Without Your Love

Like a flash of lightning,
without the rain.
Like a stained glass window,
with a broken pane.1

Like a fierce lion,
without his roar.
Like a beautiful mansion,
without a door.2

Like a nightingale,
without her voice.
Like a heavenly angel,
who cannot rejoice.3

Like a child on christmas,
without a smile.
Like a thief in the night,
without any guile.4

Like a glorious eagle,
without his wings.
Like a loyal kingdom,
who's lost their King.5

Of all these things
i've written above,
I am far worse
without your love.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think.

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Comments

1 - 39 of 39

  • rinzu
    1 day ago
    Edit | Reply
    entered in my last contest...so have to delete u


  • seasonsoflove
    September 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is sooo beautiful!!!
    I truly hope you gave this to someone. I know if someone wrote this for me, it'd make my day!!
    keep up the great work!! Seriously! This was amazing!


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    This is a fantastic poem. Your rhyming was wonderful, you lines flowed perfectly, and your metaphor was fantastic. I like your last stanza, very well done. Keep writing poetry, I'd like to read more.

    Anomaly


  • slyly annonymous
    August 20
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing, it's sweet and meaningful. It's really wonderful, I love it.
    Great job =]


  • rinzu
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    amazing.....thats all i can say... lovely usage of metaphors...

    good luck




  • mememe6
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    Awwwww!! This is so sweet, but so brutal…I love it!! Thank you for entering, I hope you do well!


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    August 4
    Edit | Reply
    Good job, this was cool.


  • andhearts. ox
    July 19
    Edit | Reply
    Good work! I liked it.


  • Le Masquerade silver member
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    Awww, so sweet! I read this like it was a love letter to someone and it flowed very nicely! Great job and thanx for entering my contest


  • Duke1985
    May 22
    Edit | Reply

    very good work.

    I like this, you did a great job capturing the sadness you were trying to convey.


  • Rorshach gold member
    May 19
    Edit | Reply

    Arrr, poor you.

    Very fitting as we all get a bit poetic when we are dumped. Nice and gushy

    • ZackTruel
      May 20

      Edit | Reply
      Well a little more tragic than a break-up, but thanks for the comment anyways.


  • Dawn Bon
    November 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    [imagine me weeping although i have the worst ear ach you could imagain]

    awwww! this is so cute. Good luck in my contest!

  • Myeisha
    November 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this Zack, good job.

    You'll definatly be seing your poem in the finalist list.

    Keep on Writing!!

    • ZackTruel
      November 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you very much! I am glad that you liked it!


  • Midnight-Engaged
    October 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, if any guy wrote this to me, he'd have my heart immediately! Wonderful, the rhyme is wonderful, the background is pretty, and i really liked it
    !


  • hllykat
    October 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am not a huge poetry fan, but I REALLY like this! I could literally feel the heartbreak. The analogies you use to portray the feeling of emptiness and longing are amazing. You really get your point across very easily. I "felt" this poem when I read it. Beautiful work!

    • ZackTruel
      October 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you so much for the kind compliments. I am very glad that you liked it!


  • NotTheDroids
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Aaaaahhhhhhh! That's lovely - really romantic, with a superb flow, easily digested and leaves you eith a warm, fuzzy feeling!

  • karmacae
    October 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, great flow, rolls right off the tongue. I love this piece. Great job and congrats to your winnings. I loved the rhyme. for I am a rhymer my self.

    • ZackTruel
      October 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you so much! I am glad you liked it. Thank you for the very nice compliment. I love poetry that rhymes, and sometimes that is hard to find now-a-days. Seems like everyone is adopting the free verse. I will check out what you have written since you said you like to rhyme as well.


  • Asfand
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Succulent Love ~

    I have commented on this work before, but no problem ~

    How sweet! This was really wonderful, soft, touching and wonderous. It was different then the usual reads like "I am dying without you; I am the rose wilting; inside heaven ... etc."

    Liked this, the format is right ~

    Good luck and thanks for entering ~

    Title ~ 7/10
    Depth ~ 8/10
    Imagery ~ 13/15
    Format ~ 8.7/10
    Feeling ~ 8.6/10
    Theme ~ 16.7/20
    Flow ~ 13/15
    Understanding ~ 10/10

    Total ~*~ 85/100

    • ZackTruel
      September 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the compliments! I am glad you liked it, and I appreciate you taking the time to give an in-depth response.

  • incondite
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really nice poem. Thanks heaps for entering my contest and good luck.


  • RedHearts
    September 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is really good. Loved it. THe ending really makes it more perfect. I liked the comparisons, they are really good. Good job!Good luck in the contest.

    • ZackTruel
      September 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks alot for the compliment! I am glad you liked it.

  • Asfand
    September 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A very unique and beautiful write. I liked this alot, the ending is so sweet and succulent! It gives a beautiful touch ~


  • NewGuy90
    September 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is excellent! I'm simply lost with words! This portrayed love beautifully. I could not have described it better. I liked how you divided the stanzas with two couplets and the comparisons. It evokes stunning imagery.

    Congratulations on the trophy and thanks for the great read!
    ♥NewGuy90

    • ZackTruel
      September 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the wonderful compliment! I am glad you liked it. It is probably my favorite out of all the ones I have written.

  • Baba Jojo
    August 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    how sincere...very affectionate! wonderful write!

    a little difficult format, not my favorite type, but its good ...

  • ZackTruel
    August 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you both for the kind comments. : )


  • Frozen Angel
    August 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Those are a great uses of imagery and great comparisions! Keep up the great work!

    *Frozen Angel*


  • plurangel silver member
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    awwww! yes your poem is the first one to make me go awwwww! congrats on being the first. I loved all the smilies you used. excellent use of imagery. my favorite smilie you used was the heavenly angel one. goodluck in my contest


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww so sweet. I wish my husband could write something like that But alas he can not.
    Great write. Welcome to storywrite. Hope to see you around.
    ~*Brooke*~
    co-head greeter

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