Scooping the styrofoam peanuts out of the box felt a lot like dragging out big handfuls of his own guts; it half-disgusted him to do it, but he kept it up anyway, pulling out fists of pale-green lumps and dumping them into a half-filled trashbag. They were squishy like guts, too (or, at least, squishy like he imagined they might be), but not dripping with gore and blood (as he also imagined they would be), so it wasn’t nearly as vomitrocious, but it was still pretty damn bad. He didn’t like doing it, and by God he wished he could be doing something else—ice skating with his testicles, or artfully diving into a pool of acid—but it felt like the only thing he could do without going mad, right now.1
Once the box was empty, every last peanut dragged out of every last crevice with wincing exactness, he went around his room, picking up this thing and that thing, opening this drawer and that drawer, gathering item after item and piling them up into his steadily-overwhelmed arms until he was half-tottering on his feet.2
He dropped them onto his bed, the heap of objects sitting in a disconsolate clutter next to the box. He looked at them for a moment, sitting down in his half-broken chair and staring at them with a sort of numb dismay that made the insides of his heart turn dead and black and crumbly like old charcoal.3
Then he got up, and began to put item after item into the box, arranging them so he could pack as many of them as possible, not wanting to have to go hunting for another box to put some miniscule side-item in later. He tried not to, but he ended up thinking about each one as he arranged it within the cardboard interior, even though it was agony to do so.4
First, a few cards, a couple for Christmas, one for birthday, and one for their two-year anniversary together; this one was his favorite, as it had a pair of cuddling white tigers on it, set against a sky sprinkled with stars and showcasing the sharp shape of a ghostly crescent moon. It went face-down into the box, along with all the other cards.5
A little vase of silk roses went in next, acting as a paperweight as it weighed down on the cards.6
A cap that was a vivid Crayola green went over that, its front adorned with a white circle and a letter L; there wouldn’t be any joking about looking for Mario and knocking on dressers and endtables. Not anymore.7
Crammed in beside these were three stuffed animals:8
A weird pink penguin with a ridge of green going down along its back and up to to the top of its head; it had odd-shaped arms that they were no longer going to get to joke about.9
A honey-colored bear that had been built especially for him as a Valentine’s present. A cuddly thing that had been staring at the inside of a closet for a while (much to his guilty surprise), it now had to stare at the black insides of the box.10
The fluffiest panda bear in all of existence, black and white and cute all over, although it was a bit unclean from too much cuddling in the dead of night; it would now never get the wash that he’d been intending to give it for the last couple weeks.11
After that, he tossed in a trio of DVDs: the hilarious, clay-addled Chicken Run, the bombastic and guitartastic Under Blackpool Lights, and the rude and lewd Stewie Griffin movie. They were tucked into place between the panda and the Valentine bear, never to be watched again.12
They were joined shortly afterwards by three volumes of the venerable One Piece manga and The Tale of Pikachu: Electric Boogaloo. Fine reading, whose pages would never again feel eager fingers flipping the pages or wide brown eyes soaking up the story.13
A shiny black DS Lite, its surface smudged with a million fingerprints, with its Wii wrist strap and its missing stylus. He’d wanted to play Pokemon against her on it, but, as with everything else, he knew he wasn’t going to be getting that chance. He buried it under everything.14
He added a video game (Elebits) to the box, then reluctantly reached over to his desk, picking up the one thing he hadn’t gathered with all the other objects: a photo of her, encased in a wooden frame that was a rich and romantic red, a frame that he had picked out himself for this photo that he had eagerly begged her for. She was smiling at him in it, but he didn’t know if the true her was smiling or not right now—he hoped so, but some part of him knew it was foolish to think so. He gave her beautiful smile one last look before gently adding it to the contents of the box and only reluctantly letting go of it.15
And here came the hardest part.16
He pulled two things out of his pockets: a green velvet drawstring bag and a black leather wallet that looked like it had seen better days—in a war. He didn’t dare look in the bag, at the quartz gemstones and the silver puzzle piece necklace and the jade heart (especially not the jade heart), he just quickly pushed it into the box, gritting his teeth and clenching his eyes against the deluge of tears that had built up behind his eyelids, threatening to burst out of his ocular levees and flood his face in burning blood-hotrivers. He didn’t open the wallet until he was sure he wasn’t going to break down; he needed his eyes for seeing, not crying. Not yet. Not now.17
He flipped open the trifold of his wallet and found her smiling at him again, and he managed to smile back, but it faltered and disintegrated when he remembered. Swallowing hard, he pulled first one, then two, then three pictures out of the little plastic picture holder. They were light and papery, but they felt like lead panels as he slid them into the box with a trembling reverence, feeling them fall away from his fingers, along with his hopes, and his dreams, and his happiness.18
He sat back down on his crippled chair, his hands on his knees, and stared blankly around. He wasn’t crying yet, but maybe he would soon. For the moment, he just looked at the wall with a dead face, the muscles slack, the eyes glazed, and the heart gone, laying there in the box, bleeding.19
What now?
Author notes
For Trisarahtops' contest: I have a weird case of xenophobia--specifically, a fear of grey-type aliens. Very illogical, for sure.
A contest entry
- Show Me! Don't Tell Me! by Saej.
700 points, ended September 23, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Real Life Situations by GrimDeath.
300 points, ended May 19, 2008, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - True to the Heart. by Asonine.
350 points, ended May 29, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Love hurts. by Yoko.
105 points, ended June 14, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Frustrations, anxiety, death, depression.. by RedHearts.
330 points, ended June 30, 2008, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Let's Forget We're Running Out of Time... by Famous by July..
275 points, ended July 7, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Choices... by NightTime-Fox.
400 points, ended July 29, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Tear My Heart Out by Kevan.
120 points, ended September 7, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Life is just a series of let downs. by brittany lee.
100 points, ended December 9, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Pain! by Writing0Freedom.
490 points, ended February 4, 2009, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Rip My Heart Out by Corpses.
175 points, ended January 27, 2009, 40 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me cry! by Cranberri.
400 points, ended April 6, 2009, 29 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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I commented awhile ago and my opponion stays the same. Still a really nice write!
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Haha nice authors notes
This was pretty realistic and pretty gut wrenching. I liked that part of it, I think anyone who has been broken up with can relate to that. I liked the hesitation to prevent the crying as he was putting it away. Really good I liked it as I said.
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i like this
Butttt you forgot some things for the Author's Notes...
Fix them! -
Im not even going to read this until I know which option you think this fits under.
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Wow. This nearly made me cry. Very well done. I have nothing else to say.
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Nicely done! Well written and the detail is great. Good luck!
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Oh man, this was just the type of thing I was looking for. I know the feeling. It's bad, no matter what you do.
I loved the personal-ness of it [yes, I highly doubt personalness is a word], but what I mean is I liked all the details. It really made it very relatable.
Nice work :] -
This was really well written
I found i related to alot of things...especially the chicken run/stewie griffin movie paragraph...that was great
Thanks for entering...good work! Rian
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This is a very well written story. Good imagery. And kept its pace very well. I can see why it has won some trophies. Thanks for sharing it.
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Aww I love the descriptions you use throughout this. It's very well-written and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Congrats on the trophies and good luck in the contest!
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I loved it!!
It's sad but I still love it.
Good luck in my contest!
And thanks for entering.
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This was a good story.
I like how each object has a significance and memory behind it, and how you explain his emotions as he piles them into the box. The whole time I was wondering what he was going to do with it all in the end, and what caught me by surprise was that he didn't even know in the end. That's what I was looking for though, and congratulations for writing a good story.
Keep it up and good luck.
Kevan. -
You've been DQed. I asked for stories that haven't won any awards. I want people to have a chance. Thanks for trying thought.
VH -
if you care to explain to me how this fits into my contest please do tell me...
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I really liked this!
This was well written for sure, and the packing away of his things that reminded him of her was sad.
But I just felt it was missing something, that emotional punch that makes me want to cry and rips my heart into two.
I did like the last line thought, very good.
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This brought tears to my eyes..
An indirect goodbye, maybe? Or just plain old, sad romantic, heartbreak. The imagery and feeling was touching and I just couldn't stop reading. The complex descriptions and wonderfully worded sentences really kept me going. You broke everything up so detailed, so.. so.. wow. I'm not often stunned by writings of the sad variety, but I'll say you caught my interest. Your descriptions, man.. I'm a sucker for descriptions. Thank you for entering! Good luck! (=
P.S. Interesting fear! I like it.
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Good job
That was really good, really great desxcription, I could actually feel the pain..
Thanks for entering!!!!!
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A lot of good imagery but it almost had too much if you know what I mean, it was very dragged out. You had a story of 1000 words which you could say in 200 and it would still be good. A good idea though, makes you wonder what he's going to do next. Screen name in authors notes please.
Good Luck! -
wow. that was interesting! i liked how the whole plot went. good luck and thanks for entering!!
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OMG! So saaad! Lots of good details, so emotional, and heartbreaking. I would have died if I had to feel that horrifing pain. So saaaad! I am sorry to everyone that had to go through this pain.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! Uh, where's your mew? Loved how you wrote this though. Hehe, mew!
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Thanks for entering!
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I would not surprised if you won my contest.lol. though I am not suppose to say that, huh? sorry, I would not be surprised if you were in the finals, there... fixed it
Amazing my the way, very nicely written and emotional, You never said if this was about you... though I am taking a leap, and guessing, yes? anyhow, if so, I am truly sorry that you had to go through that.
Freedom
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Very well written and the emotion is very strong. The details are wonderful as well. Thank you for entering and Good Luck
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Wow, this is well written. I loved the descriptions and the details. I could tell you spent a lot of time with this. I liked this and I felt all the details really built up the guy's character and his adoration for this girl even though she is out of his life now. Well done! Nice write!
Thanks for entering!
WritingFree -
Good job with descriptions. Very detailed and I enjoyed it.
Be careful with using parenthesis, though, because, well, it just brings informality into stories...if that makes sense. Try to incorporate whatever is in the () into your sentence. -
vomitrocious?
wow, really well done, i feel myself getting upset. i think it would be good if you eluded somewhat to what happened to cause it, but not actually went into the details. but atm it could be anything. but still, good work -
wow, that was horrible and depressing, and I loved it. lol.
You did a great job on this piece. The vocabulary you used astound me, and I couldn't stop reading. It was very sad, and that's great, because I could feel the emotions he was experiencing.
Great job! Thanks for a fantastic contest entry. I wish you the best of luck. -
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I'm so glad you liked it, for all its...horrible depressingness... XD
Thank you for all your compliments, and I'm glad that it was engaging as I'd hoped it would be.
Thank you for putting me in as a finalist! I look forward to the contest results!
The green man smiles upon you!
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This is a really good story. WElcome to storywrite and hope you keep on penning.
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