~1
Each night, I breathe into passion's flame,
a fatal whisper sends the fire off,
as the candle dies, 2
our ardor grows in strength,3
a bitter-sweet revelation,
provokes our magical thought
into sketching ecstacy,4
across forlorn landscapes,5
mistral breaths, sweep across my face
and I remember your gentle touch,6
as feathered skin, turning
I feel you caress me,
toying with the cherry lip7
I am bereft of your soul,
desiring to see the reflection8
I cast shadows upon those days,
as your essence left this Gaen heaven,
you carried me in your arms,9
and with you I saw paradise,10
my discarnate soul, elated and whole,
leaving my body,11
an echoless shell
devoid of mortal emotion,
bereft of feeling,
such emptiness in a lover's absence12
I have seen those paintings,
those moments of love shared,13
I have captured each elapsed time,
in a prison of pearls14
to treasure the past in tears,15
life is not a tale of wonders,
ponder not on wisdom shed,16
for the salvation of love,
lies in its eternal destruction17
there shall be love, yes,
but it forbodes the coming pain
of isolation's beauty18
it forwarns the coming partings,
for goodbyes must be uttered19
it is a never ending reverence,20
love has no title,
nor is man to master this art21
it is a vision,
stained in memoirs22
do not learn from other's,
yet feel the experience anew23
revive the passion felt,
evoke the fires once more24
Oh, why does the kiss,
not last forever?25
~26
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Author notes
One of the most emotional plus abstract works I have done. I hope this turned out good. This is to cover the main aspects of love and it's renewed experience for everyone. Enjoy!
I LOVE TIGERS
For Contest: She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
A contest entry
- Aren't You A Little Curious? by LadyLionnir.
1000 points, ended August 16, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Expressive Poetry by Keirii.
350 points, ended June 18, 34 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Poems - Join! by Unice the geek.
100 points, ended August 18, 50 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything Goes! by Lady Mannequin.
130 points, ended July 5, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - aspiring young poets and short storiest...love by Fancifulgoddess.
170 points, ended July 13, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - poems by Para Turkey.
110 points, ended July 16, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 84 of 84
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Best poetry I've read on SW so far
Loved it!!
Don't really write poetry myself. I feel like I've got lots to learn here
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Wow this was beautiful, I loved the line,"A prison of pearls."
That is so cool!! I really enjoyed this, thank you for entering, and good luck!! -
"for the salvation of love,
lies in its eternal destruction"
Very powerful writing,another great piece!
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Amazing. Good luck
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This is a great poem =D
I like the way certain words add a special feeling to this one, words that are too seldomly used, yet fit this one very well =) It's overall very well written, and I like it a lot =D
It's both emotional and a bit abstract, as you said, but it comes together rather well =)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Thanks a bunch Drac! I really appreciate the feedback!
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that really really good good luck
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Thank you BT! I appreciate the feeback and am really glad you liked it!
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Very good! I could feel the emotion in this and it had great description! Thanx for entering my contest and good luck
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Im agreeing with Silent raven. GOODLUCK ..BEST WISHES
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i could feel the emotion pulsating from this.... i wish i could write romance like you do!
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I love it!!! that was beautiful. romance is good ..love always wins..
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I love how you wrote this, the word-choices you made in particular. My definite favorites that caught my eye were "toying with the cherry lip", "sketching ecstasy" and "echoless shell".. it was just very interesting and well, abstract to read I guess. Great job.
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Nice work. I didn't feel a particular rhythm to the poem, with is ok, but sometimes it felt like your phrasing was off. I did enjoy reading it though, very original. Thank you for entering!
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No problem
It was well written -
Well done.
Second place aint so bad
Well done again x
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Brilliant! I loved this
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Sweet
SHVENT!!!
p.s Shvent is my word for sweet haha
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Wow, I am speechless. This is simply amazing! You are so talented with writing and your description on love is absolutely perfect. I understood this completely and each line was just another perfect way to describe love. This poem simply couldn't have been better. There is really no better way to explain love and everything that goes along with it. I love it so much. I can really see this being published; I think everyone would want to buy it including me. There's no better way to describe this poem other then merely ... perfect. You need to get your poetry out into the world, there's no way that anyway could turn it down. Some say that love is indescribably, but you just described it precisely. Amazing job
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nice...
I love the way you construct words, it sens out a vivid , stylized message. I feel the emotion throughout, intensity of the feeling.
Great job and good luck!
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I loved the font and background!
I loved how the poem was worded and laid out. It touched me...so deeply. It was so beautiful adn it webbed itself together like the strongest spider's web.
Great job and good luck in the contest!
-Lydia May (Angel) -
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Thank you so much Lydia!
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Your welcome! It's a beautiful poem! It deserves only the best comments that it can recieve.
-Angel (Lydia May)
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Soft words! your poem touched my delicate and emotional heart. Every line has so many beautiful words knitted togather with fine emotions which making this poem master piece. Wonderful work ..
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Thanks a lot Lavanya!
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Why does this kiss not last forever?
I'm curious to that too...hahaha.
Wonderfully done!!! You did everything I asked you to do.
an echoless shell
devoid of mortal emotion,
bereft of feeling,
such emptiness in a lover's absence13
I have seen those paintings,
those moments of love shared,14
I have captured each elapsed time,
in a prison of pearls15
to treasure the past in tears,16
life is not a tale of wonders,
ponder not on wisdom shed,17
for the salvation of love,
lies in its eternal destruction18
I know it's a huge part, but these lines are my favorite! Especially the last one.
"For the salvation of love lies in its eternal destruction".
To save love you must die to it right? That's so beautiful!
And the prison of pearls Oh, man, all of it's beautiful!
I find this truly amazing, and I'm so glad someone finally did an abstract. That's my favorite type of poem.
You did it! Congrats, you're a finalist!!
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Thank you so much!!
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Good work. Your page is a bit dark but,otherwise a nice page also.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank a lot beach-bum!!
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Hmmmm, criticism? I have to say I loved this piece and have nothing to say about it that I didn't like. Through and through you used amazing descriptions. It is a piece that makes the reader at times stop and think, and then to have an "aha moment" and understand the meaning of the writing, thus afterwards greatly appreciating the piece. Great effort. It definitely shows the superb writing skills you have!
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Thanks for the lovely comment!
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wow, this is REALLY good!it was very emotional and deep. i loved reading it, and i think it expressed some things we all have felt at one point or another. nice write!i can see why this won a gold trophy!
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Thank you sho much!
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Again. You're Amazing.
I hate you.
No, not really of course.
But you knew that.
Okay, before I sound like the fangirl I am:
"I hope this turned out good."
I was reading that quick, the poem had made me want to comment so bad, so anyway I read it really quick and thought it said "I hope this turned you on."
YEAH!
I was like....WHAT?
And I read it again
Now. I think this is one of your best yet. Im a little late commenting on it, but better late then never, right?
It still gets me how incredible your poetry is. And your stories, too. They always seem very poetic, as well.
This, of course, and as usual, left me speachless. I think this is one of the best poems about the feeling of love that I've ever read.
Definitely.
This is just....spectacular.
Beautiful, as always.
It sort of gave me that fuzzy feeling!
Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
((That's a joke, get it? Huh? Comment on Your Fatal Kiss?)) Okay, dull joke, I know.
AMAZING.
xoxo
-♥-
Tay, your faithful fangirl
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I love the wording of this! So great so great! It's so emotional and absolutely beautiful! Great job and keep writing on! Great work!
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yay!
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This Swept Me..
This poem swept me clean off my feet! I love your sentence structure. I love the words you chose and the background makes it all the more passionate. Very well done. I wouldn't change a thing!
One little thing- Would you mind terribly putting your username and the option this falls under in your author's notes? Thanks so much!
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Username: Asfand
Option: 5 -- Writing about any poem.
Sorry I had not included this in the author's box. I won a free silver membership for a week and changed this and all, so if I edit now, the background plus the italics will vanish.
Aww really!! Thanks so much dear!
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*Sniffles* Wow, theres so much emotion in this piece.
This turned out better than good!
beginning: 5.
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Oh thnx alot!
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wow. *speachless mouth gapes open..*
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Thank you!
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wow.
this was really great. and awesome use of vocabulary.
good job! -
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Wow, Asfand. This is the best work I've read of yours. I can relate to it well. There is so much imagery in it. Just wow. I'm glad I came across this.
x Julez -
awww this is amazing! It's so powerful and sweet. I too must say it has a lot of vivid words and emotions. Great job!
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Wow, well I can definetly say that the poem was very deep! It was also written well, and you used very vivid words to express your thoughts. Great job on the poem, and good luck on the contest!
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Thanks!
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hehehhehe!! ur so deep!! its a shame u still dun hab a girl-friend!!
u'd be the best boy-friend ever!!
*makes kissy face*
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A wonderful write. The flow is smooth and takes the reader along for a waltz inside your words. You are right that kisses should be longer and romance is in danger, but there is hope as long as there are poets. Very nice work .
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It's difficult to critique poetry because it comes from the writer's heart. With stories, you try to appease the readers but with poetry it's hard to target a particular audience.
I got your message about love and I agree that kisses should last longer and Romance may be a dying art. -
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critiquing poetry is indeed - cruel if one may call it. poetry is free art, craftable, flowable, indeed it can be formed into a million facets, which is why I always try not to criticise someone's poem
except, advising them on format, wording, use of petic devices.
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Spectacular
There's nothing more I can say. It was Amazing! Keep writing. -
freaking cool...O.O it made my heart pound.
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Wow! That was so beautiful. you have wonderful word choice and you blend everything so perfectly together! Great job! I lobve it!
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This is soo good! I love your work! And your word choicing. I wish I could write as well as you. You are really, really talented.
This is awesome! Made me sigh at the end!
-e♥
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Aww,thanks so much!!
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Wonderfully lovely, Asfand! I think you meant "wisdom" instead of "wisdon" though. The only part that rang strange to me was "cherry lip." It might not be wrong at all, but it just stuck out and poked me in the poetical eye. Great work!
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Oh!! good, thanks for the heads up on the typo! And for your thoughtful and beautiful comment!
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uwa...You're REALLY good!!! O.O; ..........
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and I remember you <--your gentle touch,
I think a different formatting style for emphasis would better impact and evoke the feelings and thoughts you are conveying. The format now as it is, (sentence breaks) is not justifying it as it could be. But, good draft. -
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the problem is, the msot important part of metaphor is to keep up the flow, any different format breaks up the flow ...
thanks for commenting!
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amazing. every line was more well put together then most stories on this site. yes mine too. and im not ashamaed to say this because this was perfect. gj.
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wow!! that means alot to me Tyler!
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sorry. I forgot to rate.
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The kiss is so important to women. It seems to tell them everything. This reminds me
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Wow...this was terrific! I really liked this it was absolute beauty. No...that word doesn't even do it justice. Wow this was good.
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This brought tears to my eyes. Not merely because of the beauty of your words, but the truth in it. Love is an emotion that can cause much happiness, and much pain, as you have shown in this poem.
This is probably your best poem yet. Truly, you have rendered ME speechless, but my heart speaks for me. A MASTERPIECE!
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wow! best comment! lolz, thanks Naila!
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I LOVE THIS!
I especially like the vocabulary, you have exellent word choice and I like the structure. Thanks for entering my contest!
*Frozen Angel* -
Simply...very nice .
Very nice...some lovely images and metaphors. (I especially thought "echoless shell" was about as void and empty as you can get!) You use "bereft" a couple of times...I think you can find another word for one of them...I felt also you might have used a couple of capital letters starting some of the stanzas and lines. A couple of the apostrophes are misused...(only shows possession or missing letters..."goodbyes"..."others" )"wisdoM" had a typo...as did "your" up top.And..."The kiss does not last forever...because goodbyes MUST be uttered as the Salvation of love lies in its eternal destruction!"
Very nice...sadly true!
GA
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Very beautiful, your words practicaly radiated off of the page, keep it up, I really like your writing style.
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Such depthful words, wondrous paintings of images and emotions. This was beautiful, and, as you said, abstract. Amazing job.
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wow...... I'm speechless
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This is the most beautiful piece of writing I have ever read. It was confusing to me at first and then I saw everything. Love is this amazing gift that no man can describe or capture within imagination. Only one who feels it will understand. An incredible emotion shared between two people. My favorite part was:
"there shall be love, yes,
but it forbodes the coming pain
of isolation's beauty"
I love it! I'm going to add you to the finalists list. Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering!!! -
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huh!! OMG!! that means to me a hell lot!! Thanks for ur comment, really! and I so have to admit, love is one thing you can not capture in ur imagination. To know it, feel it!
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good
I am no expert when it comes to poetry, I think you have worked hard on this and it shows. You wrote this very well, great words, from start to finish.
sarah
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Every single line held so much...
I'm speechlessly...speechless.
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awww! thnx so much Yume! Love ya!
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Thanks for what? I barely said anything
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ah, but in saying nothing, you formed the beauty of your comment! Go figure girl!
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Boo yah!!
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