It's you I would have been with
In a different world
I would have given my heart to you
for its safekeeping
In fact, I think I did
I should've known better.
If I had three chances
and my first two were used
I'd use my third one to love you
And if I had three wishes
and my first two were wasted
I'd save the last
to bring you back to me
And if the devil made an offer
then it'd be soul for soul
Because saving you is really
the only way
to save me
I miss you, dear Angel
I wish you hadn't said
Goodbye, for the last time.
Goodbye.
Author notes
"I have read the rules and if I qualify for the Round 1, I will continue onwards to the finals."
A contest entry
- Poems! by Baba Jojo.
115 points, ended August 30, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Poet's Challenge: Round X by Asfand.
175 points, ended October 9, 2007, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Love Poems by ZackTruel.
300 points, ended September 28, 2007, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Keep Holding On by heartfullofvenom.
425 points, ended November 4, 2007, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Amazing Poetry Contest(ENTER) by Melissa Loves Jeffy.
225 points, ended November 19, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is so beautiful. Did that person brake up with u or somthin. Its so hard to say goodbye to somone. You have guts in doing so. I hope u heal. Good luck in the contest.
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True.
I loved it. it's true and it really shows how much you would do for one person. I like the repetition of the forms of"and my first two were used". Nicely done.
Good Luck!
♥
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It was a nice poem overall. It had somethings that could definetly be improved as some of the others have said, but I really liked several of the statements you made, like with the chances and stuff. Good job on the poem and good luck in the contest.
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Co-Judge Callthexylophone
Title ~ 6/10 (to a real person, so it IS meaningful, but does not directly or obviously correlate to any part of the poem or is all that attention grabbing.)
Depth ~ 7/10 (I can tell that it's about an in-depth subject, but the feeling wasn't transmitted.)
Imagery ~ 8/15
Format ~ 8/10
Feeling ~ 8/10
Theme ~ 15/20 (the theme stayed the same, which was good, and was easy to identify, but that was about it.)
Flow ~ 12/15
Understanding ~ 10/10
Total ~*~ 74/100
Don't be shocked by my grading, it's not that I'm harsh or anything, or that Asfand's a softie ^_^... it's just that the poem didn't speak to me much. However! It is very well written, don't despair. -
Very nice entry ~
A very heart-felt poem ~
Feelings are a very strong point here, so wonderful one that ~
There were two things that really stood out, one being the feelings and emotion and the other was flow ~
Bringing flow to a poem is hard, and though its not that smooth, it is quite good ~
*In fact, I think I did
I should've known better.*
--> Definitely not my favorite lines. They struck odd, rather straight forward. It is a poem ~
Never capitalize unless you have a dash, hyphen or period in the upper stanza ~
*And if the devil made an offer
then it'd be soul for soul*
--> Strongest lines with woven imagery ~
I think the piece could have been formatted better at some points, some more stanzas could have been made for easier understanding ~
Overall, the first entry was a strong one too ~
I liked it, emotional impact was very nice ~
Good luck and thanks for entering ~
Title ~ 8.7/10
Depth ~ 8.9/10
Imagery ~ 12.6/15
Format ~ 9.2/10
Feeling ~ 9.8/10
Theme ~ 17.9/20
Flow ~ 14.5/15
Understanding ~ 9.1/10
Total ~*~ 90.7/100
For a poem that I am critical on, a very high score ~
I am impressed ~
Nice job and hoping that you qualify ~
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Great job
so sad ... but yet so realistic , I felt the torment and pain while reading this ....
As leon would say in my story "hope" even now the warm tears flow !
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how painful! Good flow and strong poem! Nice work here!
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hey!!! wow!
Thanks for this! I kinda like all of this.
The 3 chances, wishes and devil things have me imagine loads of good things. It's very romantic too.
Anyway, it's worth reading and adding to one's favorites.
Thanks for sharing this!
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The flow of this is wonderful. I can truly feel the emotions. great piece! Thanks for sharing this.
Fav lines...
"And if I had three wishes
and my first two were wasted
I'd save the last
to bring you back to me"
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Good job on this elfie! This really is a touching poeming about lost love. You were able to truely bring the emotions through with your words. I didn't even know you wrote poetry, and I am very glad you shared this with us. Wonderful piece!
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nice great just grea
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this is really good =]
i feel your pain... i know how it feels to be left alone after someone you love leaves. (well, someone you feel strongly for)
awesome write, never stop!
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Speechless
...wow...emotional...deep...i can relate to it...damn girl u good! keep it up.
White Lighter
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