Baby join me in Death1
Join me 2
Join me in Death3
Her angelic voice chanting verses,a blurred vision of her smile and the distinctive taste of rich, thick blood were his last memories. It seemed as if he had been twirling within this circle for eternities. But then eternity can be summarized in a moment.4
For some reason yet to be fathomed,the circle was broken by a lukewarm sensation.Neither not nor cold. It was just....right!Something like a tender wakeup call.5
Conscience was his limb laid on a cold floor surrounded by swaying mist so thick that he could vaguely distinguish a black spot in the sky. Slowly the spot began to take the shape of a black crow that landed on his chest. The mystical being stared long and hard into his eyes, penetrating them into his soul. Only one creature can do that to him. It's her!! He blinked. IT WAS HER!! They were once again near the lake down the road to their house. She was wearing her baby blue dress that flattered her curves and shone through her blue grey eyes. She was trailing a path of kisses down his chest. She reached his belly button and licked another path up his chest, along his neck and ended by cupping her lips with his. 6
He closed his eyes with pure ecstasy and moved along to hug her. Their kiss seemed to last forever. All he could think was : this is heaven! This is how heaven must feel like;to touch and feel her. He fluttered his eyes open to stare once again upon that vision of loveliness, but what his eyes met struck a cold path of horror through his spine. She was once as that fatal night. Her snow-white gown was soaked with blood. Her lashes and cheeks were tainted with blood pouring down the opening he slashed on her forehead. Down her neck was the path beaten from her left lip that spurred out with her last intake of breathe. The eyes still mirrored the shock and horror of the first stab that hit her stomach. All he could do was do was stare with remorse at the numb corpse in front of him. He crept and threw himself upon her feet, muttering words of apology whistle trembling.7
What he saw next send his blood pumping with rage. It was the day he saw Derek moving on to hug her, but instead of pushing him aside- as before- she embraced him back. His hands shot to his pocket to fetch the antique knife and raced to stab them both, but some force threw him back and they were shielded. They stared and smiled cynically the broke up into a hysterical laugh. She took their wedding ring and threw it to his face before walking away hand in hand with Derek. 8
All he was left with was pain,rage and an antique knife. Once again that knife was to be his salvation, but this time it came out intact. He was already dead! This was his fate. Mortality!9
Derek broke up and shattered away. Payback is a bitch Jason and you forgot that I AM A BITCH! All I did was for us but you betrayed me. Your pain is my vengeance. You are forevermore my slave.........10
Author notes
please read the first part if you didn't. it will help you out in figuring the story.
and fadi you kept snooping around me all the time i was writing this trying to peck. i expect you to wrte a decent comment this time and say everything you told me when you read it.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Purely Awsome!
I liked this part too... again, I found a few speeling mistakes... and I am sorry if they have already been repeated. Secon paragraph, secon sentence, you have "not" I think you mean "hot". Also in the second paragraph, put a space between the first and second sentence... in the fourth paragraph... you have "was :" I think that you should get rid of the space there and have it be "was:". And in the last paragraph, I'm not sure if you intended this, but I don't think "forevermore" is a word... I think it is two sepreate words... those are just my suggestions... you don't have to take them if you don't want to.
ANYWAYS... I thought this was an amazing companion piece to your fist part. It was detailed and descriptive. There was heartbreak, gore, horror, and a bit of love surrounded this piece. Great job and keep up the great work.
Ashkabush
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That part where she's coming down from the sky ... just too amazing ... pure, holy, erotic, sweet, heartbreaking, terrifying ... wow, I'm really liking this story.
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haunts you till death
okay now me by the way i commented on this poem but i don't know why its not there...??
anyway
i was the first to read it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i am happy
the story is simply unbelievable its sad and sad
and sanaa that was evil whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????????
why did you do that to him
i mean every bastered should rot in hell but this is simply too much!!!!
well i loved it and Nour you can never beat my comments for my comments are strait from the heart!!!!
and sis you know how much you mean to me
anyway the story needs more than "unforgetable" so i'll make up a new verdict....its :"haunts you till death"
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See, this I find sooo erotic. It is sexy and raw, with true emotion flowing from each word. But, it also haunts my mind and makes me think of a Steven King novel. The crow is a real live animal but when used in a story it takes on almost a mythical character, and you have used it so well. But what force was it that shielded that antique knife? Was it a physicle or mental, or God forbid a spiritual force. I like it a lot baby, but I do know English isn't your first language so a few grammatical and spelling errors are forgivven. Luvya.. Dave
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I read this Zelts... I'll comment tomorrow, my mind not working at the moment, so just bear with me, I will give it my honest thoughts, ok? take care..Dave.
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thanks for telling me about my mix up. i owe that extra erotica part to fadi who was like write more details. i probably would have just said they kissed. thanks for the comment.
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Amazing!
Neither not nor cold don't you mean hot?
..her lips with hers ..His lips with hers..?
Ok now I bet my comment isn't gonna be as decent as Fadi's but I'll give it a shot..
WOOOOOOW
This combined my favorite elements.. Blood, drama, love, passion, betrayal.. I bow speechless before your words..
Nour-
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