Lost Love

He rode into the thicket deep in thought. He reminisced about the tragic moment when his heart was torn to pieces. He still bore the guilt of how he shot his own true love with an arrow after misaiming at a boar. He remembered the blood trickling out from the wound where the arrow had hit her in the chest. As this painful memory resurfaced, he closed his eyes gently as he replayed it through his mind, tears pouring down his high cheekbones. Suddenly, his horse reared up, throwing him from its back, bolting deep into the forest.1

He stumbled on and paused when he heard a rustling in the bushes ahead. Turning toward the sound, a blinding light stunned him as it illuminated his pale features. He was in a grassy meadow; the long, green grass tickled his knees. A woman was directly across from him, his horse was beside her and her presence seemed to be calming it. A second horse emerged from the other side of the forest and strode confidently up to the woman. This horse must have been her own for it was nuzzling her affectionately. The woman came out into the sun and smiled warmly. Her dark brown hair shimmered in the light. Her large green eyes were fixed on him. He looked from his horse to the woman and back again. He realised that if he was to retrieve his horse he would have to acknowledge this woman, something he feared, something he hadn’t done since the passing of his wife. Hesitantly, he returned the smile.2

He edged closer, hand outstretched, ready to reclaim the reign of his horse. He tripped, finding himself in this strange woman’s arms. At first he was startled, but then he found it was a wonderful feeling to be held warm in a woman’s embrace. He looked into her eyes- round and luminous, her pale complexion and her loose curls caressing over her shoulders. A soft smile danced around the edges of her rose- red lips. It was then reality set in. He broke away from her, hastily mounting his horse. Just as fast, the woman nimbly mounted her own. They looked each other in the eye. It felt wrong but slowly his expression softened and was replaced with a passionate stare.3

The horses circled each other, their mounts fixed in an intense staring contest of passion. They slowly demounted but continued to hold their horses steady and stare at each other. The clearing was silent except for the rustle of the breeze through the grass and the soft singing of distant birds. They moved closer and closer to one another. Their lips were just about to connect when they heard a rustle in the bushes. A blonde- haired man emerged and looked at the woman passionately. It was here that he noticed the raven- haired man standing beside the woman.4

Both men’s eyes connected and their expressions were distorted with pure fury. They glared intently at one another and the horses shuffled uneasily. With a quick glance at the woman, the first man swept his wavy black hair away from his eyes and noticed for the first time the woman’s white dress and protruding petticoats. All expression was wiped from his face but inside a raging war of shock and anger was being fought. He realised what this meant and mounted his horse. With a fleeting last glance at the woman and her to- be husband, he grasped the reigns and galloped away.5

And there they stood, man and horse, silhouetted against the setting sun. His raven hair was slightly ruffled by the breeze. His intense eyes gazed into the valley for the last time. He turned away and he and his horse disappeared into the distance as they galloped away as fast as possible, heart broken.6

Author notes

this story is something I wrote from inspiration. It just popped into my head one day when I was thinking about what to write for my English assignment. I developed it since then and, well, here it is! Hope you like it! This is a romance story.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • Taboo Pixie
    February 11, 2008
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    Yeah I'll give you my comments for this story when you follow All the rules in my contest.


  • ChristineDaae
    November 30, 2007

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    That was cleverly detailed, and sorta creepy. I mean, a woman being so cruel to a man she just met, it's terrible. I could sense the character's presense, I loved it


  • perfect paradox
    November 14, 2007

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    Detailed, be careful of starting your sentences with the same word. Needs some more depth. I love the ending.

    Thanks for entering my contest.


  • On.Cue
    November 10, 2007
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    Very detailed and descriptive.

    Thanks for entering my contest =)


  • Summer Lion
    November 10, 2007
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    The only mistake I found in this is that you spelled the term for getting off a horse as "demounted" but it is "dismounted." What can I say I am a horsey term nut. The story had me a little confused but I think that is probably cuz there is something I don't know about it. Other then that it was well written and a good short story.


  • Olinda
    November 6, 2007
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    this is a pretty good story!! Thanx


  • DarkOneShadow
    November 6, 2007

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    This was very good... the no dialogue was interesting... to make it more real, I would have used dialogue in this, but good job overall...

    DarkOne


  • Natalie-
    October 27, 2007

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    I liked how well the characters were put in too and the setting, lovely story. Thanks for entering it in my contest.

    plot: 5.


  • StoneColdAssassin
    October 22, 2007

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    The descriptions where perfect and I really got a good picture! Could have used...more in my opinion before the ending. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • Lady-Jane
    October 18, 2007

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    OOOOOOooooo. Good stuff. It was interesting and a bit mysterious almost. I don't know why but I really like this! Great work and Good luck.


  • Taylor Renee
    October 14, 2007

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    ...I don't know which of my friends you are But if I knew your name I'd surely remember!
    This story was sooo sad. It was a very interesting line, how he murdered his wife by mistake. That was good, real good.
    And then the whole meeting of the to be married woman. I loved how you wrote this, though it was a little hard to follow.

    I enjoyed this piece thoroughly, though! I loved how you wrote it as if the man...I can never do that quite right!
    Very nice piece! Thank you soo much for entering, and good luck!
    xoxo
    Tay

  • sugarrrainbow
    October 8, 2007

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    Wows...!
    I'm really in love with this.
    I was disappointed by the shortness, but otherwise it was really, really good!
    Thanks for entering!
    Good job and good luck!


  • illegalfairy
    October 8, 2007

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    This was really good. I loved how you described it when he noticed that she was in a wedding dress. I hate women who are like that. Good job and I'm glad you entered it into the contest.


  • darkpaintedreams
    September 28, 2007

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    Hey, thanks for entering my contest. I liked this, especially the descriptions and how the man and women met. It was sad he's still heartbroken in the end. But anyways great job on this and good luck in the contest.

  • abba12
    September 22, 2007
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    this isnt bad. i feel bad for both men lol, i hate women even if i am one myself. good work


  • Saej silver member
    September 14, 2007
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    you know, I liked this story, but you broke one of my rules. I'll let it slide since it was talking about something in the past, but really I should dq you. lol.

    This was well written, and I enjoyed reading it.

    Thanks for the entry, and good luck in the contest.


  • Token Massacre silver member
    September 11, 2007

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    might want to double check your punctuation...
    He rode into the thicket deep in thought
    for example needs a comma after thicket.
    He still bore the guilt of how he shot his own true love with an arrow after misaiming at a boar
    needs a comma after arrow.
    easy way to remember if you take a breath, chances are it needs punctuation of some kind.

    The story is a good start. I'm not sure why no dialogue took place when they were just standing there, or when he fell into her. Also what was the thing he realized that seemed to peeve (nice way to put it) him off? More detail is needed there.
    You've got promise with this story. Your detailing is extremely well done without being too much, you pull the reader in. A few spots could be expanded but otherwise it's a solid read. Good work. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.

    • Token Massacre silver member
      September 11, 2007
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      I'm afraid you're going to have to add another 400 words or I'll have no other choice but to DQ you. Min count is 1000


  • plurangel silver member
    September 6, 2007
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    goodluck in my contest


  • Asfand
    September 6, 2007
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    Interesting ~ I liked this, it was unique and wonderful. Nice job!


  • Frozen Angel
    September 2, 2007
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    Wow, commenting a third time...I'm not sure what I can say now...uh, thanks for entering my contest?

    *Frozen Angel*


  • angel.of.mine
    August 31, 2007
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    gud read, i liked the description thanks for entering and gud luk in the contest.

  • Frozen Angel
    August 28, 2007
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    Well, I've commented on this before, but I'll be glad to do it again. I still like this, I think it related to the pictures fairly well. (It didn't relate to what picture 10 actally resembled, but that picture was from a movie/musical inspired by a true story, but I wouldn't expect you to know anything about that.) Thanks for entering my contest(s)!

    *Frozen Angel*


  • Ziee..
    August 27, 2007

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    =] I loved it.. the description was good aswell though at times i was very confused about who was who.. but i got it..

    Good luck


  • beezy92
    August 26, 2007
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    a few kinks

    you said "Annd there they stood" when they were galloping. its husband-to-be not to-be husband, and you had a few mispellings. i'd reread it and correct it.

    otherwise..very dramatic, a little unrealistic, but thats what we like in a story (=

    best of luck in the contest

  • Frozen Angel
    August 23, 2007

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    First and foremost, what option is this for. (I believe it's forbidden love, but I want to make sure. I liked the plot and how the man and woman met, and I love the description. Thanks for entering my contest.

    *Frozen Angel*


  • six of diamonds
    August 18, 2007

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    when you hyphenate there is no extra space
    blonde- haired (blonde-haired)

    (the first man) swept his wavy black hair away from his eyes and noticed for the (first time) the woman’s white dress and protruding petticoats. All expression was wiped from his face but inside a raging war of shock and anger was being fought. He (realized) what this meant and mounted his horse. With a fleeting last glance at the woman and her (to- be husband)

    husband-to-be

    It got confusing which man was which with all the first man and blonde versus black hair...other than that this was very good!

    I liked the dance of the horses and the way their eyes locked as they circled

  • midnightcrow
    August 18, 2007
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    i belive you should but it in for english i quite like it

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