Maple

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 8
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Maplefrost!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I'm pleased you like 'Virgin Feast'.

      Andy


  • Miss Recondite
    August 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, very eerily interesting.

    Nicely put, and I hope to read more of your delightful poems in the near future.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 6
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      I'm glad you like this poem. I thought from the contest description that you might. I've written a lot of poems and songs in the past, but now I write mostly stories and chaptered works.

      Thanks for hosting.

      Andy


  • Lekos Memory
    July 17
    Edit | Reply
    Lol I knew the moment I started reading this, that this was yours Andy. Lol

    I liked it. Short and very juicy. This is a well written poem. It's usually hard to come up with the words to rhyme with and still make sense. Very nice job.

    Thank you for entering this into my contest. Good Luck.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 17
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Selene!

      Just because someone was getting eaten you figure I wrote it?

      Oh well, I've written a lot of dark poetry and actually not many people get eaten. I notice that this isn't up in the finalists, so apparently virgin eating monsters aren't your thing, either.

      If you'd like I'll swap it out for another.

      Andy

      • Lekos Memory
        July 17

        Edit | Reply
        Lol I have nothing against virgin eating monster. Always entertaining to read about. Best way to get brownie points is if a guy gets eaten. that's the ticket. Lol


  • EverRose
    July 16
    Edit | Reply
    Ooo! That was amazing!
    But sick and horrible! Lol. Outstanding!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 17
      Edit | Reply

      Howdy Rose!

      I really like to write dark stories and poetry. I find it very entertaining and interesting. It never really hurts to kill off a few people in fiction.

      Thanks for all the applause. I'm glad you like this poem.

      Andy


  • Le Masquerade silver member
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    AWESOME! This is such a great poem! Perfict rhyming and good description of the whole sceen. Thank you for entering and welcome to the finalist list

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 14
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Jalice!

      I'm so happy you like my virgin eating monster. I enjoy writing dark poems and stories. I guess I take after Poe.

      I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • BloodRedPrimrose
    July 13
    Edit | Reply
    Wow your an amazing writer, im bitterly jealous. Keep it up x

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 13
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      Thanks for dropping by and especially for commenting. I appreciate it. I'm pleased you like this poem. Thanks also for the nice compliment.

      If you keep after it, you'll probably become a successful writer. I'm still trying to sell my stuff. I don't spend enough time marketing.

      Andy


  • DominoDan
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that was erm... creepy. This is my kinda poem, good luck in the contest and I'm so glad I opened it to prewrites.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 9
      Edit | Reply

      Hello again!

      I feel I should thank you again. I really love it when people like my craft. I enjoy writing dark and erotic poetry and stories. I try to write in other genres and do, but my niche is really crime and horror erotica.

      I'm very pleased you like my stuff.

      Andy


  • YourPinUpDoll
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    *grabs tummy* cant say i dont wanna die, but my dear, that was gruesome.... but i loved the rhyming! done very well!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 3
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Christa!

      Well, I've never eaten a girl, yet. It's just fiction. I'm not sure how they would taste. They might taste awful or be too tough to chew.

      Hang around, I don't want you kicking the bucket. You're one of my friends.

      Thanks for all the applause.

      Andy


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    July 3
    Edit | Reply

    wow!

    holy moly lol that was...TOTALLY WICKED!!!! hehehe. good luck

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      July 3
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Clary!

      I'm glad you like this poem. It's one of my favorite dark poems that I've written. Most of my dark poetry is in adult categories.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      Andy


  • SAVAGEshark.
    June 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.You'r writing style is pretty profesional.You write like an english noble poet.I would be bored with your writing style,but the theme kept me to the end.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      June 29
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      Rather an interesting comment, you'd be bored if the theme hadn't held your attention. Does that mean that you like it?

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Lies4Truth
    June 29

    Edit | Reply
    Really good poem. I like the how the narrator is the demon and not the virgin, and interesting twist. Good job and good luck in my contest

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      June 29
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      I'm very pleased that you like this poem.

      Well, the virgin's part is a bit shorter than the demon's and also less active, narration seemed natural for the demon.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Unice the geek
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it. thank you so much for entering. i hope to see more of your work very soon! Thank you for your contest entry.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      June 25
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Angel!

      So happy you like my poem. I had fun coming up with this one. Nothing like eating a young virgin to start the day off right.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • ShadowKat
    May 19
    Edit | Reply
    One word comes to mind when I read this. Lust, but it is very good.


  • Shadow-Kissed
    May 11

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!!

    "She sees me and she's terrorized" is my favourite line. This was magnificent. Very detailed and every line relates to the topic, no scattered thoughts. Well done. Very well done. I wish you the best in the contest, there's a high chance you will be a finalist. Thanks for reading the rules.
    I wouldn't change a thing about this, gore and all was complete perfection
    -Chantale

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 11
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      Thanks Chantale, for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      I'm very pleased you like this poem. My hungry little monster needs all the encouragement he can get.

      Andy

  • DeathByChocolate
    May 10

    Edit | Reply
    Ew, nasty! How do you come up with this? Well written, though the rhym could be made a bit more sophisicated with "bigger" words and things of that nature *clap*

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 10
      Edit | Reply

      Well,

      When I write rhyme verse, I'm sort of stuck with what comes to mind. Although the rhymes were not complex in this poem, I like the result.

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.

      Andy


  • DemApples
    April 17
    Edit | Reply
    yikes

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      April 18
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Willy!

      You didn't like this poem at all? Oh well, I'll keep that in mind for the future.

      Thanks for reading it, anyway. Thanks also for hosting this contest. I hope you had many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

      • DemApples
        April 20
        Edit | Reply
        i didn't understand it so i asked my sister to read it and it creeped her out and she didn't want to talk about it or explain it to me so i couldn't do anything with it

        • Andy Stephenson gold member
          April 20
          Edit | Reply

          Hi Willy!

          All there really is to this poem is the demon eats this virgin alive. It's a little on the dark side for a poem.

          Andy


  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    April 2

    Edit | Reply

    Abbadon's Cathedral

    Word. xD
    Nice. Ok, that was certainly an enjoyable read.
    The gore was good, the tempo steady, and is certainly fit for a seat on the peu in Abbadon's Cathedral.

    Some of the rhymes were a little generic and/or elementary, but I think it made it a little more light-hearted to contradict the dark topic. I liked it.

    Good luck in the contest.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      April 2
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      I'm quite pleased that you like my little poem. I enjoy writing these little horror poems.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Maggie Kay
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    Very um nice.. haha
    nah i enjoyed reading this one it was well written and very entertaining haha i love the picture too

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      March 21
      Edit | Reply

      Kmp!

      I'm very pleased you like this poem. I hope you have fun with your contest and many good entries. Thanks for hosting, reading, and commenting. I appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Keirii
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    Well now I'm hungary

    Although the ending kinda stole my appetite.


    Oh well, great story!!!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      February 24
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Keirii!

      Thanks for reading my little poem and commenting. I appreciated it. I'm glad you like it. It made you hungry and then you decided you weren't hungry after all?

      Andy


  • SweeneyTodd-girl
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    This was nice. However, it was just a scene. It didn't show much emotion. Did he regret what he had done? Was he proud of it? Had he given in to temptation? Or had he been planning this? Add more emotion, and it would have been great.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      February 12
      Edit | Reply

      Hi!

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, writing, and commenting. I appreciate it. I hope you like this poem.

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Artificial.Smiles. gold member
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. This was amazing! The picture did give me the creeps though...

    Good Luck in my Contest!! :]

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      January 2
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad that you like this poem. You didn't like the picture?

      Thanks also for hosting this contest. I hope you had many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Morbid as always, Andy...

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      December 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and all the applause. I appreciate it.

      Would you rather I enter something unmorbid? I actually have some happy poetry.

      Andy


  • KiwiGurl
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It flowed well and made me cringe. Thats a good sign I promise. Your a great writer good luck in the contest!
    -kiwi

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

      I wasn't sure what type of poem you might want, so I gave you one of my favorites. I like writing dark writes.

      I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • trekkergirl
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yeah I can honestly say this is a dark poem. Very scarey. The picture is scarey too. This is a well written poem. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      I hope you enjoyed this little journey into the dark. I'm glad you felt it was well written.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Rain4Life
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I will not bounce you out due to the flow of this poem. But there is only one part I don't like:
    'She cannot move, she cannot run
    Her torment has only begun'
    To me, it doesn't flow. If you added a 'just' after 'only' I think it would flow MUCH easier.
    'She cannot move, she cannot run
    Her torment has only just begun'
    If you don't agree, that's fine. It is just my opinion. Other than that, I LOVED IT!
    ♥Rain♥

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      November 23, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      I agree,

      The flow in that line wasn't quite right, but adding 'just' to it as it stood was creating too many syllables. I changed it to "Her torment though has just begun". I think it flows much better that way. Let me know what you think.

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commentng. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy

      • Rain4Life
        November 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        YES!

        Yes! It is much better
        Sorry for criticizing! I just thought that the flow to that didn't feel right. I tried reading it out loud because my mind is kinda weird (Lol) but it still didn't feel right. But now it has a much better feel and I loved reading it!
        ♥Rain♥


  • Sgs
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is really well written and a very intense subject. Not exactly most people's cup of tea, but good. Thanks for the contest entry!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I felt that it would be good to enter something a bit different. I hope you like it.

      May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Bello.Midnight
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Intensly morbid...
    I had to bite my lip because while it was dark and malice in a lot of ways: it was to a feast of a poem in itself and it made me dwell on my own dark desires. good luck !!!!

    Blake ♣

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.

      I feel that writing dark poetry and prose is a good outlet for pent up anger and frustration. I think reading it serves a similar purpose. I hope you like this poem.

      Andy


  • disturbed-dreamer
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It is hard writing dark poetry, so by writing this, you are amazing. =]

    There was only one part where I saw that you struggled a little (since the English language does not have that many rhyming words.) It was at "Her belly I tear open now
    And on her innards I do chow"

    Overall, the imagery and morbidity was great. I also loved where you put where words rhyme in each verse. It is a very well-written poem.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it.

      I suppose the 'now' and 'chow' may have been reaching, but the poem as a whole seems pretty good. If something occurs to me that is different, I may change it.

      Thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you like this poem.

      Andy


  • SignifyingNothing
    September 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A dark and evil write. This was compelling tbough there were a few spots where the rhyme was a little shaky in that you had to invert sentendces to get it. But for the most part it was good. iliad was right that it was a bit choppy, but I don't really see what the problem with that is, its a poem not lyrics, and doesn't have to have an exact rhythm. Congratulations on the Silver trophy.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You!

      It's not a perfect poem, but it was written to be dark. I think it does pretty well there, although Delfishie has some that are much better.

      This poem has done well at AP and pretty well here at Storywrite. I write songs and sometiems a word in a song is stretched or cut short for the sake of the rhythm. It's much the same with poetry.

      I could probably develop a melody for this, but I'd want a chorus and perhaps a bridge. It would be a rather long song.

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

      A Chorus like this perhaps:

      Too late little girl
      Your time has come
      It's too late for you to run

      Sleep tight little girl
      Soon dreams will end
      And your terror will begin

      What do you think? Should I make it a song?

      Andy


  • iliad
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is was good, but it could have been great. I like the darkness, and I like the fact that it was sort of uncomprimising; all these things were good, but I had a few issues.

    First of all, the rhyme was consistent, but the rhythm of the poem was jolty, and if it had been consistent, or as I liked to use because I am a musician, "singable" it could have made it so much better. You should look at lyrics when you write a poem like this one, and think that whenever the first verse foes da-da-da-da-dada-da, then the next verse should have an equal amount of consinents (think I spelled that wrong). The Raven from Poe, had just this sort of thing, with maybe or two lines that weren't perfect in rhythm but no more, so that you as you speak it, you more or less chant it, thus it's magic.

    I for the most part liked the end rhymes, but I thought "Chow" was completely out of place, and something better could have been chosen. The poem itself doesn't really have a coherant center, and in that way, it feels like you kind of rushed your way through it.

    Don't take this negatively, I am only trying to help you get better. Like I said, I liked it, but these issues kept me from loving it. Overall, I think this was a good piece, and a nice effort.

    -iliad-

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. You didn't like now and chow? The rhythm is not perfect, but it can be read so that it flows pretty well. I'm glad you like it, sorry you didn't love it.

      Andy


  • Ghost of a Siren
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Oooo scary

    Very creepy, I think this may be the first poem I've read of yours. The flow was flawless, and the descriptions extremely vivid in all their unsettling glory. lol. Great job as usual.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      May 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Stephanie

      Thanks for reading this little poem. It was fun writing it. I'm very pleased that you like this poem. Thanks also for commenting and all the applause.

      Andy


  • Forsaken Unicorn
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa....o.o Awsome but....disturbing. Still very good piece of writing. I really like that last verse.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      April 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like this poem. It is supposed to be a horror poem, hope it doesn't disturb too much.

      Andy


  • MysticalRayne
    April 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write my friend ~ I love dark sometimes feeds the muse.. best of luck in the contest

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      April 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      I'm glad you like this little this little trip into the dark and evil. I got silver in the contest. Thanks for all the applause.

      Andy


  • Friesian
    April 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Oh wow!!!!

    This was DEEP, Dark, and Satisfying! Oh, I loved it! It made me shudder and cringe, yet stare helplessly at the screen in anticipation! Excellent! Bravo! Keep writin!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      April 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Friesian

      I'm very pleased that you like this poem. It is one of my darkest poems. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. May you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • ice wolf Greeters member
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    O.O this should have been entered in my horror contest. ^^ Very good. ^^ Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest. ^^ Keep penning.
    Ruth

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      April 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks again

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this poem so much. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.

      Andy


  • Delfishie
    September 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ooohh, you made it centered! I've never figured out how to do that.

    This poem totally reminded me of 1970s horror movies for some reason. Did you ever hear of a movie called (I think) The Strangest Story Ever Told. It isn't very good, but it has a catchy theme song. This poem reminded me of that song.

    Good job. Especially with the rhyme scheme, which actually worked most of the time (for some reason, in this contest, EVERYONE like rhyming poems. I wonder why....)

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Delfishie

      Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. The best I've done in one of your contests I believe is silver. I didn't place in this one Competition keeps getting tougher.

      Using rich text editing, to center you highlight what you wish to center. Then you click the center icon at the editing bar. That will do it for you. Then click anywhere on the page to get you cursor again and cancel the highlight. Don't press a key as that will erase everything highlighted. Surely you done some of that kind of editing.

      Andy


  • ChristineDaae
    September 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    OMG

    All I can say is wow. I haven't really seen anything that good for a while

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I hope that you like this poem. I really appreciate you stopping by. This is an entry for a horror poetry contest. If you like that sort of thing, check out the contest.

      Andy


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    W00T

    STUNNINGLY DARK, TWISTED AND AMAZING! Wow, this would be an awesome experience! Kudos on this write and i wish you luck in the contest! YOU'RE TALENTED!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      September 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I really appreciate it. Being eaten alive or eating someone alive would be an awesome experience? Glad you like this poem. Thanks for stopping by.

      Andy


      • Synthetic-Nightmare
        September 1, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Bah.....NOT eating someone. That's not quite what i meant. lol. YOUR WELCOME!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY


  • asthray.heart
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was good as, I loved how it rhymed, while mantaining the awesome descriptions at the same time. Bery gory, you should have a good chance at this

    Keep it up. This was a great thrilling read.

    ~Ebb.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Ebb

      I am very pleased that you like this poem. It was a little gory Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I really appreciate it.

      Andy


  • Midnightmare
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was amazing! brilliant description, excellent "storyline", if you will, and as always excellent flow and rhyming. loved it!!!!

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I really appreciate it. You like my demon that eats virgins? That's good, I'm glad you like this poem. Thanks very much for dropping by.

      Andy


  • Token Massacre silver member
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this flowed very well. Missing commas throw off the sound of it as you read. Otherwise it's very well done. Good luck in the contest. I enjoyed the piece.

    • Andy Stephenson gold member
      August 31, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Christina

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like the poem. I noticed that you have also entered this contest. I don't win Delfishie's contests, but I keep trying.

      Andy

      • Delfishie
        September 10, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        hah! It's a lie! I totally gave you a gold trophy for the write-about-yourself-as-you-want-yourself-to-be contest (I forget what I actually called it).

        *grins*

        Or...at least I think I did. Didn't I? Or am I completely confused?

1 - 99 of 99