The woman just stood there looking at Sharon, as she stopped dead in her tracks.1
“What are you doing here?” Sharon asked.2
“I have come to help you.”3
“Help me? What do you mean help me?”4
“You know what I mean, or you’ll soon know what I mean.”5
“Why don’t you just leave me alone, I have no clue on what you mean, so just go and leave me and my family alone.”6
“But child, I can’t do that, the sooner you realise it the better, these visions are just going to get worse until you have dealt with them.”7
“How do you know I have visions?”8
“I know, I know a lot about you Sharon, more than you’ll ever think I’d know. You can’t hide anything from me.”9
“Is that some sort of a threat or something?”10
“No, not a threat, just a statement.”11
Sharon stood gazing into the lady’s eyes, mesmerised by them, she noticed they were the same colour as hers, who was this woman, where had she come from and why is she bothering me? Sharon thought.12
The lady moved out of Sharon’s way, “You’re going to need me Sharon, I have no doubt of that. And I’ll be waiting.” Sharon ran past her not saying a word. 13
“I’ll be here when you need me, waiting, watching.” She shouted, Sharon didn’t look back.14
Once in the apartment, Sharon dead bolted the door. She could barely put it on as she was shaking so much. “Gary, Jamie, you guys in?” No response. They must be making a day of it and not come home yet. She looked at the clock, 2:00 15
”C’mon guys, where are you.” She turned on the TV and lay down. As soon as she lay there, she fell asleep.16
...As dreams take over all our thoughts,17
Each moment of past and present they have brought.18
Escaping reality to find the truth,19
Facing fear terrifyingly uncouth...20
Sharon found herself on the beach standing next to a woman; she stared at her so agile and so scared. She was muttering something that she could barely make out. “Times are changing, I can’t relive the past, Send forth now the evenings over cast.” Suddenly the whole sky went dark21
Sharon watched the woman say these lines over and over, until not even the stars could be seen in the sky. The beach looked familiar, but she couldn’t bring herself to remember where she had seen it before. As Sharon watched the woman in this stance, she felt the air becoming colder; she could see her breath escaping her. She looked out over the ocean to see what the woman was looking at, but had seen nothing. As the sea became choppier, Sharon became a little frightened. She had no clue what was happening, but for some reason knew she was part of it. “Protect the one I cherish most, from spirits, malevolent beings and ghosts. Keep her from harm and do not bestow, let the waters run forth pray she shall never know.”22
What’s with all the verses? Sharon though to herself. And why is she standing out here while it is so dark? Sharon could feel the chill in her bones now, but something ran colder and deeper through her. 23
“Hello, are you okay?” Sharon whispered barely audible. The woman turned quick. “Who are you, where have you come from?” The woman had a stunned and a fearsome look in her eyes.24
“It’s okay, I’m Sharon, and I’m not going to hurt you.” Sharon held out her hand.25
“The fear in the woman’s eyes turned more intense. “Sharon, my Sharon?”26
“What do you mean, my Sharon? Do I know you?”27
“Oh no, it has began, oh no.” The woman began to pace.28
“What’s began, who are you?”29
“It’s a long story, not here, I’ll be in touch.” Just then Sharon awoke out of her dream. She sat up, and noticed she had a piece of paper in her hand.30
...The time has come the hour awaits,31
No time to run, no time to contemplate.32
The changes have started and there’s nowhere to run,33
Face the demon, as now it has begun...34
Sharon hadn’t written anything since she had lost her mother, “How the hell did I do this?” Sharon asked herself. “This isn’t even my hand writing, what’s going on.” Suddenly a loud knock at the door. Sharon jumped.35
“Hold on a minute, I’m coming.” Sharon said in a groggy voice.36
“Sharon, that you? What you doing home so early?” A males voice came from the other side of the door. It was Gary. Sharon quickly UN locked the door and Jamie ran to her, “Mommy, guess what we did today?”37
“Hey baby, did you have a nice time?”38
“Uh huh, me and daddy went to the park, and this lady gave me this pretty necklace for you.” Gary and Sharon looked at the amulet. 39
“What lady gave you this Jamie?” Gary asked.40
“The one that was talking to you on the bench, while I was on the slide.” 41
“I never saw her talking to you.”42
“Yep, I know. You was reading your paper.” Gary looked at Sharon, “that was weird. Some woman came up to me today, and started on about visions.”43
“Visions?” Sharon said clearing her throat.44
“Yeah something like that, some kind of whacko if you ask me. How come your home so soon today?”45
“Didn’t feel to good, Dave said for me to go early.”46
“That was nice of him, so what’s for dinner? I’m starving.” Gary said as he walked away to hang his coat up. He never saw the look of fear in Sharon’s eyes.47
Author notes
this is sooooooooo hard HELP ME!!!!!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I believe the first ll lines can be removed or condensed. The bold-face asides are extremely effective. A bit longer intro into and out of the dream sequence might be of benefit. I would not worry about the "interest" factor for the reader... this story has lots of that.
language: 4, plot: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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ouch
nioce background chick airm my brain hurts lol -
nioce background chick airm my brain hurts lol
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i'm thinking the woman is sharon now, from the future
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excellent
You are doing such good work. I am eager to get back to it. The flow is good, tempo good, and I will talk to you later. -
this is great keep writing u have alot of talent
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You are doing great! I am getting tired though... gonna have to read the rest tomorrow! It is amazing though... So Anne, is she Sharon's mother? Can't wait to find out.
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...As dreams take over all our thoughts,
Each moment of past and present they have brought.
Escaping reality to find the truth,
Facing fear terrifyingly uncouth...
Totally Speechless...!
ASTOUNDED! MESMERISED!
"WHYZIE" -
Nat...this is brilliant....
You have kept me glued to my seat her the whole time.reading one piece after the other.
no come on..you can't stop here...i need to know what happens.
The storyline is brilliant.....
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT???
I'm waiting.....lol
Really great stuff..
Ann -
have you taken on any of the characters yet?
I understand this happen when you write a story so intense.
You are doing marvelous darlin, pen on!
and the haunting visions continue our wait.... -
I think you are doing just fine dear one!! Hey in the sentance.
"“Sharon, that you? What you doing home so early?” A males voice came from the other side of the door."
'males' should be 'male' it is singular because it is just one man. Other than that you're doing well in this one as well.
Red -
I love stories and this was an exceptionally interesting and suspenseful read. Looking forward to reading more. Freeways Mom
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What do you need help with Nat??? You are doing a beyond excellent job on this one...the verses you included in this made this story even more haunting and I loved the part when she asked herself 'What's with all the verses' which any normal person would ask themselves
This was the best one yet I think...now I am really hooked here
Ready for part 9
~~Dawn
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Ok, Nat, the suspense is killing me This may be hard,but you are doing such an excellent job
Can't wait for #9
Karen
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Natalia I can only echo Rubbee's comments - let it flow at it's own pace. I thought I had worked out who this strange woman was but I haven't, your chapter today has thrown out one idea. Keeping me interested aren't you?
~Von~
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you're doing great!!! I'm sure the story will start writing itself, if it hasn't already done so. It's taking some great twist and turns, keeping the reader glued to every word. I can't even predict the outcome of this, and that shows fantastic writing skills, to keep the reader guessing... enjoying this story a lot and can't wait for the next installment!!! If you're having a bit of trouble, don't rush the writing..maybe let it sit a while and the rest will begin to flow once again
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