all enemies entertained
from the fire inside
and the depth well gained
for the lives strewn dead through God's land, maimed
A single tear shed
in the face of a non-believer
runs through the veins of the known deceiver
On this night wed...
Unto the stars above for the King's demeanor
Angel wings torn now bears the cost
of a thousand lives bred born now lost
forever damned unto a life infernal
no eye shall gaze upon the cold nor frost
acerbity's inertia of night
devours the soul of sleeping fright
the chaste awakens, leaving bitten God's given land
my heart rots, pumping blood to sight
Nothing here, we are the damned
Death flashes vividly towards the sun's last view
of us, the cursed; we are misused
blaming lives that were diffused
Nightly skies are torn in two
Secrets kept and stars that wept
Lie beneath the power's stretch
We are here, we are condemned
We won't leave, we are the damned
Minionated demons lying low beneath the rage
fire inseminates our fertility to engage
greedy gyres pounding our thoughts to ash
We are one, we are the damned
Author notes
This isnt finished... There is something missing that i cant figure out.
- Darkness Surrounds us group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Poetry contest by Xtclozer-.
700 points, ended March 9, 2008, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is a great way to describe Vampires? is it?
Good job <3 could use some capitals in places and a punctuation check.
Angel
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Deeeep. I loved it, it was very unique. I also loved the use of words in this. Very brilliant.
I do not think it is missing anything. IT was great,
Thanks for entering
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This is really good and very deep
. This is one of my favorites now. I wish I could be good like that. Do you have any tips on setting up the struckture of a poem?
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aww thank you!
Umm.... i guess separating the stanzas in appropriate places is a start.... because if the format is crap then someone will look at it and go "okay this is hard to read" then not read it.
basically just write what's in your head. let it all flow out. thats all i do...
if you ever need any advice or help then just ask me... i will happily lend a hand. -
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Hey I redid the sructure of my poem Clouded Deception. Did I do it right? Check it out.
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I love this poem! No doubt one of your best. The wording is great and you can definitely feel the flow of the poem. Good luck with the rest oks it! Oh, and I love the vocabulary!
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lol thanks!!!!! i dont know what to do with it yet, i am still figuring it out.
well thank you for the comment and stuff... lol =]
oh, and the vocabulary was easy. haha simple simple stuff.
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I think this is perfect as is. That last line would be a good ending. Yet another poem of yours that leaves me with a "wow" impression.
x Julez -
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thanks =]
i just cant help but feel as though something is missing... i guess i will just keep coming back to it when i feel that i may have figured out what it is, lol.
thank you for commenting and for the advice.
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