I never would've thought I’d see mom again, but there she was, standing a mere 12 feet away. She hadn't changed a bit since the last time I’d seen her, besides the fact the circles under her eyes were now twice as big, along with the darkness being twice as bad. She was wearing low rise Capri pants and a yellow tank top. Everyone always used to tell me she was hip for her age, and I guess I understood why. She looked about 30, and being 44 years of age, I assumed that was a compliment. I wondered if she recognized me, sitting over where I was, in the corner of Starbucks, head in another $2.00 paperback book I'd bargained from the Book Exchange. Bookworm, that’s what she had called me when I was younger. Her little bookworm. All I did in response to this was blush, because I knew it was true. This was 4 years ago though, when we were happy, before she had run away. I missed those days more than anything.
I was surprised when I first saw her. I assumed, running away and all, she wouldn’t keep her residence here in Chicago. Most runaways don’t do that, stay in the same city, at least I'd never thought they did. She’s getting a mocha latte, her usual drink. We called it her obsession. She used to get one every afternoon. I wondered to myself if that was still the case. She turned around, her eyes scanning the room for a place to sit. I pray she doesn’t come over to me. She’s my mom and all, but it’d be tough sitting next to her, none-the-less have a normal conversation with her. I covered my face with my book, hoping she thinks I’m some awkward, rejected teenager. That didn’t quite happen, though. Maybe she has thought sitting next to some awkward, rejected teenager was the best place to enjoy her Starbucks that day, because before I knew it, she came heading right towards the red velvet chair by my side. I told myself she won’t recognize me, I’m 16 now, I think, and I bet a million dollars I look a heck of a lot different than I did when I was 12.
Wrong again. It's just not my day, I think as I see her scanning me up and down, a confused and worried look on her face. Please, please, please don’t recognize me, part of me prayed. But then the other part of me wanted so badly, to just crawl in her arms and never leave. But I knew neither would ever happen.
“Julia?” she asked, her voice coming out a raspy whisper. I slowly lowered my book, begging my eyes to politely look at her. They won’t listen. In fact, they roamed around the room, studying anything but mom.
"Um, no." I managed to say. "I'm not Julia." I didn't know why it came out, why I couldn't just tell her the truth. I was very well Julia, and she was very well my mother. As much as it had bothered me, I didn't change anything up. "I'm Candice." I said smiling sweetly at her. She looked utterly baffled, her mouth hanging half open, her eyebrows knit. After a moment she smiled back.
"I'm sorry, dear. I thought you were...an old friend." And with that, she walked straight out of my life, and for the time being, that was where I wanted her.
A contest entry
- 1 Vs 100 by asthray.heart.
3135 points, ended November 27, 2007, 71 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think please. [=
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
That was really good- how someone just walks into your life and can walk straight back out without knowing. It was just so sad...but it makes me want to know more about this girl Julia- Fantastic job and good luck!
Oh and the title fits perfectly! -
This was sad, but a it seems like you tried to be really emotional with it and forced it out to much.
Some of the sentencing could use some work, like there are places that clash, and some where you also tend to use the same word like three times in one paragraph.
To expand this, which I think would be rather good, you could go into why the mother ran away, why the daughter lied, and how she felt when she went withouth her mother for those four years.
Spelling and commas could use some work, and if you could, please message me why you believe this deserves to win.
Tnks for entering and goodluck, good write.
~Lady Madeline.
-
Oh man, so good, and sad. I like your descriptions of the mom, esp. Floaty-moms or unperfect moms always make me sad. I really liked this little story, it could only be improved by a short sentence of how the narrator resented her mom being gone for four very important years in her life; the the last sentence would fit perfectly. Good job!
-
This had a good start to it, great detail, makes the reader want to know more. I would like to read more too.
The only thing I would really like to comment on is the title, which is ok, just think Mother and Runaway should be, Runaway mother...just my personal thought on that.
Other than that I liked it and can't wait to read more...
sarah
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
-
This was a realy interesting, well written story. There was just the right balance of detail and movement and the plot was very focused which is important for a piece that's as short as this one. I'd be curious to read more about these characters and what there histories are and where they end up going in life.
Of course this story was also very sad too. The last line, "she walked straight out of my life, and for the time being, that was where I wanted her," is heartbreaking, it really makes me wonder what could have brought Julia to that point.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
