idk... =(

Dear Jon,

Baby I know what you saw tonight hurt you a lot, but when we talked last night I didn't know what to do anymore. The first time we really talked in four years, you told me you weren't sure if you thought I was happy with you. You said that we should find out if we were meant to be and this was the only thing that came to my mind at that moment.

I felt so wrong so disgusted with myself like there was something missing from it all. Thats how I know I do love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life there is no one else in this world that makes me feel so special and loved and makes me feel the way I feel with you. Everything is so perfect between us, I think. Thats why I don't know why you mentioned all of that last night.

So I took your advice and did something to see if you were the one I truly wanted to be with, and baby all I can say is that what I did tonight was for us and I understand if you never forgive me, I wouldn't even forgive myself. What I did was cheating and unfaithful, I didn't know how to tell you that I wanted to experience with another man to see if its you I want.

When I was in the room with that other guy all I could think about was you I think I also called him your name I couldn't get you out of my mind. This is how I know you are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. You're my other half you know me better than myself and you make me feel complete. You always were able to put a smile on my face when I was the saddest person alive.

I wish that I knew what I know right now and could rewind time so I wouldn't have to cheat on you to find out your my one and only. I do hope you could forgive me and I'm always here for you whenever you need me even if were not together.

I hope what you saw you didn't take to serious because Jon your the only one I love and could ever love, when me and the other guy layed down we started to kiss and he rubbed his hands all over my body. But you were the only one that came into my mind and what I was doing was so wrong. Thats why I couldn't go any further, we didn't have sex just to let you know. Right when you walked in I was just getting up to tell him that I couldn't do it no-matter how angry he would of gotten.

I hope you read this letter and find it in your heart to forgive my sins and you can trust me and I'll swear to god that that would never happened again because I know now that your my one I've been searching for. please be able to forgive me and never leave me I don't want to lose you. We all make mistakes once in our life's. Like you kissing Vanessa on the day before our wedding I forgave you when you said you were drunk and didn't know what was going on.

I love you Jon with all my heart and soul....

Love always and forever,

~Rachel~