The Vampire Story You Never Expected

I was a fast-talking, too clever, smart-alecky kid, and I knew it. I guess I got that from my dad, he's a car salesman. I also knew that I was damn good looking- a skinny girl with B+ boobs and curly hair- on the right side. On the left side, my eye was completely missing, only an empty socket. But when I covered that with a sweep of my hair, you couldn't tell at all. My dad always said that I wouldn't scare so many boys off if I didn't try to out-talk them, but I liked it like that. I liked being on top of a conversation, smooth talking my way out of any confrontation, and wise-cracking my way in others.1

Maybe it was because of this that I survived that night last September, or maybe it's because of this that I was in danger at all.2

I live out in the Midwest, Iowa, to be exact. Big old country state, big old fields, big old farms, little old town. September 12th was the last day of the county fair. Kitschy, right? But I went anyway, just to see what the fuss was over. To make a long story short- nothing. A Ferris Wheel, some apple pie judging, a wrestling match or two; small town stuff. I decided to leave early without my dad, who had to stay and try to sell a couple of renovated '64 Fords. 3

I walked back to my house, about two or three miles, no big deal in the too-safe Land of Iowa. The country road was dusty, and the night was exceptionally windy, blowing hair across my good eye, making it damn hard near to see. I decided to take a turn off road through a patch of woods, to use the trees as windbreakers. 4

Bad Idea Number One.5

Or maybe Number Two, Number One being walking home alone.6

Anyway, I was walking, alone, in said woods, and was actually enjoying myself in the moonlight, away from the heavy fried smells of the fair. I had walked about a mile when something made me stop and turn my head up towards the orange autumn moon. I remember what happened next quite clearly.7

"Hello, beautiful," said a purring voice.8

Whipping my head around, I spotted a male shape leaning in the shadows. Sinister and slender, arms crossed, white teeth shining faintly.9

"Hello, yourself. Is this a rape or a mugging, and should I start screaming?"10

He grinned. "Perceptive. It's neither." The figure took a few steps closer. 11

"So," I said, buying time and wishing Iowa sold Mace, "Is this a date invite? Or is this a murder? Hot shit, I'd rather you rape me. Or take me out for coffee."12

He laughed, but it was a cold sound.13

"I'm still a virgin," I mentioned, trying to be helpful.14

"I don't want that, although that is a very, very tempting offer," he whispered, stepping out onto the dirt road. "It's more of your blood that I'm interested in." He was tall, I'd say at least 6'2" and well toned. If I hadn't been midly afraid, I would have been impressed. But as it was, I was weirded out. Especially after he grinned again. Woah. Teeth filed to points, protuding against his thin lips like a crodolilian smile. My breath swooped out of my lungs.15

"Let me guess," I said, with dry tongue. "You are some sort of... vampire wannabe? Maybe a werewolf? Or are you a serial killer that I haven't heard of yet? I mean that'd be cool and all, being the first victim of a serial killer, and would definitely be preferable to being an undead. I don't see a weapon," I scanned his body quickly, "so I'm guessing you're some sort of pretend vampire."16

"I'm not a fake." He lifted up a hand, showing webbed fingers.17

I surpressed a nervous giggle. "You're a mermaid! Sweet!"18

Bad Idea Number Three.19

He growled at me, animalistic. "I'm a bloodsucker."20

"Listen," I said, trying not to sound afraid. "I've read tons of vampire stories, and you don't seem to fit. Ever read vampire books? What about Edward Cullen, from "Twilight?" He was dead sexy, and his eyes were black when he needed to feed. He was super strong and super fast. You're lookin' pretty... human, and if I'm not mistaken, your eyes are green. Maybe hazel."21

He didn't look any happier, and he came a little closer. I got more nervous with every step he took.22

"And, and, that other book! The urban one, "Peeps," by Scott Westerfield. I read that, too! Those vampires were infected by some kind of parasites, and they were crazy. And lusty. You seem pretty in control of yourself right about now."23

He shook his head and laughed.24

"You think so, my little blood bird?" He moved a few feet closer, amused.25

"That's right, I do." Trying to smile- "Hell, I've even read the original Dracula, he was definitely undead, and turned into a bat and everything. Not only do you not look batlike, Mister Nocturnal, I can hear you breathing. Definitely not undead. In fact, you're breathing pretty heavily. Like a fish out of water. Sure you aren't a mermaid? Merman?" I gulped, I could see his eyes slide in and out of focus, pupils aiming for my neck. "Something non-lethal?" I whispered.26

He had moved very, very close. Within kicking distance. I was in no position to kick anyone, though. I was totally absorbed in his face, which I could finally see clearly. He looked like a normal college-age student, a bit older than me, maybe. Scruffy, with dark hair, hazel eyes (I was right), tan skin, thin lips, and those wickedly sharp teeth. Mostly though, I watched his eyes. They faded in and out, like he was battling some sort of drug problem. That drug problem however, seemed to be my throat. (Damn, I should have worn a turtleneck.) Suddenly, one of his large hands crossed the space between us and slipped behind my back. For once, I was at a loss for words. The exhiliration of being near someone who had threatened to kill me on a moonlit night was kicking in my adrenaline, and I was even starting to believe the stranger's claims of vampirism. 27

Tightening his grip on me, he slid me closer, and kissed me. It wasn't a sensual kiss, but it was full of a strange, alien passion, a passion for my breath, not my lips; for my life, not my body. He broke it, and I realized my arms were pinned to my sides. His right hand approached the left side of my face, and smoothed away the hair there. He recoiled, eyes spiraling around my eye socket, and snatched his hand back. Instantly, I popped in him the jaw, hard, and ran like hell for the main road. No real vampire would have cared what I looked like when he was so close to my veins, and I had also smelled some cheap cannibas on his shirt. Once he freaked out over my missing eye, it was easy to give him a good right hook and turn tail. I ran as hard and fast as I could, and didn't hear him following.28

As soon as I flagged down a car, I called the cops and reported one missing physcho loose in the woods. I even made the local paper- front page to the county fair, can you imagine!29

Bad Idea Number Four? I hadn't bothered to ask him if the webbing between his fingers helped him swim or not; I'd always wanted to know.