The Hunt(part1)

Paddling his canoe up the icy river proved to be no small feat. The cold winter wind blew harshly through the bare trees, chilling him to the bone. Bundled in animal furs he paddled steadily up the river keeping his keen eyes focused on the riverbank searching for tracks that might initiate a successful hunt. Having been raised in the woodlands all his life his eyes were trained to notice the slightest peculiar mark left on nature's ardent setting.1

As he rounded the next bend his eyes spotted the distinct markings of an animal's footprints on the mossy riverbank. Steering his canoe to the edge of the river, he stepped out of the vessel and pulled it onto the shore. Kneeling on one knee so that he could closer examine the tracks, he immediately noticed the depth of the print that the animal had left in the muddy ground. Prints this deep in the ground had to be left by a very large creature, and judging by the markings, this creature was a deer. Reaching into his canoe he removed his bow, quiver of arrows, and a pack made of hide. After stringing his bow, he slung it and the other items over his shoulder. Reaching into the canoe again he pulled out his hunting knife and strapped it around his waist. Glancing one last time at the tracks, he began walking briskly in the direction that the beast had taken.2

Setting off on this hunt was no different than the countless others that he had completed in the past, and he marched off with a boldness and confidence that this, like the many others, would prove to be successful. He followed the clear tracks left in the mud with ease, admiring how much simpler than most this hunt was proving to be. He could only hope it would remain that way. The harsh weather proved to be the most trying obstacle in this hunt so far. The dark gray clouds looked as if they might release their fury at any moment, and due to the unrelenting cold, he could see every breath of warm air that his body exhaled. Moving through the woods he constantly dodged tree limbs which seemed to reach out and latch onto his fur cloak, as if refusing to let their captive go. After some time, the softness of the ground was replaced by a solid layer of stone which did its best to hide the deer's footprints. Seeing now that there were no markings left on the forest's floor, he adjusted his gaze off the ground and onto the trees. Surveying the woods ahead for any markings left by the animal, his eyes caught an irregular colored spot on one of the trees about ten yards ahead. Stepping over a rotten log, he strode over to the tree and examined the markings. The bark was scraped off of a spot on the trunk of the tree, revealing the bare white core underneath. Markings such as this were left by deer after vigorously scrapping their antlers against the trunk of the tree. Noting the freshness of the mark, he removed his bow and fitted an arrow into it. Crouching lower, he began to creep forward taking notice not to make any undesired noise. Taking each step with extreme care, he stepped over dried branches, and ducked under low limbs as he made his way towards a small clearing. Reaching the edge of the clearing he knelt down and scanned the clearing for any sign of the deer.3

Almost immediately he spotted the beast, and gazed upon it in awe. This was the most beautiful deer he had ever seen, and the sheer strength and power it possessed left him feeling somewhat inferior to it. Quickly regaining his senses, he reminded himself that he was the hunter and raising his bow, he pulled the string back steadily aiming at the animal. As he held his breath to steady his aim, it seemed as if the whole forest joined in, and remained silent for what seemed like an eternity. Not the rustling of the leaves from the wind, nor the scurrying of little creatures scavenging the forest's floor, not even the chirp of a a bird was heard throughout the forest. All of nature waited to see what would become of this creature which seemed to be blessed by the Creator with beauty and majesty like none other.4

Pulling the string back a little bit further, he released the arrow and sent it soaring through the air towards the deer. At the same exact moment a furious wind blew through the clearing rustling the trees and blowing debris all over the area. The deer sprang forward startled by the noise, and just as he leaped forward the arrow soared behind him missing him by a few inches. The frustrated Hunter mumbled something under his breath as he removed another arrow from his quiver and quickly fitted it into the bow readying himself for another shot. Rapidly pulling the string back, he released it. Once again the wind blew suddenly and startled the deer, but this time it sent the beast sprinting off into the woods. Shaking his head, the Hunter slung the bow over his shoulder, and continued in the direction that the deer had taken.5

As he jogged briskly through the forest, his mind began to drift back to the events that had taken place in the clearing. It seemed that the Creator himself must have been reaching down and protecting the stag. He quickly however dismissed the idea and just blamed it on bad luck or sheer coincidence. He purposed though, that the next time he encountered this beast it would not escape his arrows.

Author notes

Adult Story Category

This is the first part of my short story, and I would appreciate any compliments, or suggestions.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • andhearts. ox
    August 30
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    Hmm, good story, but not complete. And I'm sure it won't be that short when finished.
    Brownie Points: -5
    Good luck!
    Tori,


  • slyly annonymous
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    It's very descriptive, pictures of the story were painted in my mind while I read this. It's really good,
    Great job =]

    • ZackTruel
      August 22
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you very much!

      I tried to add as much description into this story as possible. I am glad that I achieved the desired effect.

  • volleym
    August 14
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    Very nice story, it had a lot of description, nice job.


  • XxXDreamWeaverXxX
    July 27
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    Contest Entry

    I enjoyed this, it was descriptive.

    It was great, I enjoyed it
    Dream ♥


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    July 5
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    GOOD JOB!


  • Jennywinnie
    July 3

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    p2 as he round the corner he spotted the foot prints...cut the rest because from the distance you wouldn't know if they are animal or not, and two because it's more concise, and you tell about the prints later anyway.


    The description is getting pretty thick. Make sure each independant idea is a new paragraph. You can even keep the same amountof words, but shorter paragraphs tend to be less intimdating to read.

    Add some inner dialgues to breka this up as well.

    Great diea here! I love how the deer gets away, and he's frustrated! Great story


  • Yumiko Kizaka
    May 24
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    it is a good story. i like the detail


  • Reaver Greeters member
    September 24, 2008

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    Other than the VERY long paragraphs and flawwed structure, this was really great to read! I enjoyed the overall concept and found it to be hooking from the beginning. just break it up a bit...easier on teh reader that way!

    Great job!
    Rian


  • Victoria Locket
    October 24, 2007

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    good.

    This story has a very good touch of the feeling to hunt. But I strongly suggest with all the other people, that it should be broken up.

    As I love animals, It was hard for me to read this. But I loved your story anyways. I was very impressed with your use of words. I loved what you did with the hunter. he always like, did something with a weapon of some sort. It was very good, it was the paragraph problem that had me hooked still.

    I think that you are a very good writer, but I think that you should add people talking. It will ease it up, and make it a little longer. Btw, I agree with Drakenwrite. The detailed descriptions are totally great. I think that you did a good job. Rock on!

    • ZackTruel
      October 25, 2007
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      Well thank you very much for the comments. I will work on the paragraph structure as well soon. The part about you not liking animals, well you might be surprised and enjoy the ending when I get there.


  • Drakenwrite
    September 18, 2007

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    The first thing that eventually eroded my ability to read this to the end, was that it wasn't broken up into paragraphs.

    I spun through it quickly to try and locate places where I thought might be a good place to break up the single block of text. As visiual creatures, trying to read a single block of text can tire out the eyes and make people stop reading.

    Also, you do what I do sometimes. The detailed descriptions are great. Try to tone it down slightly, not a lot.., just a bit. There are few people of the general public that are that intrigued by great depth of detail. I am, but then I also love the Anne Rice Vampire series. *chuckles*

    If you would like, I could offer you suggestions on where to break up the block.

    It seems to be a very intresting beginning. Good job.

    • ZackTruel
      September 23, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the suggestions. I agree that it should be broken up, and now that I look back over it, I am surprised that I never split it up... I will work on it and let you know when I am finished. ; )

1 - 13 of 13