A new day arrived. Spring was Hato’s favourite season. The air was nice and warm, and butterflies would gently flutter over the jade coloured grass. The flowers were blossoming in luscious colours everywhere as Hato skipped through the park towards school. Kelly and Jason waited outside the entrance of the school for Hato to arrive.
The school bell echoed down the corridors. Hato’s face was beaming with radiance as she skipped out of the classroom. She was transferred to this school because her parents moved, and in the beginning she was bullied and looked down on by the other children, but over the course of time she had made heaps of friends and felt more comfortable in her new school. Recess was Hato’s favourite time during school. During break she would go and sit cross-legged between her friends on the jungle gym. Everyday Hato brought enough cookies and nuts to share with everyone. Kelly, Jason, Michael and Brian sat in silence while indulging in the cookies. Hato wiped a piece of cookie from her tiny mouth and tuck her wavy velvet black hair behind her pointy ears.
Michael got up quickly when he saw a strange shadow against the wall on the far side of the school. “What’s that?” Michael asked, breaking the mealtime silence. Hato’s soft ocean blue eyes sparkled when Michael spoke, hoping that it would be another shiny thing for her to add to her collection. Michael tried to hurry off the jungle gym to inspect the bizarre sighting. His foot slipped on the sleek surface; stumbling against the railing, he fell off the side of the jungle-gym, plunging down onto the hard ground below. Everyone on the playground stopped playing immediately when they heard the loud thump of Michael’s fragile body hitting the earth.
A few children gathered around Michael in a circle to observe the blood flowing from his head, staining the soil. Hato rushed instantaneously to where Michael lay. As if it were instinct, Hato placed her hand over the open wound. Her hand began to turn pale and bleak, until a white glow enveloped her hand completely. It looked as if mist was gathering around the air, intensifying the pulsating glow that surrounded her hand. The blood stopped flowing from Michael’s head and his skin replaced the wound, as if it was never there. The children stood in the circle awe-struck, too afraid to speak and paralysed by what they had just witnessed. Michael’s eyelids flickered and he opened his eyes as if nothing was wrong. “What happened? I… I can’t remember what happened?” Hato examined her hand which has now turned to its usual zestful colour. A shrill erupted as a little girl ran off towards the entrance of the school. The circle broke into pieces as all the children ran away screaming ferociously. Hato got to her feet and walked home, not caring anymore, as drops of tears escaped her gentle eyes. “What am I?”
Hato continued walking home, but something was feeling out of place. She had the feeling of constant eyes darkly watching her from behind. She turned around to look, but saw nothing than an empty paper bag being carried down the empty street. Awkwardly, Hato changed her tempo from a pace to running. She couldn’t help but feel uneasy. A tingling sensation swept over her body as she stopped abruptly. She turned as fast as she could, hoping that she would find the person following her. The sun shone brightly into her dazzling blue eyes as she turned around, making it hard to see anything. For a second, she caught the glance of an obscure shadow hastily going around a corner. Hato ran to follow the strange sighting in hope to find the person who had been stalking her. When she reached the corner however, she came face to face with a wooden wall. Being rather confused at this point, she put her worries behind her, and skipped home.
A new day arrived, and Hato went to school. This time, no one waited for her at the entrance to the school. As she walked through the corridor towards her register class, the children stood against the walls to let her pass as they deviously whispered things to each other. Hato didn’t mind this; she was used to it since she arrived in this school. She sat at her desk next to the window, playfully staring at the park across the street. The wooden door opened with a hollow squeak as the teacher entered the room. A sly boy with pale white skin entered after the teacher. “Everyone, I would like you to welcome Lucien to your class. His parents just moved here from Okinawa. You can go and take a seat now, Lucien.” His hair was completely white and cascaded over his shoulders. He had a cunning face that resembled a fox’s features. His long sparkling white jacket almost hung on the floor, revealing only his small hands through the oversized sleeves. His eyes were deep and dark, contradicting with his hair and clothes. Hato felt a tingling sensation once more course through her body as the boy sat in the corner of the classroom. Hato felt her tummy churning. Something wasn’t right to her about this boy.
Author notes
This is still very far from finished and it's my first time that I'm trying to write a fantasy piece, so I was wondering if I should keep working on this or abandon it?
A contest entry
- To Make A Choice by JuliaAlexandrovna.
900 points, ended October 19, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Should I continue with this?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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You are missing something in your author's notes.
Well, this is solely a Hato piece, therefore you have it in the wrong contest.. Oh, wait.. You had no choice.. I didn't realize it had ended before I could extend it. Oops.
As far as abandoning it goes, I do not believe you should. I'd like to see the finished result and you've got a good storyline going here.
Thanks for entering. Good luck ^^
x Julez -
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Haha, yeah, I found it weird that you said I should enter it in a contest where there are only stories about Hato, because I couldn't find one!!!
Thanks, I'll try to continue it in my free time or whenever something comes to mind that I can add in it. But I'm really struggling with it. Fantasy isn't the thing that I usually write, and I'm finding it quite hard.
Well, thanks for reading and commenting, I really appreciate it!
♥NewGuy90
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Thanks for reading and applauding, I really appreciate it a lot! This is my first attempt in writing any fantasy piece and I found it rather difficult, but I've decided that I'll try and write another few chapters and hopefully it wont turn out too bad in the end.
♥NewGuy90 -
AWESOME DESCRIPTION!!! I loved this lots and lots. I would love to see more of this! Wow you have a talent and it should be honed! Wow this was absolutely terrific!
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wow that had amazing disription
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It's really very good. I think that instead of writing it all on one page, you should write it in chapters, maybe one a day or week to give yourself a breather for thinking about what you want to write on it next. What you have written here is perfect for the first chapter. However I think that you should maybe write about Hato's parents possible reaction to what Hato has to tell them about Michael's accident.... That's just me, though.... The decision is ultimately up to you.
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KEEP WORKING! That is so mean! Just writing to this point then abandoning it, leaving readers in the dust! Heh, sorry, but this was really cool, and you HAVE to continue, you hear me?!
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This was really nice. You should really keep going with it. Nice job with descriptions.
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I like the descriptions you have used
& the word usage.
It's very eye-catching.
Great job with this.
Keep going with it.
=]] -
Right at the beginning this caught me, with the description 'jade coloured grass'. It gave me such a beautiful image.
This really intriuged me. I loved the characters so far, they are colourful, original and magical!
If you dont continue this, I shall break out the rubber pineapples, and we both know how bad that can be..........
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I love it, but if you want to continue it, don't make Hato's miracle/revelation happen so soon. It's not always a good idea to lay everything flat in the beginning, sounds juvenile. But your story is great! Can't wait to read about Lucien.
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Nicely Done...Why Abandon it?
Held my interest all the way. Very nice. I would alter "flowing from his HEAD..." to something a little less clumsy...more descriptive (sounds like a gusher!) and check "instantaneously"...perhaps instantly might be a little better. I thought you injected your little clues as to who is who and what might be going on very deftly and subtly. Again, a very nice job. Don't drop this.
G -
Great way to end this, I need to know what happpens next! great flow of words. Definately continue this!
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“What am I?”
what indeed.
"and tuck(ed) her wavy velvet black hair behind her pointy ears"
is hato suppose to be an elf or something? -
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Actually, Hato Risu is based upon a character created by JuliaAlexandrovna, who has a squirrel tail, ears, and pigeon wings. That is why I decided on "pointy ears". However, I've adapted Hato to a more "normal" girl, and in the parts to come she will spread angel wings, hence the "what am I?" part.
Hope this makes more sense now.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
♥NewGuy90
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Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
You should continue.
Definately.
Stop being so insecure. You know it rocks!
I can't believe you left me hanging like that. Now I'm mad at you. Very mad. Grr mad. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Unless you hurry up. Then maybe I will be happy. And you won't have to be scared.
Until then, I would watch your back!
WRITE!
♥
xoxox
As if you did know what freak wrote this....
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