Crafted with bones
Covered with flesh
Painted with skin
Looking flail and thin
Bound by string
So white and pale
Do as I am told
It never gets old
Words form at command
Not words from my mouth
These words of laughter
They come from my master
Hanging from the threads
Hanging for life
Making people’s day
Is my master’s pay
Can I be like Pinocchio?
He’s free from the strings
Can I be like my brother?
He soars with his feelings
Will the Blue Fairy grant my wishes?
Or will I end up, in the end, in ashes?
Eyes that shine
A face that smiles
A mask of happiness
It hides my emptiness
Master’s control
It’s strong and firm
There in his hands
Lies all the commands
I walk the stage
I say the lines
My voice is not mine
Crowds think I’m fine
Hanging from the threads
Hanging for life
Making people’s day
Is my master’s pay
Can I be like Pinocchio?
He’s free from the strings
Can I be like my brother?
He soars with his feelings
Will the Blue Fairy grant my wishes?
Or will I end up, in the end, in ashes?
From the strings
The strings that bind
I do a dance
I do a prance
The people laugh
The people cry
It’s all in a job
Yes, it’s all in a job
I have no life
I have no voice
I do as I am told
Because I am dead and cold
Can I be like Pinocchio?
He is free from the strings
Can I be like my brother?
He soars with his feelings
Will the Blue Fairy grant my wishes?
Or will I end up, in the end, in ashes.
Oh dear fairy please save me…
Oh dear fairy come rescue me
For all this time I hang on my strings
For this time I wait with my strings
One day, oh please one day in all my hopes
Someone comes cut these ropes
Can I be like Pinocchio?
He is free from the strings
Can I be like my brother?
He soars with his feelings
His feelings are his wings…
1
Author notes
HEHE, this actually inspired not by pinocchio the story... and it has now inspired me to write a story, it's going to be called Marionette's Cry... Wait for it!
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
At some points, the rhyming sounded a bit forced and out of place, but otherwise awesome job! My favorite stanza was this:
"Master’s control
It’s strong and firm
There in his hands
Lies all the commands"
Mostly the rhyming flowed smoothly, like in that section. if sometimes the rhymes sound weird, it's best to leave them out. Rhyming can also take away from a poem, not just add to it.
This is a great poem, though. Similes and metaphors galore! You used a lot of poetic ingredients in here. This is very good.
-
A Nose for Poetry!
Very impressive. Original. Unique. Good form...clever rhyme scheme...excellent all the way around. AND...observe my nose! It hasn't grown one bit! You know what? It's a poem...and a fine piece of poetry at that!
Gepetto would be proud! -
Wow.
This was an amazing concept.
I love how it started out hopeful in the beginning
And then turned into pleading in the end.
It was like a dark twist.
Love it.
Pinocchio was actually my favorite movie when I was little :]
Although it always did scare me a little.
Anyways.
The only problems I noticed were that your rhyme scheme was constantly inconsistant. Maybe you meant for it to be that way, I don't know. It jsut made it a little less smooth to read.
Either way,
Fantastic piece.
-Ash- -
thats really good victoria!
this poem is really something!! wow!!! i wnna write a poem!! but cant!! im such whack!! but u on the other hand are talented sista!!!!
-
-
YAAR! Not victoria... but thanks dude. But i have one thing to say to you... I'll slap you in the face if you say you're a whack again!
-
-
I'll say the not so good stuff first. Some of the rhyming, I though sounded forced. And I'm not sorry to say that's all that I didn't approve of here!!
This was somewhat sad, I ended up wanting to free him/her. You really connected with the readers here in this poem. It sort of seemed like a song it was pretty long and repeated verses.
VEry well done!!
Maria xxxx
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
-
Very different
The poem sounded like it was about a real person who was not in control of their lives and could not live out their emotions like their brother.
-
Very good - I really enjoyed that. Your structure is quite unusual, but I liked it a lot!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
-
Not Wooden...at All!
I really like this...the sound...ironically, the freedom. You "broke the strings" of meter, rhyme and form...and still managed to bring forth a piece of poetry. I heard the music of it...and felt the form you embraced. So...you are NOT bound by strings...the voice IS yours...Very nice!
GA
-
-
Thanks!
-
-
wonderful.
I read it in one sitting, then again this afternoon, I feel privileged to have read this.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Thank you very much
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
