Tears escaped my eyes as I clutched the little body between my arms, caressing the soft skin, crooning lullabies in hushed whispers. I held the little angel in a tight embrace, evoking flames of affection into hearts. It seemed as if I were in bliss, a paradise of dreams. Those were blessed moments.
I relished the time in memories, when I was in a place devoid of meaning. Just me and my little angel, suspended between time and cosmos, his soft form pressing into mine. I hoped it would never end, that instant where I stood in oblivion.
I could sense people staring, kind eyes peering at me, yet I did not care. Those months of sacrifice and pain had ended, and the fruit was before me, a soundless and silent bundle. I peered into his eyes, the shades of an azure tinge. I had even begun thinking up a name for him.
His lucid skin was glowing and bright, and he was a beautiful baby, soft features illuminated in the fluorescent lighting. I thought I heard him say something, in a barely audible whisper, I thought he said ‘mama’. I kissed the little forehead, patting the wisps of hair.
Strong hands wrapped around me, gently tearing me apart from my angel. I saw two intense yet grieved azure eyes, the same ones of my angel, blink in their watery graves, looking into mine. I held the baby up to my husband, smiling as I showed him the luscious skinned face. He seemed so tranquil, so peaceful.
Then, the man motioned towards a woman and she approached me, attempting to take hold of the petite stature. He was so gentle, so sweet; I did not want him in her hands. Yet, she pried the stillborn baby from my hands, turning her back towards me and making towards the door.
As she left, I echoed in one single sob that reverberated inside me. I could have sworn I heard him say, ‘mama’ once more …
Author notes
The 'mama' of course does not count in dialogue since it is not dialogue and is inside her head.
A contest entry
- Two very interesting options... by DuchessAura of Brie.
925 points, ended September 15, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Scare Me, Woo Me by hey incendiary.
1225 points, ended October 3, 2007, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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SWEET...."MAMA"..... I THINK THIS WAS CHILLING IN MY MIND WITH LOVE, SO HEART WRENCHING
love blair *_* keep it up...brilliance unmasked
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GosH! asfand this is sooooo grrreat man!...totally a stellar write!...you rrrreally rock yaar!....and you know I got it print (lol)...funny na!xD....but yaar I really loooouuu-ve it! - just wooow!
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I liked everything except the use of the word "luscious," because that word brings to mind buxom women or rich foods, and not a beautiful baby. A very very sweet and sad story.
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Well, it was perhaps a little indulgent in "advanced" words. Remember that it is only safe to use a collegiates vocabulary frequently when you are amongst collegiates. Powerful stuff, though.
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Beautiful. A very cliche story told in a astonishingly beautiful way. You have a good grip on language and the way you weave your words is phenomenal. Great job! Congrats on the trophy, you were truly deserving.
Do keep writing.
Ankita
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This is heartbreaking, great job on this very difficult topic.
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Wow...this almost made me cry. So amazing. Thanks so much for this entry =) Its very sad.. . I feel the words you used to describe everything was perfect, this story really did make me want to cry.
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oh, thanks for the silver!!! thanks for you comment too! I'm glad you liked it!
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Beautiful
The way you captured emotins was right on, amlost cryed because I lost a cousin that way and everything. but wow it was amazing.
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Wow
That is so amazing. So much description. I really liked that
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i LIked it
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I almost broke my heart - never lost a child to stillbirth, but lost a nephew and godson to cot death. Feelings were very similar across the whole family, but you describe the mum's feelings perfectly.
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Beautifully done. The emotional pull is terrific here, the fact this being a still born child quite evident yet the scene so compelling.
Who knows, maybe the name was called out and only that one special person could hear?
Jim
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This Was Beautiful
I loved this so much! It's very sad, but you feel the mother's heart as she thinks about her baby. This baby she carried for so long and now to have it, only to lose it. I really felt her emotion, and I felt how sad she was.
This story made the baby look so angelic. Instead of writing about the death of the baby, you chose to portray those last moments of the Mother and Child with each other, as something beautiful. And you ultimatly sent the silent message that all babies are miracles.
Wonderful Job as Usual! lol.
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NIce job!
I have to admit when you begin to read this piece you know the child in her arms is dead, how at first your not sure. Then it becomes clear she has given birth to a still born baby.
Nice job, pulled on all the right heart strings and a pleasure to read and review.
Sarah.
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Excellent piece of writing...full of emotion and pain. Yes you do change the pronouns and it is a bit awkward. Possibly fix that and you have an excellent piece. Nice job!
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wow. That was intense. Good job, Asfand.
There were a couple places where the narrator broke the appearance of thinking of the angel as a 'him' when she referred to him as an 'it'. I don't know if that completely made sense, but it did in my head before I typed it out, so either you understood it or you didn't.
I likes this piece. Nice job, once again. Your writing style is captivating.
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ah, i notice the mistake now, a rather pesky one! thanks for the headsup Saej!
*goes of to edit*
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This is so touching, and yes, tearing a child away from their mother is very cruel. Your passion and love for this really exceeds the limits of morality, yet you just express every feeling of life you have in this wonderful story. Good job, and keep up the good work!
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Tearing a child away from their mother is just cruel! And you totally had all the emotion coming through perfectly. It was so sad and bittersweet ^^ Great work and good luck in the contest
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Awwww, this is heart breaking and gut wrenching to me. But how beautiful, you could FEEL the love and emotion in this, AMAZING work here Asfand!
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