Siren and Angel ran through town toward the center pushing past people in their haste. Drab colors flew by them in disarray. Just as Siren was running out of breath she spotted a tall figure clad in a cinnamon colored cloak and dark green pants. She pushed her way towards him. Out of breath she called, “Uncle, uncle.”
The figure turned to her searching the crowd for the voice. She bounded up in front of him. “Uncle.” She whispered and threw her arms around him.
A deep voice came from behind her. “Forthroan is your uncle?”
Siren’s face turned crimson as she drew her arms from around Forthroan Teals’ neck. “Yes, Captain Ravenlocke, this is my uncle. My adopted uncle.”
Ravenlocke decided to withhold the question of adoption until another time.
Forthroan took her by the arms, “Dear Siren what are you doing here? And how did you know where to find me? I heard about the Trolls. Did they harm you?” He looked her over, turning her this way and that.
“I’m fine. Oh uncle you must take me with you.” She started. “It doesn’t matter how I found you. You must listen to me. I know of the mission you about to embark on and you will need me.”
Angel curled around Crispin’s ankles while she talked. He bent over and picked her up. “Why you devilish cat,” he whispered in her ear. “You had something to do with this didn’t you?”
Angel just looked at him and purred.
“What are you talking about dear? You can’t possibly know what were doing?” Forthroan looked anxiously at her.
“Oh but she can.” Crispin interrupted. Siren turned to look at him. “It seems we have a spy in our mists.” He laughed as he stroked Angel.
Forthroan put Siren aside and walked towards Ravenlocke. “What nonsense are you talking about?” He demanded.
“It seems this little cat has whispered in her ear.”
“A talking cat?” Forthroan said disbelieving. “Foolishness. That cat has been hanging around Siren since she was little and it’s never talked before.”
“Uncle, what the Captain has said is true. Angel does speak to me. And she was at the meeting last night. I must go with you. I will be an assest to you.”
“No.”
“But Uncle Forthroan you must.”
He turned from her. “I can not let you go. It is too dangerous.”
“If you do not let me come with you willingly than I will follow you.”
She stood stubbornly in front of him. Her hands were clenched and perched upon her hips as she waited silently. Her chin jutted out and her stance showing no sign of backing down. Her eyes were as hard as the violet stones you would find in the Cloud’s Veil. Silence hung in the air between the two relatives while passersby went about their business. The smell of sweat and horses drifted in the air along with the sweet aroma of freshly baked bread, as the sun continued to beat down.
“Siren,” Crispin took her arm making her look at him. “I don’t want you to go. You must stay here where it is safe.”
“And how safe will it be if you fail?” She asked sadly. “And what of the Trolls?’
He looked at her dejected. “What is it that you think you can help us with?”
“Truly you jest?” She laughed at him. “I can enchant. Or have you forgotten? I can also climb. I was taught by the best.”
Fothroan laughed and nodded his head. “She’s right you know. She is one of the best climbers in Old Oak and she doesn’t even have the fingers for it.” He took her hands and held them up to show Crispin. “I’m going to regret this but you’ll be safer with us then following. Be at the Stronghold before sunset. And wear pants.” Forthroan said looking at her cream-colored gown. “I guess you’ll be bringing that sneaky cat with you?” He indicated Angel.
Siren only nodded her head. “Thank you uncle.” She kissed his cheek and walked away.
When she was some steps away he muttered to no one in particular, “She’s going to be the death of me someday.”
“She just may be.” Crispin walked up and stood beside him.
Forthroan Teals nodded then turned back to gathering supplies.
Crispin Ravenlocke caught up to Siren moments later. “You’ve forgotten someone.”
His voice tickled her ear. “Oh Angel. I’m sorry.” She took the cat from his arms. Absently she began stroking her fur.
“I would have found my way back. I think this is a ploy to talk to you.”
“Don’t be rude Angel.” Siren said pushing her way through the crowd pleased nonetheless.
“What was that?”
“Ravenlocke, I’m sorry. I forgot you can’t hear her. She said that she could have found her way home herself, but that she thanks you for your kindness.”
“I said no such thing!”
Siren ignored her and kept smiling.
“That was a bit of trickery you played on your uncle. Did you enchant him?” Crispin said keeping pace with her. Today he was wearing green pants and a brown tunic without a cloak. His short sword and a dagger hung from his belt.
She stopped to turn towards him. Someone bumped into her from behind. She smiled sweetly at the young woman as she passed by. “No trickery was needed. Uncle knows I would do as I say.” She continued to walk as he followed. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I must see to getting ready for tonight.”
She started to walk away but Crispin grabbed her arm. “I don’t want you to go tonight. Stay behind please.” He pleaded. “I’ll find you protection. The Leader would like you to sing for him, you could stay at the Stronghold until I return.”
She looked at his worried face, bit her lip and caressed his smooth cheek. “Angel says I must go. You will need me.” She dropped her hand and walked away.
This time he let her go feeling helpless to stop her. He returned to Forthroan to finish the preparations.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
This was a great read. A very interesting story. Loved the characters and the descriptions!


-
-
Thanks for the applause and for taking the time to read this.

Brooke
-
-
Love the storyline and moreover, the names are terrific.
Will have to say this chapter seemed to move very fast, revealing a lot. Also Siren seems to have changed a bit, not being as forceful as usual.
"You can't possibly know what were (we're)"
"I know of the mission you (are) about"
Still it is a great mixture to make a fantasy world.
Jim
-
-
You are the second person to say that. Ok I need to know how to change her back. I can't see it.

Thanks again for reading.
Brooke
-
-
Ravenlocke decided to withhold the question of adoption until another time.---Here you've switched POV from Siren to Ravenlocke. That's a bit confusing for the reader. Try to stay consistent with which character's thought the reader sees.
I know of the mission you about to embark on and you will need me.” ---I know of the mission "you're" or "you are"
You can’t possibly know what were doing?” ---we're instead of were
I felt this chapter moved very quickly, maybe too quickly.
It seemed like in the beginning chapters, Siren was strong and full of mystery. In this chapter she seems weak begging to go on the mission with her uncle. In fact, she seems more like a child. Her character traits seem to have shifted.
Also, the idea of Ravenlocke revealing Angel's secret seemed too soon. I would think you would want to keep this between Siren and Angel a bit longer before "letting that cat out of the bag." Ok, that was a bad pun....
I still like where this is going, but I'd like to see a bit more development here. I understand you wrote this a few years ago. I think this has potential and would like to see you continue with this. Revise revise revise. Nice work, as usual!

-
-
Really??? Hmmm...Ok what do you think should be changed so that her character doesn't seem so childish? Thanks for pointing all those mistakes out. I've fixed them on paper but out in here yet. Will hopefully get to them soon.

Brooke -
-
Perhaps childish is not the word I'm searching for. I just re-read this chapter and I think I'm off in my assessment. I got the feeling when reading this that Siren didn't feel as strong as she felt in the first few chapters. Perhaps THAT'S what I'm trying to say. The pleading that she does with her uncle threw me off...now after looking at it again, I'm not sure I feel the same way.
I think I just want to see more development of this character. I know the reader is smitten by her in the first chapter and I want that feeling to continue...perhaps that's what I'm angling for....Good grief, pretty bad when I can't even explain what I'm trying to say!!!!
-
-
-
Haven't ever commented on this story, but all the same...
Angel = love.
I liked the way the story was written, it has a lovely, simple but artistic style to it. The punctuation, however, could use a little revisiting - just some more commas, I think, would be useful. Maybe a little more description sometimes as well - the plot moves quickly and I feel a little rushed when reading. Otherwise, this series is great and had definitely caught my attention!
-
-
Uck!! I hate comma's
Thank you for pointing those out, they are the worse for me.
Thanks again
Brooke
-
-
Wow. I love how we finally get to see Angel talk. Wonderful. And still, the plot thickens.
Great job. There were maybe two errors I found, but it was a tense thing and it could work as is, though it makes that particular section read awkwardly.
Great job, Brooke! I really love this series. -
-
Thank you. I did write a prologue, so maybe that will help with the first part. I'll post it next.

Brooke
-
1 - 11 of 11







