A Little Test In Language

1

The Reason 2

With a feeling of determination, she pressed the print button.  She sat in front of her monitor, with all the exhilaration of a boxer after winning a fight that they know they deserved.  She smiled to herself, thinking everything would be all right.  He did love her- she knew it.  Somewhere, inside, he still loved her.  And somehow, she knew how to make it all right.  So she sat down to write what she did best- lyrics. "Honesty is..."  Honesty was what? She could write this song, she could, and somehow, she would.  "Honesty is...false, hatred, love, doesn't exist... I need honesty from him, I need him to know, and understand, but most of all, I need honesty, and I need him to be true." so many thoughts flew through her at the same time, it was hard to contain.  But damnit, he had to know, and she could make him understand- she could, and she would...3

When the lyrics to the song were done printing, she signed “thank you” on the bottom, and put it in her bag for tomorrow.  She would make everything all right between them, she could, and she would…4

[I'm sorry that I hurt you5

It's something I must live with everyday]6

She woke up in the morning, feelings of determination still set in their rightful place.  She dutifully got ready, and headed out, prepared to face the day, because she would make everything all better, she could, and she knew that she would…7

[I never meant to do those things to you]8

The day went by in a blur.  First period, second, third, fourth- one big massive jumble.  He consumed her every thought, her every breath, movement, and feeling.  She glimpsed him, her heart soared.  He hugged her, she sank lower than was humanely possible.  The tables seemed to have turned, and yet now he had her on a shelf, with the capability to tip he either way, depending on her mood.  He can make her blissfully happy, yet to her, sometimes it seems he gets a kick out of seeing her hurt.  But in the end, none of that matters, because she would make everything all better, she could, and she knew that no matter what she would…9

[I've found a reason 10

To change who I used to be11

A reason to start over new12

and the reason is You]13

Finally, the end of the day.  She knew she would see him, and that made all the difference in the world.  No matter what happened, he made all the difference in the world.  She spied him over by the edge of the lawn, but she didn’t want to seem too eager.  So she surrounded herself with people who called themselves her friends, with friends who considered themselves her enemy.  Slowly she worked her way down the eager faces of facades who considered themselves human, until she was face to face with him.  She smiled at him, all the pent up energy, desire, hatred, sadness, wanting, need, jealousy- all of it showing on her face.  She was his, and she finally realized that.  She gave herself to him, for him to love, hold, and trust.  She trusted him, with everything she had, and she finally knew it.  She would make this all right, she could, and damn well she would…14

[I've found a reason to show15

A side of me you didn't know]16

He smiled back at her, and she knew it was complete.  She would make everything all right, she could, she would, and she did. He turned his face, and smiled at someone else, and in that instant, she knew it was all a lie.  He didn’t love her, he had no honesty, and all that remained from the love that once was- was a hug, a hello, an awkward friendship.  She stood there, the smile only remaining because it was forced- letting it slip would be sign of weakness, that she had given herself to him, and lost.  That she had given her trust to him, and lost.  Given herself to him, and lost.  He could make everything all better, he should, he could- but he didn’t.  He only made her hurt, more and more, with every day that passed.  Seeing him was only tearing open a wound that wouldn’t heal.  17

[And all the pain I put you through18

I wish that I could take it all away]19

So she stood there, in front of him, taking the lyrics out of her bag which she had so determinedly printed out for him the night before.  She had pondered the lyrics for hours, and finally came up with her song. And she smiled once again, the bitter, forced smile that she’s grown to accustomed too.  And before his eyes, ripped the paper to shreds, staring at him blatantly.  Putting the shreds back in her bag, she turned her back to him, and walked away.  She had dropped a pieced, however, and he started at it, reading it's blatant words.  20

"Honesty is such a lonely word21

Everyone is so untrue22

Honesty is hardly ever heard23

And mostly what I need from you"24

He could make everything better, she knew.  He could, but he wouldn’t.  Love is just a lie to get rid of the boredom on fidelity, she now realizes.  Her love doesn’t matter.  He could make everything all better.  He could, he should- but he didn't.  And it's funny.  She no longer expected him too.  25