He hadn't meant to kill her. The knife was only a prop, making the scene more real so she'd finally believe, finally listen. She never listened to him, never took him seriously. The knife was only supposed shut her up so she'd listen. "The dumb bitch just wouldn't shut up," he said to himself. "That's all she had to do."1
He stared at her body laying on the floor, which was slowly being covered in her blood. Her eyes were still open. He had read somewhere that a lady shouldn't die with her eyes open. He should close them.2
"She isn't a lady. She's never been a lady, no matter what anybody thought. She's not a lady, she's a bitch. Was a bitch."3
It had dawned on him that she was really dead, gone forever. Her body was just taking up space. And the blood...4
"Look what you've done!" he heard her yelling at him. "That's never gonna come out of the carpet." I'm gonna kill you!"5
He got up and ran to the corner, crouching in the shadows, his hands covering his face. He opened one eye, ready to see her standing over him with her hand raised, prepared to strike him if he moved.6
But she wasn't there. She was still lying on the floor, dead, with her eyes open. The blood was still staining the carpet and there wasn't anything she could do about it.7
He began to laugh. It was a nervous laugh. He was laughing at how silly he had been, but giggling as though she'd yell if he laughed too loud. And in his mind, she would.8
"She's dead. She can't yell at me anymore," he said to himself. He got up and slowly started walking towards her again, not taking his eyes off of her, just in case she decided she wasn't going to stay dead. Up until today, she had always made the rules. He had just broken many. She could decide to call him on it.9
But she didn't move. He began to breath easier. "It's over," he said. "Finally over. You're dead! Did you hear me? DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!" He broke into laughter again. This time it wasn't nervous laughter, it was joyous laughter that seemed to bounce off the walls. He was free.10
Suddenly he stopped laughing. He was thinking. "I didn't mean to kill her. I just wanted her to stop controlling me. To stop calling me a...a..." he trailed off.11
"A retard?"12
He turned at the familiar female voice. He looked down at the body. She was still dead, and her eyes were still open, watching him. It hadn't been her. He had heard this voice before, but only when he was alone. The voice didn't have a name. It didn't need one.13
"No. I'm not a retard," he said defiantly.14
"An idiot then?" the voice replied in a sarcastic tone.15
"No."16
"She said you were. She always said you were."17
"Well she lied. She always lied. That's what bitches do. They lie. And she was good at it."18
"Maybe she wasn't lying, Maybe you are a retard. An idiot. A half wit that doesn't deserve to live."19
"She's the one that didn't deserve to live."20
"And you showed her."21
"It was an accident. I didn't mean to."22
"To stab her six times? You must have meant the last five?"23
"No."24
"You enjoyed it though. Don't deny it, I was there. I saw the whole thing. I felt what you felt."25
"Okay, I enjoyed it! Is that what you wanted to hear?"26
"Yes. It was."27
"But it was still an accident. The knife was only a prop. It was only supposed to make her listen, but she wouldn't shut up. It didn't work."28
"Oh, the prop worked. It worked splendidly. And now the show's over. Take a bow."29
And he did just that. The applause was ringing in his ears. The show was a hit. They loved it. They loved him. And the bitch couldn't do anything about it.30
Author notes
Just a story I wrote one day when I was really bored. No inspiration for it, it was just there, so now it's just here.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Thank you
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wow..what a fantastic write!...I see why you got the silver!!!
awesome work here, and impressive detail..good job!!! -
Thanks for the great comment!
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This is really a great story. I love it. I loved the way he talked to himself the whole time. and the bow at the end, just awesome. great write, thanks for entering! good luck!
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awesome! i love this it's really good and it reminds me of a dream i've had once. great work and thanks for entering my contest!
electric thrill,
Bleezie
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This is a great story if you don't win I ddon't know why. You were very expressive and it felt like I was reading a book or a movie or something. This was really great I had to show it to my friend nice write.
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Thanks for the awesome comment and the the favorite; it really means a lot!
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WONDERFULL
I LIKE THIS STORY. I AM APPLAUDING IT EVEN THOUGH I DONT HAVE ANY FREE ONES LEFT. IM ALSO ADDING YOU TO MY FAVORITES. GREAT STORY. I ALSO LOVE THIS PARTICULAR LINE, "not taking his eyes off of her, just in case she decided she wasn't going to stay dead." VERY GOOD LINE. GREAT JOB! -
Wow, thanks for the great comment. It really means a lot...talk about a boost of confidence! I'm really glad you liked it. Thanks much!
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Well, you should have more confidence in yourself because this was one hell of a great story!!!!! I think that my favorite part was:
"...Take a bow.'
"And he did just that. The applause was ringing in his ears. The show was a hit. They loved it. They loved him. And the bitch couldn't do anything about it." - - - It was just such a romantic ending. (By the way, I don't mean romantic like the way you might be thinking, I mean it like it was romatic in a kind of morbid poetic type of way! Which I loved!!!)
This piece is really very fantastic. And I love the twist that you give to it. Instead of the woman being abused, it is the man. Although you never really hear of it, womwn abusing their husbands is around and is just as dangerous as men abusing their wives.
I loved this story soooooo very much!!!!!
Awesome story and thanks for entering!!!!!!!!!
~A.R.~ -
Thanks for the great comment! I'm glad you liked the story, I didn't think people would like it or comment, so it's much appreciated.
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This is the kind of story I love to read... there are just as many internal battles as external. I really liked how you switched the main character's tormenter from the dead woman, to a voice inside his head. As I can relate to the latter, it was an intense 'conversation' to read, you pulled that off very well I thought. Anyways, great work here, I really enjoyed the read. Keep it up, and good luck in the contest.
Renae. -
Oh yeah that was just my mistake, thanks for showing me that. I never noticed it..
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Very creepy... in some places, you mix up pronouns like "And in her mind, she would." I'm not sure if this is supposed to be gender confusion on the part of the killer, or was just a simple mistake.
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Excellent symbolism; liked it a lot. I could feel the confusion of the killer in this. I'm guessing he was abused emotionally, until he'd toppled over the edge of sanity. This had a definite creepy touch to it that I liked. Great work!
-morgana
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Wow thank you very much. I didn't think it was that good. That means a lot to me. Thanks for commenting!
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wow...that...i loved that...i am definately not going to enter this contest...your write was far too good, i cant belive i am the first to comment...well it was brilliantly done
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