How Do I Feel?

How Do I Feel?

I feel like it's always raining. I feel like sadness is always pouring over me. No matter what I just feel sad. There's no one here to feel what I feel. I know everyone else has their own problems, and I can't always be the main focus.

I need someone to hear me, to hear my silent voice calling out in the dark.

This whole week I feel like I'm on automatic. My head is spinning from information I can't process. From feelings I don't want to feel. Thoughts, I wish I could just deny. But they're still there. The hottest rock dropped in my hand, burning like I wish it didn't burn. Killing like it wish it would kill, yet I wish to live.

Why?

Because, my life right now is complicated. There are so many things I wish I could reveal. Things I wish I even understood, but I don't. The why is not so much important, as the how. How can I feel this way? Why can I be so Selfish? Am I even Selfish?

I don't know what to think. And I think it's quite possible that right now, at this very moment, it's safe to say that my soul is drowining.

Drowning in an ocean which has no shore, no bottom, no possible space of rest and it makes me feel as though life could end.

But these are just feelings, desperate feelings of confusion. And Confusion is the worst feeling you can have, besides guilt.

How Do I Feel? How Do You Feel?