Lucy Cossgrove

Lucy Cossgrove Sat at the bus shelter waiting for the rain to pass, the street was deserted and she was enjoying the feeling of being completely alone, finally able to relax she lent backwards onto the glass and breathed in heavily, the distant smell of sick crossed her nostrils and she wondered briefly where it was coming from. It definitely wasn’t on her clothes;

‘Perhaps the smell has stained my fingers’ she thought miserably.

She closed her eyes and squeezed her fists tightly, the £2 coin her father had given her before she left the house dug into the palm of her hand and his words echoed around her head;

"here you are love" he'd exclaimed, grinning widely as he pressed the coin into the palm of his daughters hand "buy yourself a burger or something while you're out, you need fattening up though god knows why you're so skinny the amount you bloody eat!"

His words made her wince and her heart lurched as she caught her mother’s suspicious eye, looking down at the ground Lucy mumbled a thank you to her dad and left the house, trying to convince herself that there was no possible way her mother could know her secret, she couldn’t have guessed could she?

Lucy stood up as the rain started slowing down and made her way to the local arcade, she wasn’t a fantastic gambler but she knew the slots well enough and usually could double the amount she had, today was one of those lucky days and Lucy heaved a sigh of relief as money came crashing down into the pot, she counted it up to £4.10 and tried to ignore the angry rumbles coming from her empty stomach, a subtle reminder that she hadn’t eaten today and unable to stop herself she thought greedily of what she would be spending her extra money on

not wanting to risk losing any of her money Lucy left the arcade and wandered down the street, letting her feet guide her she soon found herself outside a big McDonalds close to her home, her heart beat picked up and she looked around guiltily, paranoia made her sure her mother had been following her, and the guilt of what she was about to do made her want to turn and run back home to where she was sure she wouldn’t cave in to her daemons, but hunger overpowered and she walked into the restaurant, breathing in the smell of greasy burgers and chips, of sweat sticky sauces and ice-cream, her stomach growled even louder and she ordered a chicken burger and coke with fries, hating the words as they left her mouth, but still she couldn’t stop.

she received the burger and sat down with it, it was good even to hold it, just to know that soon the hunger pains would be gone, along with the dizziness and sick feeling she had been carrying around for days, she lifted the burger and devoured it, letting the flavor explode onto her tongue, and swallowing hard. Forcing the food in before she was able to change her mind.

As soon as Lucy swallowed the last bite, guilt set in... She brushed her hands over her full stomach and groaned quietly, hating her weakness, but unable to stop enjoying the satisfaction of feeling full for once, she rested her head in her hands and reasoned with herself that she could jog off the weight tomorrow, nobody would ever know..

Later That evening Lucy sat at the dinner table with her mother and father, Dinner as usual was a Weight watchers meal, but still a hearty one none the less, Lucy ate slowly as she listened to her fathers cheerful chattering and tried to ignore the feeling of her mothers hawk like eyes watching her, she wondered how much of her meal she should eat, not wanting to arouse any suspicion she figured that half would be ok,not too much, not too little and she could pass it off to her dad that she had eaten a lot in the day, reminding him he had given her money for a burger..

Clearing the plates after dinner Lucy felt a hand grasp her around the arm, turning around she came face to face with her mother;

“Toilets now” her she whispered, her harsh breath held the bitter smell of sick and even though Lucy was sure her mother had had a bath and cleaned her mouth the smell was still prominent, the two made their way into the bathroom, locking the door behind them and turning the taps on full power so anyone outside the doors could not hear what was happening inside, Lucy’s mother held out her hand;

“The money dad gave you?” she waited as Lucy fished the £2 coin out of her pocket,pleading silently that her mum wouldn’t suspect anything, her mother examined it;

“What else have you eaten today?”

“N-nothing, I haven’t eaten today, except for dinner” Lucy stammered, sure that her mother was going to tell her she’d been watching her in McDonalds, sure that this time she would be caught out;

“Well you ate too much at dinner” her mum scored spitefully “you’ll get fat Lucy, and then nobody will want you, don’t you understand!? I'm only doing what’s best for you”

Lucy hung her head shamefully and felt her cheeks burning. Unable to find any words, she waited as her mother unlocked the bathroom door whispered the words;

“I want every last bite out” she left the room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Lucy knelt down onto her knees and laid her arms onto the toilet seat, hot tears poured down her cheeks as she stuck her fingers down her throat and slowly obeyd her mothers horrific orders.