Once I bought a doll
So cute lovely and small
Hair so blonde eyes so green
Such a pretty lovely queen
I brought her home
And got a dome
But why dont you grow
I still dont know
Like a dwarf so short
But your beauty doesnt distort
I grow taller everyday
But you remain the same way
You never grew an inch since then
Babies grow and become men
Shrubs grow and become trees
I wonder if you have a disease
Look how the grass tall they grow
I have you a long ago
Flowers go to blossom and bloom
With a lovely scent of perfume
A Kitten grows into a cat
I dont know if you noticed that
The mark that I made on the wall
When I measured you while you were small
That was a long time ago
When I first had you though
Still I can recall
And still you are yet so small
Take a look dolly dear
Dont you find it queer?
Everything is growing here
Yet youre the same year after year
I measure you so often
While your hands go to soften
I thought I had plenty of food to eat
Sameness still reigns on your feet
I got a lot of drinks you can drink
Plenty of shampoo so you wont stink
Isnt that enough dolly my dear?
You haven't grown a bit for a year.
Babies grow and walk
They blabber then start to talk
Arent you going to grow?
I worried I want to know
Do the doctors have a cure
Arent you going to be mature?
Youre such a silent baby
Always loving to lullaby
All you do is staring into my eyes
Or gazing at the skies
Arent going to wear a diaper
Arent going to get naughty and hyper
Wont you spell your first word
I find it very absurd
It isnt hard at all
You can walk once you crawl
Look how the parrots go to tweet
Twaddle and shake their feet
Its just a little bird
How easy it can utter a word
He can chat so easy
I think youre kind of lazy
I cant even feel you breathe
How could I know what else you need?
Dolly my dear, I think your dunce and numskull
Your mind to plane flat and dull
I guess youll ever going to grow
But still I love you though
I got for you a baby-house
Where there is a fake kitten and a mouse
The walls of carton so fake
They can bend but cannot break
There is a car a toy
A dolly like you only a boy
There are other things that dont grow
Along them you can go along with the flow
Dolly my dear I love thee
Though your eyes of glass cannot see
But you never say a word to hurt
Nor utter a curse or a flirt
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Fun
Here's my two-cents' worth.
How about some commas in stanza 1? Like this:
"So cute, lovely and small
Hair so blonde, eyes so green
Such a pretty, lovely queen"
Stanza 2, line 3: "But why don’t you grow" could use a question mark at the end.
Stanza 3, lines 1 and 3: How about a comma, like this: "Like a dwarf, so short"? And in line 3: "taller everyday" ... "everyday" is two words: "every day".
I love stanza 4! Very cute! And the rhymes are neat, too.
Stanza 5: "Look how the grass tall they grow
I have you a long ago" - a bit confusing. How about something like this: "Look how tall the grasses grow"? And I don' know about line 2. What are you trying to say?
Stanza 6: lovely!!
Stanza 7: "And still you are yet so small". You shouldn't put "still" and "yet" in the same line as the effect is redundant.
Stanza 8 and 9: I love them!! They make me smile. And I love the rhymes.
Stanza 11, lines 2 and 4: I'd add a couple of commas: "They blabber, then start to talk" and "I (I'M) worried, I want to know".
Stanza 12: lines 1 and 2 are great!
Stanza 13: "All you do is staring into my eyes
Or gazing at the skies" - "stare" instead of "staring" and "gaze" instead of "gazing". Lines 3 and 4 are splendid! Especially, "Aren't you going to get naughty and hyper?"
Stanzas 14 and 15: Cute and clever.
Stanza 16: No rhymes this time? And the flow, here and in the next stanza is starting to get a little rough.
Stanza 17: How about this: "Dolly, my dear, I think you'RE A dunce and numBskull
Your mind toO plane, flat and dull
I guess you'RE Never going to grow" (I only used all caps so you could see what I added.) And about line 4, I don' know what to suggest. "But" and "though" are redundants... and I'll let you figure it out from there.
Stanza 18: Fine, except that maybe you could change one of the "fakes"? It might sound better without two of them in the same stanza.
Stanza 19: How about this (all caps again so you can see the changes):
"There is a car, a toy,
A dolly like you; only a boy
There are other things that don’t grow
AlongSIDE them you can go with the flow".
Stanza 20:I'd add a comma to line 1: "Dolly my dear, I love thee". And I would suggest a word other than "but" for the beginning of line 3, since that runs into the same redundancy problem again.
That's probably the most long-winded "two cents worth" ever! Sorry about that! I hope it helps, though. -
This is really sweet, and very dicriptive. this can represent and or symbolize alot in life. what is a dome?? and what does it have to do with the dolly? Other than that one line i really enjoyed reading your poem. to me this ment alot and it touched a small part of my heart. this is really impressive and i really like it. im eager to read other works by you it flowed right through and never skipped a beat it was steady and the rhyming was perfect. I think this poem is from deep down in your heart. The doll stands for the inner child i think. but hey im not a expert it just speaks to me and i think it does to other people to. this stands out and represents a talent... Keep on writting and you will go far
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Terribly Sweet
It was such a cute poem, and although I thought some parts weren't necessary for instance: "Look how the grass tall they grow
I have you a long ago
Flowers go to blossom and bloom
With a lovely scent of perfume"- to me it was kind of awkward to put in there. Anyways, you did a outstanding job,the rhyming was straight on, and it had a beautiful flow.
Keep up the goo work,
I'll be reading more from you.
♥ -
It was a really cute and nice poem but poems go on AllPoetry.
It had a nice story behind it but i think it needed a bit more punch to it; to keep the reader interested.In the 16th stanza you need to replace "you'll ever" with "you're never".
I think there was a bit of a problem with past and present tense in the 13th stanza but apart from those minor mistakes you have a great poem on your hands!
You have a good rhyming going there and it flowed nicely.
Good Job!
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This kind of dragged, you need more oomph for something long like this, though it came from a childs mouth as I think was intended some words didn't go with said flow.
The ending was good, maybe cut some from the middle and that like parts which arent all necassary and leave it as that.
Good job though, a lil dull but god.
~Lady Madeline. -
Dear you: poems go on allpoetry. love me. ps: its a really cute poem...really shown from the point of view of a child. It was a good read, even though I was expecting a story. But i guess the poem tells a story, so its okay! haha. good job.
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That was so cute! I loved reading it the way you worded everything that makes for a perfect children's poem I can actually remember wondering that myself when I was little lol. Very cute!
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HAHAHA
that's seeeeely. (silly...)
that's also cute.
it'd be better if it had more....PUNCH to it.
like.....shorter, don't mention it's a doll
liked the shampoo and the like, though. -
Cute Poem! I love that even though it is pretty long, you managed to find words that fit into the poem, and managed to have them rhyme too.
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This is so adorable. Brings the reader into a feeling of innocence.
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haha, its a cute poem.
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This is cute I love it
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great!
I liked this poem alot, very cool.beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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That was nice. I think my favorite part is the fact that under that complicated way of writing, it still seems like the words came form the mouth of a child. Very well written. Good job.
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I really liked this, it was cute and I loved how it rhymed. I personally think that it would have been better if it was shorter, it got to a point where it just seemed you were repeating everything to make a rhyme. But it was a really good write, nice work.
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haha
dolls dont grow! i've wondered the same thing though...i had all hese beautiful dolls (including a blonde-haired green-eyed one) and i went on a hair cutting spree with them and the hair never grew back (=
but good job. amazing how that all rhymed. wow (= -
Goodwork!
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wow
This is SOOO cute! Its reaally good too, you found just the right rhymes and everything. I always found it hard to find rhymes.... Anyway, great job! -
Yay Poem!! It's CUTE!!!! I LOVE it Nice job
~Blackwings
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It's pretty nice. It's simple and easy; a perfect poem for kids. I like the way it rhymes-- a little forced at places, but it merits its place, being a children's poem.
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A somewhat poignant look at a childs love for her dolly. Very descriptive of the dolly and how she looks. A sense of wonder at why dolly doesn't grow, then the realization that Dolly is just a doll. Nice rhyme and flow. Though at times the rhyme seemed a bit forced. Nice write overall.
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I have got lots of dolls and i would be scared if they got big. i like your story and it was funny in bits and sad in bits. i like how you decsribed how she looked like. she sounds like she looks like my mummy but my mummy has got red hair.
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This is really fantastic. I love all of the details that you put in to this poem. good job and keep writing...
♠Punk
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wow
this was the best read i've read all day. it's really great. good job
beginning: 1, ending: 2, characters: 1.
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This was beautifully written, big brother! I just love to read your stuff it always makes me happy!
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Kins of sad, kind of creepy. The first couple of stanzas followed a perfect rhyming patter but afterwards things seemed forces.
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Yay you are posting again! I have missed your poems. You write so wonderfully.
This was sadly beautiful and you did a really good job describing what she looks like and all that.
Keep up the great work and keep on posting.
Emma
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