The Beauty in Death

"Grandma, what on Earth IS THIS?"   Asked Juliea holding up a photograph.  The photo had a boy, just about Juliea's age, who was sprawled out in what appeared to be a meadow.  It looked peaceful enough, nothing strange, nothing different. Then why was Juliea shocked and repulsed you ask?  Well, what Juliea saw and what you'd see if you looked close enough was something that would make the devil himself cringe.  If you looked close enough you'd see the blood, the gore and hell its self in the boys eyes.  The worst of it all was, if you held it just right you could see the boy's soul, his spark, his life leaving him.1

"Oh God." Juliea's grandmother said, shaking her head like she was a bobble head doll on a roller coaster. "Just put that away." Her face became twisted and rigid.  "Put that away."2

"Why, wait, Grandma who IS that?"  Juliea pushed.3

"None of your business!  Jesus, Juliea didn't you fucking hear me?"  Replied her Grandmother, her words turning to ice on her lips, becoming fire in Juliea's ear, burning her to tears.4

Grandmothers are supposed to sweet, they're supposed to make you cookies, sew you sweaters and get you that ice cream cone when your mother won't.  Grandmothers are NOT supposed ask you if you "fucking hear me".  Juliea thought as she dropped the photo and fled from the attic.  5

"Juliea, wait!  I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, you know that!"  Her grandmother scurried after her, down the stairs, to the living room, out the door.  "Wait!  Where are you going, it's the middle of January, Juliea come back!  Come back inside, I'll make you hot cocoa... and I'll... I'll... I'll tell you what that picture was about..."  Right as she spoke the words she knew she would regret it but she also knew it was the only way to get Juliea to come back.  And she was right, Juliea snapped back, whiped her eyes and walked back inside. 6

"Who was that?" Juliea asked again.7

"That... that was my childhood friend, Cal.  He... he was different, he questioned things."  Juliea's grandmother laughed, as if she remembered something she'd lost.  "He was something else, that's for sure but... that's what I loved about him..."  She took a long breath as if she'd remembered something she wanted to forget.  "In all honesty I thought we'd end up together but that was before..."  She faded off like it hurt to much to continue.8

"Before what?  What happened?"  Juliea asked all her anger lost now concern filled her eyes.9

"Before he went to far.  See, I didn't grow up here.  I grew up in a place called Beauquest."10

"Wheres that?"11

"How about I just tell you the story, from the beginning to end...12

There was once a place, the place I grew up.  It was a beautiful place, hence the name, a very unique place. See all the miracles and magic on Earth issue from Beauquest.  It was a land perfection and grace. Everyone was happy and loves one another. There was no such thing as anger or jealousy or hate.  No one had to work but no one is lazy. Everything is clean and there's no such thing as dirt. Everyone lived forever in the divine warmth of the sun.  But Cal, he wasn't satisfied, he wanted more, he wanted purpose.13

"What would it be like to be dirty, I wonder?' Cal asked me one day, 'or be upset, I bet that would feel nice, what about dying?  What would dying be like?"14

I just giggled and played with the flower he'd given me earlier.  "What ARE you talking about, dirt, dying?"  I giggled more and he frowned.  "Why wonder about such things, look at the sun, it's shining, look at the grass, it's green, look at us, we're together.  What more could a person want?"15

"Come on!  Don't you wonder?  There has got to be more!  Everyone else is dying!  Think about it!  It must be so wonderful, the doubt, the questioning, the uncertainty they'll even be a tomorrow!"  By then he was flailing his arms, speaking loudly and his eyes were quaking.  By then there was no going back for him.16

"Oh, Cal, You've heard the wiser ones, death doesn't exist.  These places that you dream of, far, far away, they're just myths."17

"No!  No, they're real, not myths.  Death is real, I know it is, I know and I'm going to prove it."  He said and walked away.18

Juliea's grandmother smiled and looked up at Juliea, "He hadn't a single inkling what he was doing, what it would cause..."  Then, she looked away and continued...19

...Two weeks later we were sitting under our tree, I had thought he dropped his interest in death but then he said, "I need more!  I want to know what it's like to die!  Death must be the most beautiful thing!  Think about it, Gina! How are we to love life if it's always there, If it's a guarantee, a sure thing?"  He took my hands, "How are we to truly appreciate love if we can't hate?"20

"I turned away, cringing at the word. Hate, hate, what was hate?"  Juliea's grandmother told her then continued...21

..."Fine!" I finally yelled, "Go find your death, go find horror and hate!  Go tell the wiser ones what you just told me!  I'm tired of it, Cal, I can't take it anymore."  I got up and left, leaving him mouth agape, leaving him full of shock.  I had never yelled before, no one in Beauquest had, in fact, no one had even raised their voice...22

Juliea smiled at this, "My grandma, the inventor of yelling."23

...Cal had taken my advise and went to the wiser ones.  He told them what he told me.  For the first time, they were at a loss of words, another first for Beauquest.  24

"There's no such thing as hate!" They said, closed the door and told Cal to never come back with such nonsense.25

Cal though, he was stubborn, the most stubborn person in all of Beauquest. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the most stubborn person in all of the world. 26

"If these things don't exist then why these fairy tales!?!"  Cal asked me,  "I CANNOT TAKE IT ANY LONGER! I must prove you all wrong!  I must discover the ecstasy of death!  Gina, I love you but I'm off to die!"  He turned and disappeared, trying to find some way, anyway to die.  He threw himself in Faith Lake, only to discover it was 2 feet deep.  He tried slitting his wrist with slate rocks but they wouldn't even pierce his skin.  He found rope and tried to hang himself from the kitchen rafters to find that no matter how tight the rope was oxygen still sneaked its way into his lungs.  27

"That's it!  If I cannot die in Beauquest I'll find some place else!"  He cried in desperation, storming away.28

He stumbled and tumbled his way into the woods, the deeper he got the more lost he became.  29

"Jesus Christ!" He cried after 6 hours of wondering.  'Wait, who is Jesus Christ,' he thought, puzzled he sat down.  After a while his eyes became heavy, and his body weak.  'Is this dying?  Could this be death?' he thought, 'It must be.'  So he lay  his head down, waiting to die and while he did, he created a song.30

Everyone in Beauquest heard his song, it rang in their ears, screeched in they're minds. 31

"What is this?" The wiser ones asked, "Why, What could it be?  It can't be true."32

Soon, Cal realized that he was not going to die, at least not that way.  Slowly, he lifted himself and wandered on. 'How, how can I die' He asked himself again and again.  For some odd reason, everyone in Beauquest  heard his every thought.  33

Juliea's grandma looked up, her eyes filled with tears but she continued.34

I went to the wiser ones told them this,  "How? What... what is he doing!"  I shouted,  "How can you let him continue, I feel what he feels, his desperation, his pain.  Why?  What IS this.  I cannot take it anymore!  I love him and this is killing me!"  They looked at me like I was poison, which I might as well have been.35

"Killing you?"  They hissed.36

"Yes!"  I replied and they looked at each other.  I was sent out by one of the pre-wise ones.  As I walked out they whispered to each other, suspiciously.37

"How, How...."  Cal continued.  "Maybe...No I tried that..."  38

Listening to him through our minds I lay  on my bed.  He was the preacher and I hungry and faithless. 'Cal, Cal, can't you just be happy?' I tried to communicate but I'm sure nothing happened.  'Cal...' I started again but was abruptly interrupted.39

"I know how!" Cal shouted! "Thank God, I know how!"  He paced around the clearing he had called home for the past few days.  "I know!  I'll go to the cliff, Bright's Point!  There's no way I'd live after that!  It's impossible!"40

"No!" I shouted, "No, no, no.  Why?"41

"Yes!" Cal yelled in delight, at last I'll know love, hate, life, and death, I'll know the true meaning of it all!"42

I saw it playing out in my mind, every step Cal took my heart fell.  I knew every step he was one step closer to death.  'Now I know what pain is.' I thought.  I knew it was the worst thing in the world. 43

"Almost there!" Cal said aloud.  "Almost to death! Almost to life..."44

"There!" Shouted Cal, "Bright Point!"45

"No, no, no!  God, anyone, whoever, someone, help!" By then I was screaming at the tops of my lungs.  "Cal, you bastard, don't do it!"  46

Juliea's grandmother was now crying so much it was hard to believe that she hadn't drown them both.  She looked at Juliea, "I was also the first person to ever curse in Beauquest."  Juliea tried to smile at this but couldn't she was too lost in her Grandmother's pain.47

"At last!" Cal shouted.  He put his toes to the edge and I screamed in terror.  "God, No!"  My throat felt as if it would shrivel up and dissolve into a million pieces.  "Just breath, this is it." I heard Cal tell himself.  I tried to close my eyes but knew it was in my head, that nothing would help.  "This is it."  He said and stepped off.  I tried to scream but nothing came out, I felt as if nothing inside of me was left.  My tears stopped and my breath let out.  My mind screamed 3, 2, 1.  That WAS it.  Good bye, sunshine...48

"Grandma?" Juliea asked but her grandmother ignored her.49

"What!? H-How??"  Cal whispered, he'd survived the fall.  I should have been dancing, I should have been thanking whatever lord there was but I couldn't.  My heart had stopped when he hit the ground.  "Gina?" He yelled, sensing my fault as I did his.  "Gina?  What have I done?"  He screamed.  "Nothing else is worth it."  He breathed and forced his heart to stop.  Cal had done what he wanted to, he'd finally died.  The boy I loved was dead.  Suddenly, something shook my heart and resitated me.  "Cal?" I said and sat up.  "Where am I?" I wondered everything around me looked new and different.  I ran outside and there it was, dirt.  Without thinking I flung myself into it.  Laughing though I hadn't a clue why, that wasn't what I wanted, I had wanted perfection.  Then it hit me, this WAS perfection.  There was perfection in every end.  Soon, everyone realized that and everyone came out of their shell.  In no time at all we all discovered we couldn't stand each other.  Eventually, because of lack of population, Beauquest became no more.50

"But Grandma," Juliea interrupted, "Where did the picture come from?"51

"I haven't the slightest clue.  One day, it just showed up on my pillow.  I'd like to think Cal had something to do with it.  Like a ghost or a spirit or something like that..."52

"Are you sorry that all happened?" Juliea asked after a five minute silence.53

"No!  God, no.  If that hadn't happened I'd still be trapped there, I'd still be dead inside.  Besides, if that hadn't happened I'd of never met your grandpa, the real love of my life, would have never had your mom and she'd of never had you."  Juliea and her grandmother smiled at each other and finally Juliea's grandmother said, "Lets go get that hot chocolate." Then, they left, leaving Beauquest's story buried again.54