Will sneaked out of the living room, leaving his sister to concur the suffering of her grandmother's never-ending, unbearable gossip and stories. His parents were giggling in the kitchen, preparing dinner. As quietly as he could, he tiptoed into the basemet which was, in his opinion, most amuzing. In Will's heart, the big, old house always triggered a strange temptation to wander around it as though looking for a mystery.
They visited his grandmother every year and now it was Will's 18th year at the house. When Will was younger he used to enjoy his grandmother's stories... but as he grew older so did she and her stories. He loved her but couldn't bear reminding her 'where she stopped' every minute or so. His interest in history, accompanied with the love for adventure and danger, kept him wandering around the house observing and examining every inch of the, now ancient, cottage. One would get bored from meandering along the not-so-interesting house but Will found it most amuzing and enjoyable.
For a week, he was examining the wide, labyrinth-like basement and that evening he was determined to finish off with it and head to the attic. A couple of hours later, disappointed but still high in spirits, Will was heading to the stairs assuring himself that it is a much more interesting thing to do than listening to his grandmother. He stopped. Something was wrong in the brick wall. At the begining, Will couldn't put his finger on it but soon, after a short while of focused staring at the bare wall, he realised that one of the bricks was standing out by a matter of some millimeters. He walked closer and slowly examined the brick. Then he carefully tried pulling it out of the wall... and then vigorously but the brick didn't budge. He found a knitting needle in one of the numerous boxes and started poking the thin gap between the bricks. A minute later, he successfully pulled the brick out. There was a piece of mirror. After observing it for several seconds and wondering why would someone hide a broken piece of glass in a wall, Will put it in his pocket and headed out.
"Grandma, I found this in the basement," Will told his grandmother once in the living room, holding out the broken piece of mirror.
After a couple of silent seconds, the old woman spoke in a squeaky but pleasant voice. "Mirror?" she asked but didn't wait for Will's answer, "Oh, my child! I have the most interesting story about a mirror. My grandfather, may he lie in peace between the angels of heaven, told me the most amazing story about a mirror..." But Will was not listening. Of course he was intrigued by the reason his 'arheological find' was so well hidden but the question that dominated his mind was, "Where was the rest of the mirror?"
When it was dark and the house settled in silence and peace, Will sat up in his bed and took the piece of mirror from the chest of drawers. There was something that fascinated him about the mysterious item. He kept gazing at the boy with narrow, brown eyes and dark, spiky hair looking back at him. Suddenly, Will's surroundings started moving. Then all the images started melting and, in a matter of a second, he was sitting up on cold, damp ground. In fear and shock, Will jumped up and looked around. It was a cemetary. In panic, Will started running into an unknown to him direction. It was dark and Will couldn't clearly see the ground so he stumbled over a rock and fell, his head hitting the ground and knocking him out of his consciousness.
Someone was standing over him. When Will tried to focus on the person standing in front of him, he gasped and started crawling backwards, pushing the ground with his feet as fast as he could. The girl that stood in front of him was incredibly pale... deadly pale. First the girl looked as though she was verbally assulted but then started laughing hesterically. At that moment, Will felt that his fear was impertinent and stopped his pathetic attempt to escape.
"What are you?" he asked slowly.
The girl stopped laughing at once and the smile was wiped away from her face. She spoke in a kind yet truley offended voice, "What am I? WHAT am I?!" Although the girl was much younger than Will and looked almost harmless, he did not dare to move and simply couldn't speak. "I'm nothing less than you," she continued, her voice rising with every word, "but I do not ask you WHAT you are?!" She stood silently for a minute as though waiting for an apology and then spoke again, "You're rude, boy... but you shouldn't stay here. And scaring Amirald with your outfit," she moved her eyes over his pajamas from his head to his feet and up again, "is not going to work," then she released a little giggle.
Will watched her white gown float in the breeze behind her as she walked away. He stood up, took one step forwards but hesitated to proceed. "Come on," the girl said, moving her hands in the air as though dancing to a slow tune. "You don't want to be here after midnight, do you?" Will hesitated for another second but quickly followed the girl once her silhouette started disappearing in the darkness.
The girl led him over a bridge to a small village where life seemed to be boiling inside each house but no sign of it was in the narrow streets. They went into a small house in which a beautiful tune was playing. The house was warm and colourful. Numerous paintings were decorating the walls. A pleasant smell reached them from the kitchen. Then a tall, well-built man emerged from the kitchen who looked absolutely ridiculous in the apron he was wearing.
"Oh, Katie, who's your friend?" the man asked, the question being addressed to William himself.
"William, but you can call me Will," he replied quickly.
"Okay William-but-you-can-call-me-Will," the man said and he started laughing along with his daughter. "I am Mr. Vicio. It's nice to have you here. Come to the kitchen. We'll have dinner and you'll tell us about yourself, okay?"
They sat to the table and Mr. Vicio filled their plates with soup. Will was not hungry but he pretended to enjoy the soup not to offend Mr. Vicio. He looked around. Everything seemed so real... but it couldn't be! It was imposible for it to be true! Will looked at Katie, who looked back at him with a smile. Now that he could see her close, he realised how far-from-ghostly she looked. Her green eyes and crimson hair were so colourful and the only thing that was ghostly was her pale skin. She was very beautiful.
Still staring at her, Will asked in order to clarify his doubts, "Is this a dream?"
Katie's cheeks became pale pink for a fraction of a second and then she said quickly, "Dream? I don't know. I am not dreaming. Are you?"
In attempt to get a rational answer, Will turned towards Mr. Vicio. He had the same expression as his daughter. Will looked away into his plate. He thougt about it. The smell... the taste... "Probably not," Will said, admitting the absurd reality. "But where am I?"
Mr. Vicio and Katie exchanged troubled glances. "You are in Mirrowel, boy" Mr. Vicio said, his voice a little worried. "Where do you come from?"
"I... I am..." Will tried to explain but couldn't control his thoughts. Mirrowel? What is this place called Mirrowel? And how did he get here? Where is his world?
"How did you get here, Will?" asked Mr. Vicio, the trouble and worry obvious in his voice.
"I... I don't know," Will whispered still looking at the remainings of the soup. He could see his reflection... reflection... reflection. That word stood in Will's head reapeating itself over and over again. Then it stroke him and he whispered slowly, "It's the mirror..."
He looked up and saw awe in their eyes... dread he never saw in his life. Katie became even paler than she was and the colour seemed to drain from her lips. Even the tune that was pleasantly playing stopped and complete silence fell upon the house. "So it is true," whispered Mr. Vicio. "The legend is true..."
Will kept looking from one to another in hope to get some explanation. When silence dominated for too long, Will said nervously, "What legend?!"
Katie moved her lips but couldn't speak. Mr. Vicio took a deep breath and said, "There is a legend about an event that happened around two centuries ago... A young man had come from another world. He was able to move between the two world using a mirror. He married a woman and had children. But one day, something happened in the temple and all people who were in there died. Only three bodies were never found. They left one of their children to die and escaped this world."
"What's so terrifying about that?" asked Will, unable to link their fear with a story which had no threat to them now. "I mean, even if it did happed -- "
" -- You don't understand, boy!" Mr. Vicio interrupted. "One came back... The woman came back as a ghost. She hunted people down. Several people in this village died... Most people left the village. Only those who had no place to go or who were mad enough stayed."
"But if it's a legend then it's not necessarily true," suggested Will.
"But you are a living proof of it, aren't you?" Mr. Vicio pressed on. "I stayed because the ghost never touches those with pure heart. Because of that our village is called The Village of Chastity. All who live here are either saints or mad." Mr. Vicio paused and looked at Will, piercing him with his look. Then he asked, "Are you of a pure heart?"
Will did not answer.
"Then you have to leave," said Mr. Vicio. "Leave to where you came from."
After a moment of hesitation, Will took the piece of mirror out and looked at it. Katie lowered her eyes and Mr. Vicio kept nodding approvingly. Will focused on his reflection and... nothing happened.
After a minute of silence, Mr. Vicio said, "Never mind that, boy. You can stay here for the night. I think you'll be safe in our house. But you must leave in the morning."
The tune started playing again. Mr. Vicio and his daughter started discussing matters and laughing... as though the conversation they just had never happened. Will sat there, still holding the piece of mirror and blankly staring at his reflection. He was too confused...
He was given the guest-room which was very comfortable and cosy. They wished each other good night and all left to their rooms. Will lay in his bed looking at the ceiling and still wandering if there was a chance that he would wake up in the morning at his grandmother's house and laugh about the wierd dream he had. But the more he thought of it the more he was convinced that it was in fact reality.
The tune had changed into a slow one which made the eyelids heavy... but its charms seemed to be useless on Will. There was somthing pulling him... some force that called him. Following his instincts, he walked out of the house. He walked along the narrow street and across the bridge. He reached a huge, abandoned house... a temple. He stood watching the walls... the shapes incraved in them... it all seemed so...
Suddenly, it became freezingly cold and the gentle breeze turned into cutting wind. Will's heartbeat started to escalate. He regreted coming to that place and headed back, deliriously looking around. He became even more nervous when he realised that he could not remember the way back and now was standing in the cemetary. It was becoming colder and colder with every second. Shaking and rubbing his palms together, Will chose a direction and started tiptoeing.
Crunch!
His hurt sank. He looked down. There were no branches. He was not the one...
Crunch!
He froze in his position, his arms wrapped around himself to warm him up. He listened. There was somone... or something. Very close... closer with every breath he took.
A hand grabbed his elbow and pulled. Will was ready to shout when another hand blocked his mouth and a soft voice said, "Quiet!"
Will was overwhelmed to see Katie. She put her index finger to her mouth and pulled his hand. He followed. They crept between grave-plates but suddenly, Will felt a hand on his shoulder. He froze. Katie looked back and, with fear in her eyes, yelled, "RUN!!"
Not daring to look back, Will started runing. He could see the bridge now... they were so close. Katie stumbled and fell down. It was the same rock Will stumbled over the first time he appeared in the cemetary. He rushed towards Katie but the ghost was there before him. Will started shaking even more when he saw the white, translucent woman. The ghost bent over to Katie who was now silently twitching on the ground. Katie turned her head towards Will and moved her lips whispering the word "help" and helplessly raised her hand.
"NO!!" shouted Will and ran towards them. He stretched out his hand and was about to grab Katie's when suddenly the cemetary started spinning slowly and all the images seemed to melt away. He reappeared in his bed... in his grandmother's house. "NO!" he shouted again. He grabbed the mirror from his pyjamas pocket with his freezing hand and looked at the reflection... nothing happened... He sat there, gazing at his reflection and wishing to return...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Author notes
Please, be honest in your comments. I value your openion and if there was somthing you disliked let me know.
If there were any grammatical or spelling mistakes feel free to tell me. But don't be too harsh. I know my English is good but it not my mother tongue and I don't know all the rules
I am planing to make this a full story. I have planned it all through and all I need now is you priceless feedback.
Thank you :-*
Please tell me what you think [Reward: double points]
Comments
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I feel like your paragraphs are a bit long and the piece would flow more smoothly if you split them up. incraved should be engraved
Other than that, this was nicely done! Very suspenseful ending, I can't wait to see what happens. Rewarded 4
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Good start
Here are a few spelling mistakes you might want to change,
In the first paragraph and second paragraph the word "amusing"
"archeological"
laughing "hysterically"
I would like to see where this story is going next.


. Rewarded 4
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Very intriguing
Try to keep word content in mind. Using the same word over and over again can get kind of boring and leave the user unimpressed.
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Avoid adding things that aren't necessary. For example. "...,Will started running into an unknown to him direction." Simply putting "Will started running in an unknown direction.", is plenty.
Well, I have to say that you really know how to get a person's attention. You've organized this pretty well and to say the least, I'm eager to read more. Other than a couple of misspellings, you've got a pretty clean piece. I can't wait to see more from you. Good Luck,
-Gito


. Rewarded 8
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Okay, I'll bear that in mind. Thank you.
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Great job! Please continue it soon. Want to read more! Now, onto a few small errors:
In the second paragraph, you wrote, "but as he grew older and so did she and her stories." You probably should take out the "and." Also in the second paragraph:
You spelled bear "bare," danger "dangre," and amusing "amuzing." Those are mainly all the edits I noticed for now, so keep writing and good job!

. Rewarded 8
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Thank you for the help on my mistakes... I really appreciate your openion.
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Ummm you spelled opInion with an E where the i should be
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Oh...
hehehheheheh
okay, I changed it. Thanks...
Ummm... was that all you noticed about the story
?
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