Thoughts

I lay in my bad, thinking that I’m ready to die. But think harder, knowing it would be the end. Knowing that it wouldn't be like all the last times... waking up. Knowing, I Would die. And see I have so much unfinished business to attend to. It's hard to breath, my heart skips a beat as I see my life die away. Thinking of my loved ones, what they'll say and do, how they'll take it. And if I fail? Will I be sent away, or put on meds? What?! After I write them notes of my thoughts and feelings for them, then I'll be ready, then I can do it. Kill myself. Some say it's selfish, but what if you're doing it for others? A favor to them, to get rid of just another in the way? Then what is it? Not selfish, but kind? Seeing myself do it, leaving this nightmare in an endless bloody sleep, my heart beats faster. I feel the SORRY etched in my skin on my ribs throb with every beat of my pathetic heart. People say cry don't cut, but what do you do when you run out of tears to cry? When no more will flow from your dry stinging eyes? I only hope more will come soon. So I can suppress my thought, just for a little bit longer. So that I may write those notes to everyone saying why. And this note of my thoughts I'll leave to my friends. Ashley, Krista, all the rest, So they may see, I did think about it and them first. That I planed it. Also that they may see some of the signs, and stop before it's too lae. For it would be horrible for the world to lose such great, wonderful, funny, 'the best friends someone could have' and just more then words could say about them... Pills and razors work for me. I'll write the note then I'll leave. I'll have a 'will' too. So goodbye world... I am now ready to fully let go. I’ve been waiting for the right time, and that time is now...1