The couple had everything a person should need. Everything, that is, but a son. They discussed it sometimes. They entertained ideas of starting a family, and raising a child to inherit this dream. The king wanted a son. He would take the boy and shape him into a prince. His wife listened as he told stories of what a fine boy this prince would be. She smiled. If he'd be happy, then she wanted this, too. Their wish was granted one, warm morning, as the sun was coming over a violet horizon. With it came a darling surprise: Queen Olive gave birth to two sons. They were identical brothers, their names Daniel and Luke.
Every family had a story. Daniel was considering this as he climbed through the door. He sought an adventure. The attic, unexplored territory, would be the perfect place to find one. The boy had heard tales that manors in Letterport were haunted. Ghosts harbored in attics, away from the sun, where they'd wander through boxes and mark words in the dust. "This should be fun."
When he stepped into the attic, he was disappointed to find an empty room. Boxes were stacked like building blocks by the walls. Daniel shuttered. The cold air smelled like mothballs. Spider webs and dust laced every inch of the floor. He thought about a book that he read once. The villain was a murderess who buried her victims under the floorboards. Their bones were discovered in an attic, along with her own.
The young prince never found the ghosts he was looking for. He made a very different discovery. There was a keepsake box tucked under some boxes, with a broken lock. Daniel was expecting he'd need a key. He tried the latch and it opened. It was filled with maps and papers. They covered a patterned, red scarf. What was all of this? He spread a couple papers over the floor. One was a map, another written instructions. They explained how to get to his town. Others were inventories and to-do lists, dated and signed by an "Olive Hale".
"Ma," Daniel whispered. He picked up the map. It linked Letterport with a place called Tild. It was a funny name for a town. There were pictures of a girl that he assumed was his mother, with the red scarf wrapped around her head. This reminded Daniel of something. He'd learned in his lessons that these were the scarves that fairies wore. They dwelled in secret, in small societies. "It couldn't be," the prince murmured, but he didn't believe his own words. The queen had kept her past a secret all of this time. Daniel beckoned his brother, Luke. On the morning that followed, they set out. They'd follow the maps to Tild and unfold the truth for themselves.
It happened that Tild was just two miles away. It was gated with trees. Neither of the princes would risk being discovered. They knelt down into the grass and observed. "They look like us," said Luke. It was true that there were similarities. Fairies weren't the tiny, winged creatures that people assumed. They didn't fit the description. They were petite, the boys noticed. The woman and girls wore scarves. Men traveled beside their wives and children, closely but not touching. It was a rule of their society. Public affection was taboo. Daniel thought of his mother, a wealthy and beautiful queen. Her friends from her childhood wouldn't have recognized her without the disguise of her scarf. "Her friends," Daniel mouthed silently. Who had his mother left behind?
The princes came back to visit from time to time. Sometimes, they'd scrounge the courage to walk beyond the trees, careful to fit in to the picture the natives formed. Other times, they'd just watch. Luke started to come on his own. He'd seen a girl there who looked his age. She'd taken her scarf off to wash her hair in the creek, and a quilt of long, white waves broke free. She was poor, the prince guessed. The fairy's cheeks with stained with dirt, and she wore a simple, cotton dress. There was a striking contrast between them, but Luke wasn't bothered. He fell spellbound by this modest stranger, a girl too small for her wide, goldenrod eyes.
Dahlia and Luke fell in love. They fit as easily together as if they were age-old friends. The prince would bring the fairy little gifts from his world. Letterport fascinated her. She listened to him describe the manor, with its maids and groundkeepers and tall, wrought-iron fence. She laid back in the grass with him and spoke of all of her favorite things. Sunshowers, or English daisies. Dahlia would smile and stroke Luke's hair and tell him, "I'd love to live in your shoes."
Luke learned the society's rules. He studied the books Dahlia lent him in the privacy of his room. Girls couldn't speak in public places. It wasn't proper to wander around on one's own. Colors denoted social class. Citizens followed an oath to keep peace.
The prince once thought to ask, "What does it mean to keep peace?"
Dahlia eyed him curiously. "We don't fight," she explained. "There are no wars or arguments. No mean words." Her lips curved into a frown. "It means," Dahlia whispered, "You can't always have things the way they should be."
There was something about her words that left Luke thinking. He couldn't make sense of it. It wasn't until the news came that he could finally understand.
Dahlia's sister discovered her journal and threatened to their father about Luke. She knew the danger. She would be apprehended and punished. The girl might never see her love again. Desperate for a solution, she and her sister, Harper, made a deal.
"You say that your prince has a brother. I want you to find him. You will arrange for them to meet us in their city," she ordered. "I'll dress you and I as the human girls do, and we'll hold a private wedding. You may marry Luke. I'll have Daniel."
"It's settled, then," Dahlia replied, but she was secretly sad. Harper's plan had left her very ill at ease.
Luke's initial reaction was to be thrilled. He closed his eyes and imagined the kind of wedding that they'd hold. It had to be small and kept secret. Costs weren't the outlying issue. He'd order flowers and choose a chapel. What could be the problem, after all? The prince was blessed. He was allowed to marry the perfect girl of his dreams.
Days passed slowly, and people took their time. The weather was beautiful in the Spring. Dahlia and Luke never wanted to be apart. They held secret rendezvous. Lying in the grass one day, her face in silhouette, the fairy confessed her thoughts. "Luke?" she whispered.
He turned in and laid a hand near hers. "What's wrong?"
And Dahlia told him. She said that she wasn't ready to marry, that she loved him in a way that she had never known, but that they were young, and that this was not the solution. "It was all a deal," the girl cried. Her words slipped out, all tangled together, and she breathed a sigh as the weight fell from her chest.
Luke nodded with understanding. He drew her into his side and remembered how she and him seemed to fit. "Harper means well," he assured her. "But she doesn't know love like we do." They laid there, perfectly still, warm under the late-morning sun. As for now, the deal was off. They'd face the consequences.
Spring fell off its stage in a whir. Summer hurried by. The brilliant greens turned to whites as snow covered the world in a quilt, and suddenly Letterport and Tild looked alike. Every time that Dahlia and Luke stopped to listen to the birds, the day became a memory that the young couple made. Life was full of memories. It was only natural that there would be the good and the bad. When Dahlia couldn't postpone the wedding any longer, she was cornered into telling her sister the truth. "I'm going to go to Pa," Harper threatened, and she did just that.
"I can't bare being without you," Luke breathed to the air. Dahlia couldn't hear. She was forbidden to see him. Her father held her prisoner in her own, little home. The prince was a stubborn boy, of course, and he wouldn't surrender without a fight. He escaped in the night and through her rocks at her window sill. "We're running away," came his words. Luke wrapped the shivering girl in a blanket, and they walked until their familiar worlds disappeared.
Dahlia was almost sixteen when she received news via a letter from an old friend. This girl was the fairy's confidante, and they'd made a loose attempt to stay in touch over the years. "It's your sister," her words read. "I'm honestly very sorry to have to tell you. Dahlia, Harper is dead."
An accident claimed the life of the only sister she knew. Harper drowned in the creek where they used to bathe. She'd always been a greedy girl, with whom the fairy wasn't especially close. But they were sisters. Dahlia could stay hidden in the privy quarters that she and her prince had chose. They could live in this place and wake up to the scent of apple blossoms each day. But she knew that the right thing was to leave. Luke loved her unconditionally, and he'd understand.
The morning came for the community of fairies to pay the late Harper her last respects. Her mother had fallen ill long ago. Dahlia's father was the image of misery as he sat in the front pew, alone. She walked through the doors slowly and lost her footing as the scene came into view. They were at the little church on a grassy knoll. It was a happy place on any other day.
"You can do it," Luke promised. "I'll do it with you."
He took her by the hand and the couple walked toward the front of the church. Sunlight danced through stained-glass windows. Every color known to the eye painted Dahlia's skin. Her father looked up at her for the first time since she and the prince ran away. He didn't scold her. He didn't so much as disregard this boy whom he'd hated. The graying man's hands fell to his sides, and Dahlia closed the space between them with a hug.
"You can't always have things the way they should be," she'd told Luke, long ago. Life wouldn't always work in their favor. She stood with her arms around her father, and Luke's arms around her, and nobody spoke. Dahlia did what she could. She was just keeping peace.
Author notes
I chose the last option, where fairy sisters are due to wed princes, because it sounded like a fun challenge. If you read anything of mine, you'll see that I can't write good fantasy. Maybe because I never read it. I like things that are researched. But I just had to try.
So this is a tale of forbidden love, and of a girl who is left to decide what's most important to her. Sometimes, you don't have to choose. I put more into this than other stories, and it's a little long. Thank you for reading.
A contest entry
- Totally Crazy and Fanatic- Options Galore! by Miss Hanako Cullen.
225 points, ended August 12, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - We're All Unique by ladynigritude.
1400 points, ended September 1, 2007, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? Did you like what you read?
Comments
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Random notes:
“It was a beautiful, white manor, set on the crown of a hill” – Second comma is unneeded
“ The place reminded the queen of a picture. It was perfect. There was a long veranda and a garden, and groves of trees that cast shadows over acres of land. "I can't believe it's mine," she'd said. ” – though you mentioned the queen, the second sentence following that, you diverted attention away from her and back to the manor and property. Because of this, instead of saying “she’d said,” you should put
the queen said.” Though you’ve only mentioned one female in the story so far so that we can pretty easily assume that the “she” meant the queen, in other places this may not be as easy to figure out. Also, when you first mention a person, it’s good to have their name/title/whatever you’re going to call them first, and then as long as you keep the attention on them, you can call them “she” and the reader will know that the “she” is the queen. If attention is focused off of her for a while (even for those two or so sentences you have here), when you return to the queen you will want to call her “the queen” before calling her “she”… Yeah. Do you kinda get what I’m saying?
“This ivory-tower utopia would taking getting used to.” – you might want to mention WHO would have to get used to the manor…Because you started talking about the king AND queen, it sounds as if it’ll be an adjustment for both of them…But I’m pretty sure that you meant that’ll it’ll take a while for the queen to get used to (not the king since he was born into royalty)…So this is another spot where you need to clarify it a tad (even though it may seem obvious) who you’re referring to.
“Their wish was granted one, warm morning, as the sun was coming over a violet horizon.” – no commas needed in this sentence
“With it came a darling surprise: Queen Olive gave birth to two sons. They were identical brothers, their names Daniel and Luke” – OH YAY, I love twins!!
“With it came a darling surprise: Queen Olive gave birth to two sons. They were identical brothers, their names Daniel and Luke. / Every family had a story. Daniel was considering this as he climbed through the door. He sought an adventure.” – There is a huge time lapse between these two paragraphs, and there are no transitions (like a new chapter, a break, or “such-and-such years later…” kind of things). You may want to explain that time has elapsed so that this flows more smoothly together.
“Daniel shuttered” – should be “shuddered,” not “shuttered”
“ "Her friends," Daniel mouthed silently. Who had his mother left behind? ” – Ooh, this is a great question to ask! I’m glad you didn’t have some typical question like “why did their mother keep this a secret from them?” or something. This question is a lot more interesting. I want to know the answer!
“The fairy's cheeks with stained with dirt, and she wore a simple, cotton dress.” – the first “with” should be “were”
“The fairy's cheeks with stained with dirt, and she wore a simple, cotton dress. There was a striking contrast between them, but Luke wasn't bothered. He fell spellbound by this modest stranger, a girl too small for her wide, goldenrod eyes.” – She sounds beautiful! And not in the typical stunning-makeup-perfect-beauty-queen-way, but in a natural, simple, realistic, and pretty way.
I love how Dahlia and Luke bond over their experiences in two totally different worlds, and how they both try to learn about the others’ society.
‘"You say that your prince has a brother. I want you to find him. You will arrange for them to meet us in their city," she ordered. "I'll dress you and I as the human girls do, and we'll hold a private wedding. You may marry Luke. I'll have Daniel." ’ – I’m not sure how old Harper is, but it sounds like just the sort of unwise/unreasonable/unrealistic idea that a younger sibling would demand… How cute!
‘ "It's settled, then," Dahlia replied, but she was secretly sad. Harper's plan had left her very ill at ease. ’ – This seems a little unrealistic…Dahlia should know better that Daniel might not want to marry Harper. Then again, if Dahlia/Harper/Luke/Daniel are all younger, they might not think about this…I wish you would have stated the character’s ages. They all seem very young…I realize that girls sometimes married at fourteen and boys around seventeen (I’m thinking more around Shakespearean time, like in the 1500’s, though I think that, in history, royal children have been married even earlier!), but these characters seem much younger than that, which makes the idea of marriage for them seem a little unrealistic/idealistic (which may or may not be your intention), as some children’s ideas can get. And because I don’t know their ages, I can’t tell if their love/intentions to get married are genuine and should be taken seriously or not. You see the problem here.
‘ And Dahlia told him. She said that she wasn't ready to marry, that she loved him in a way that she had never known, but that they were young, and that this was not the solution. "It was all a deal," the girl cried… / Luke nodded with understanding. He drew her into his side and remembered how she and him seemed to fit. "Harper means well," he assured her. "But she doesn't know love like we do." ’ – this scene makes Luke and Dahlia seem much more mature and level-headed now…
‘"I can't bare being without you," Luke breathed to the air. ’ – should be “bear,” not “bare”
“Her father held her prisoner in her own, little home.” – comma unneeded
“He escaped in the night and through her rocks at her window sill” – “threw,” not “through”
“Dahlia was almost sixteen” – aha, so she’s 16 now! Still, her age would have helped earlier on in the story, and I still don’t know how old she and Luke were when they fell and love/planned to marry, because you never stated how much time had elapsed since Dahlia ran away…
“An accident claimed the life of the only sister she knew. Harper drowned in the creek where they used to bathe. She'd always been a greedy girl, with whom the fairy wasn't especially close. But they were sisters. Dahlia could stay hidden in the privy quarters that she and her prince had chose. They could live in this place and wake up to the scent of apple blossoms each day. But she knew that the right thing was to leave. Luke loved her unconditionally, and he'd understand.” – you seem to switch from four different topics all in this one sentence: details of Harper’s death, how Dahlia hadn’t been close to Harper, how Dahlia lived with Luke, and that Dahlia had to leave Luke. I can see how the ideas are related, but they’re all explained so briefly and they’re all jumbled into one little paragraph so that it’s quite awkward. I’d suggest that you keep the details of Harper’s death up with the previous paragraph about the letter from Dahlia’s confidante. A separate paragraph should include “how wonderful” Dahlia’s life with Luke is (the privy quarters and the apple blossoms and all that, I mean), about how, even though Dahlia hadn’t been close to Harper, and even though her life was good with Luke, how she felt that it was right to leave to return to the fairy community. (Don’t forget to say where she’s leaving TO in this paragraph! In the existing one, you say she leaves, but you don’t say that she leaves to return home until the next paragraph.)
“The morning came for the community of fairies to pay the late Harper her last respects. Her mother had fallen ill long ago. Dahlia's father was the image of misery as he sat in the front pew, alone. She walked through the doors slowly and lost her footing as the scene came into view.” – There are three possible “she”s that the last sentence could be referring to--Dahlia, Dahlia’s mother, or Harper. Instead of saying “she,” say “Dahlia”.
‘ "You can't always have things the way they should be," she'd told Luke, long ago. Life wouldn't always work in their favor. She stood with her arms around her father, and Luke's arms around her, and nobody spoke. Dahlia did what she could. She was just keeping peace. ’ – The “you can’t always have things the way they should be” quote was a tad hazy (I’m pretty sure that, here, you’re referring to the fact that Harper died, even though she should still be alive… , so you should clarify what Dahlia means by it. But other than that, this was a perfect ending, especially the last sentence!!
Overall this story was a well-written and charming piece. There are a few rough spots, but nothing a little editing and thinking can’t fix. I enjoyed reading this, and thank you for entering it in my contest!
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Beautiful!
This was an interesting way to use the Option. I loved reading this. I could see this as a novel in fact. Whoever told you, that you don't write good fantasy stories was dead wrong! This story was very entertaining.
Bravo! Awesome job!

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you so much.
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I actually read this even though it's a little bit long. I like how the nice sister falls in love with a prince. Not that the other one deserved to die. It just seems like a cute plot. And I like the whole dystopia-type fairy land and the way that you didn't portray fairies the way that people usually do. Its really, really good.





