My world is entirely painted in black and white. I'm lying in a pocket in the depths of an unknown forest, snow falling into the ivory white gown I'm wearing. My eyelids are heavy and my mind is hazy. All of my limbs are numb and I can hardly move. 1
Somewhere in the distance I hear the faint whimpers of a human being, crying out for someone, but still refraining from screaming out. It's as if they want to be found, but at the same time not wanting to be rescued.2
For some reason I feel like I know who the faint whimpers belong to. For some reason I feel like I know that those sad cries belong to Evan.3
I open my mouth to call for him, hoping maybe for him to find me, but nothing comes out but a small croak.4
"Why? Why doesn't anyone care about me?" I can hear his whimpers getting closer now. 5
I see someone moving in the shadows and stepping into the clearing about thirty feet away from where I lay. It's a boy, dressed in white garb, just like me. His eyes are dulled with pain and sorrow, his wavy bronze hair covers half of his face and makes it so I can hardly see the tears streaking his cheeks.6
I know it's him. It's Evan.7
"Why does he hate me so much? Why doesn't Dad care?" He whispers as he drops to his knees, the snow squishing beneath his knees. 8
"I..." I try to whisper again, but my throat is suddenly sore and it makes it nearly impossible to speak.9
He unfastens the buttons down on his left wrist, revealing his fine olive skin, and then he reaches down into his pant pockets. A shining metal object is suddenly in his hand and he holds it to his wrist.10
I quickly realize what it is. In his hand he's holding that damned razor he said he would get rid of. It's the same razor he had been cutting himself with the year before.11
"N-no..." I struggle to push myself off of the ground, but I slip in the snow and fall back to the ground.12
"No one cares. I might as well be dead. Dad hates me, Mom doesn't want me...no one cares." He presses the razor deeper into his skin and then begins to drag it up his arm.13
My eyes widen in horror and I feel my heart freeze in my chest. It suddenly feels like everything is moving faster. His slicing of the vein, the bleeding process. Death is moving quicker.14
In that single second it feels like hours have passed and I know if I don't act soon I'm going to lose him.15
"No...don't...do it!" I push myself off the ground and this time I'm able to get up fully.16
I start to run in his direction, but now he's laying on the ground, a pool of red surrounding his sliced wrist.17
I trip and land in a crumpled heap by his body. His body is completely still and I know that it's happened. 18
My fingers tremble as I reach down and touch his arm, but as soon as my shaking fingers touch his bloody wrist he turns to a white powder. Snow.19
"But I cared."20
Author notes
Hey my name is Morning Star, I'm just your typical 15-year-old girl who just has a few issues.
This was a dream I had a while back about my friend Evan. Yes, he did in fact die after I had this dream and he's been gone for nearly six months. Everyday I miss him more and more.
In a list
A contest entry
- "How it all Started" by Andrew Timothy.
250 points, ended September 15, 2007, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - : Make me cry. by Taylor Renee.
375 points, ended November 20, 2007, 31 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 500 Points for Imagery! by beezy92.
750 points, ended March 18, 2008, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Isn't it TRAGIC!!! by Miss Anona.
159 points, ended March 27, 2008, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Ohhhh!!!!
That was amazing Evan!!!
AMAZING!!! -
this was a very good story. It was depressing, but what makes it sad is that he actually killed himself. Guess it was some sort of a vision, eh? I'm so sorry for his death, and I hope you feel better from the emotional pain. Good writing.
~Dragonaris~
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Nice. I like it. The plot is a little cliched but the imagery is great! (= Do people really die that quickly from a wrist wound? Anyway great job!
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Cliche is my life, sorry
And it isn't that you can die fast from that sort of wound...it's just that in my dream he did.
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That was a great story
I loved it. Thats sad... somebody thinks no one cares about them and commit suicide, then after its discovered that someone did care... so sad.
Great job on this, and thanks for entering my contest.
Good luck
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Soooo....sad.... OMG!! I almost cried. I'm am serious!!
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Congradulations.
You're the first one to actually make me cry in this contest.
This was absolutely horrible, yet written absolutely beautifully.
Cutting is something that deeply touches me, and every time I read about it I feel a gaping hole in my heart. It's so horribly sad.
And then you wrote this extraordinarily. That helped me cry.
Plus, this is true....you dreamed it, I mean. That made me cry, too.
Evan...died because of this?
That thought made me cry harder.
This was completely and utterly devastating. And perfect for my contest.
Thank you so much for entering. And good luck.
xoxo
Tay
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Wow... you almost made my eyes water... This was wonderful; the emotion packed into this fantasy/reality is amazing.
The beginning here is a descriptive one, it sets the scene for a wonderful story to follow.
My most sincere condolences, my friend.
Thank you for entering and goodluck.
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You have a lovely gift for writing - such emotion and depth. I am sorry for your loss.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thanks for the complement. Well it's been a year so the pain has kind of dulled. Thanks for the condolences.
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Wonderfully written piece. Such raw and open emotion.
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Thank you!
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I'm very impressed! I'm hopeless at writing about dreams I have had. and i think you have done a brilliant job, the ending especially "But i cared".
I'm also really sorry about your loss.
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Thank you for your condolences and complements. It does mean a lot to me.
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"But I cared."
wow.
very moving piece.
You have serious talent, and wow-I think this is somethgin everyne needs to hear.
wow.
keep it up!
pegleg
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*blushes* T-thank you very much! >_< It means a lot to me that you say that I have good talent! Thank you!
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Oh my goodness, this was so good, so well-written and I could feel the pain...the hurt...the sense of helplessness. A terrible dream to have but yet a meaningful one. I loved the last of it. Where he turns into snow and the last sentence made me pause for a minute and stare at the screen...I hurt for the person saying: "But I care." And I hurt for the person that turned to snow...the descriptions were amazing! Good job....
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Thank you.
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Wow. Scary dream. I'm sorry about that. Must've been scary. This dream wow... and I thought I got weird dreams... I'm not saying that you're dreams are weird just so... creative! Your description is vivid I can picture it. I can't really picture the razor though. Mainly cause I don't know what it is... Like a knife or... never mind. If it's the razor I'm thinking about it shouldn't be able to hurt you but never mind never mind. Really well written.
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It's sharp and it can hurt you. Thank you. This dream scared the crap out of me and even worse the day after the dream I found out that my friend Evan commit suicide.
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