My dream

When I was young, I wanted to be a vet.1

Gosh, I was naïve! 2

A vet? Me? I can’t even bare to watch ‘Animal Hospital’ on television. 3

I thought a vet was all about fluffy animals, kitty cats and new born puppies, getting to spend time with hamsters and rabbits, rodents that I loved so much.4

But hey, that’s what being young is all about. Seeing things you only want to see, believing only what you want to believe. 5

I was nine when I dropped the vet idea. For a while I didn’t know what I wanted to be. All I knew was… I didn’t want to be a famous.6

Celebrities were rich, beautiful people, with the paparazzi continuously snapping photos of them. I was the shyest girl in my whole class, in my whole SCHOOL. My smile was lopsided (still is) and I had freckles (still do). I was so not celebrity material. 7

I stuck to writing. I was unsure if writers made a lot of money, but I enjoyed doing it. That was all that mattered.8

It was my tenth Christmas when my brother got a guitarHe taught himself to play it, and he was amazing. Of course, me being the little sister, I wanted to do everything like him.9

I begged with him. I pleaded with him. He taught me a song, the White Stripes’ ‘Seven Nation Army’. 10

After that, as silly as it sounds, I was a changed person. I ditched the Britney Spears CDs; the Barbie Shoe clad feet, threw out everything pink or patterned with a heart. This is how I was introduced to punk. 11

The first music I owned after that that even slightly resembled punk rock was an Avril Lavigne album. One of my other brothers bought it for me. 12

I wanted to be just like Avril. She was this huge rebel and I loved it. I learnt all the words to ‘Sk8r Boi’ and literally stood in front of my mirror singing along.13

I was still naïve though. I was still young. I still saw Avril how I wanted to see her. 14

I collected my “punk” clothing items one by one; The odd tight skull sweatband from ‘Claire’s’, black T-shirts from Matalan, second hand clumpy skater Skechers from a charity shop. I thought I looked like cool Little Miss Rebellious. I realise now, I probably looked like a hobo.15

Soon after, when I was eleven, I bought my own guitar. It was a good guitar, but I only picked a good one by chance. I didn’t know anything about guitars. I was just going off how good it looked. It cost thirty pounds. It used up all the money in my piggy bank. 16

Mum used to say to me, “You’d better not stop piano for that guitar phase…” She loved the fact that I played the piano. I’m not a particularly proud person, but I was good at piano. I was determined to be good at guitar, though too.17

Needless to say, I wasn’t great straightaway. Sometimes I’d give up because I thought it sounded so rubbish. Once, I even considered giving it to my brother, because he was a great guitarist and he didn’t have an acoustic himself. It would go to better use.18

I stuck at it though. I didn’t know any chords whatsoever. My brother taught me some bass lines. American Idiot, All The Small Things, Wake Me Up When September Ends, you know the sort. Any simple 90's college rock. I was thrilled.19

In the end, I used up my whole birthday present on a shiny blue bass guitar. It was beautiful. 20

The bass did wonders for me. Suddenly, I was asked to join three bands at once. I became an important and rare addition to a band. Overcome with excitement and joy, I accepted all of the offers. Two of them had practices, but both bands were crap, and the third one didn’t even bother with a practice in the end. 21

Still, after jamming with my brother I’d got a taste for it now. I wanted to be in a band. I wanted to be like Green Day, like Blink 182, Good Charlotte, all the bands I then looked up to. 22

I searched high and low, and after two long years, five attempted bands and the loss of three friends because I’d kicked them out of the so-called bands, I made a new friend. 23

She was a brilliant singer. I left my bass in my bedroom, and brought out my old acoustic. We formed a band. The Keelys. Re-learning was hard, but I practiced and practiced and practiced and practiced. People started to say how good I was getting. Mum even promised me lessons.24

I was thirteen years old and I wanted fame. I still smile at the fact that only a few years ago, I was saying how bad it must be to be to be a celebrity.25

I’m fourteen now. I’m an okay guitarist, I know that. Still in the "band", still haven’t got those lessons yet, though. Writing music is one of my favourite hobbies. And all I want is to be able to share my music with the world. 26

I want it so badly that I am willing to go to great lengths to get it. I'd heard of bands that had saved people's lives. I want to help somebody, save somebody's life with my own music, make people happy as Avril Lavigne made me happy all those years ago. She's definitely no hero of mine now. I complain bitterly about her terrible new image a lot of the time. But I'm still kind of grateful for her inspiration back then. I want to go on stage and do what I love most, play music.27

My dream is far-fetched, I know, but I believe I can do it. And I’ve been toying with the idea of this new life motto: Believe only what you want to believe.28