The trees, as all graveyard trees have always been, were twisted and dark, barren and loathsome. Outstretched, they were, over those that were under them, breathing out heavy clouds of fog, shedding silver droplets. The bizarrely garbed creatures and humans all stood upon the marsh, surrounding an enormous pile of earth and scattered stone. A simple wooden cross was driven down into the hill, marking Imagination’s grave.1
There was a young woman situated away from the others, silently mulling with her chin upon her fist, her elbow resting upon her knee. The corners of her violet lips trembled from the sadness she tried to keep hidden. Golden curls fell before her eyes as she gazed at the creatures she had loved so dearly.2
One by one, as is the only fit way to leave a burial, the creatures slipped away. They fell upon the hill, slowly becoming part of what they were. And, though the humans sustained for a time, it was only long enough to reshape the hill where the bodies of dirt and ash had collapsed. Standing, the woman approached the hill slowly, keeping pace with the dog walking beside her. The ends of her cloak fell behind her, covering the ground with its darkened cloth, ripples forming from its edges.3
By now the humans too had turned, metamorphosing to match their brethren. She stood upon the mound as rain fell from the sky, piercing Imagination, soaking deep into the dirt. She felt nothing yet she weeped. Creatures and humans alike had been hers, products of her imagination.4
Her knees crashed into the earth. She grasped the cross before her, forcing blood from her hands, whitening her knuckles. Gazing out from under the branches, images of similar gravesites reflected off her eyes. Marked upon them were the various names of novels and tales, each a different size, each created from the creatures and beings they had consisted of. “My darlings,” she whispered, her words splitting the fog, “how you have been stolen from me.”5
Standing, she came to her feet. A foot of mud enveloped her legs, completely covering her boots. Pulling them out, she left behind gaping holes in Imagination. She focused her eyes ahead and began to walk forward, every step leaving her print until she came to the trampled earth. 6
Her vision was fixated on the gate before, the entryway to realism and the problems fixed with it. It was through this gate that she vanished, remembered only by the footprints held by Imagination.7
REALISM8
A continuous knock comes from the door, encompassed sound abounding. “Janet,” a voice repeats, every time louder and more desperate, answered only by a dog’s whining bark. The voice cannot be heard by her. Her ears no longer take in sound, as her lips no longer form words. 9
Earlier, she had found a package upon her doorstep, just sitting innocently as it awaited Janet to open it. But what was inside, could never be described as guiltless. 10
Peering in, she had found a book. Greatly familiar with the novel, she was, but not the author's name. Printed upon the cover was the name of a stranger, the name of a thief. Her work, her Imagination, had been murdered.11
Taken in by shock and dismay, Janet’s heart had ceased its continuous convulsions. As many stories had been taken, so had her life. She fell to the floor, her golden curls bouncing off the wood.12
Imagination was to never again give birth to creatures and beings alike. But it was to remember her by her footprints, the slight marks of its creator.
In a list
A contest entry
- We're All Unique by ladynigritude.
1400 points, ended September 1, 2007, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Stories....FANTASY!!! Ends soon soo enter enter enter!!! by Baba Jojo.
115 points, ended September 1, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short and Sweet by abba12.
175 points, ended October 2, 2007, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Goods by Maui Jane.
225 points, ended September 23, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy captivates by ForestFaery.
130 points, ended April 21, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Your Own Ideas... by Natalie-.
500 points, ended April 13, 2008, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Stories by Reaver.
455 points, ended June 13, 2008, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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Nice and interesting detail at the beginning, good luck.
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Nice story, I found the imagry breathtaking. Great job, and good luck.
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Brilliant and well written. It was a great read. It's a very interesting story that kept me reading till the end.
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I love the word usage you loose alot of bigger more descriptive words. It is a very sad peice but a well thought out one at that. it caught my attention just from the title. i wish you luck in this contest and hope to read more of your work
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A very unusual story. At first, there was confusuion and then, by the end, it revealed itself. Its hard to pull that kind of thing off but you did a good job. Great Job and thanks for entering!
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The imagery in this was really good and I liked some of the words you used to describe things. There were a couple of commas I felt were misplaced, but that is the only comment I can make on mistakes. I was a little confused at first by this story but I think by the end I figured out what was going on. Very creative.
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opening scene I'd give it an 8.5 out of 10 points. very capturing. but what does garbed mean? you sort of lost me there a bit. very nice imagery on the young woman. I'd give the imagery atleast a 9, but i'm confused with what you mean by "creatures." overall i think this story was great for its abstractism (unfortunately I don't understand abstract writing that well) so I was confused throughout your piece. but thank you for entering my contest. :
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Garbed means "clothed in". "Creatures" is refering to to the many things she created in her writings. This isn't really "absract" at all though...
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thank you for the definitions
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this is very well written, the reader wondering from the begining what is happening. the message is so well done, if i found my stories published as another persons it would kill me inside. great work
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This is a fabulous story. You have very fluid writing and are very talented. The originality and descriptions are fantastic. I love how you ended the story - great job!
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Wow, a person who lived off of her own stories. I must say, it is very original. I really liked the imagery, and the ending. Very good job, and good luck in the contest.
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So good!!!!!
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I must say this is one of a kind. I've never read anything like this and am grateful for this new experience. Your wording was beautiful, your imagery exceptional. It captured my attention and held it throughout! Truly a beautiful piece! Well done! Thank you so so very much for entering my contest and good luck!
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Oh wow! This story is definetly one of a kind! I have never read one similar to it before, and the concept is wonderful. I wish I was judging on the creativity and use of imagination as well as the scenery description, because this one would definetly take the prize. However, this contest is judged solely on description of the scenery, which you have also written wonderfully in this story, but there are definetly some close competitors when it comes to that area. This will definetly be considered for the win though.
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ahan, a very interesting and natural take. In a sense that is most forlorn and of thoughtful seduction, wonderful.
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This was very good. It was painted in my mind like a picture. I absolutely love this. It could possibly be one of my favorite things on this site.
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Wow! Thanks alot!
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You're welcome of course
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This was really well and maturely written, I really enjoyed it and really got brought into the story. I love your imagery, its extremely vived. Good luck with the contest!
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"They fell upon the hill, slowly becoming part of what they were. And, though the humans sustained for a time, it was only long enough to reshape the hill where the bodies of dirt and ash had collapsed." - I'm not sure what's happening here...Can you clarify it for me? You might also want to make it more apparent in your story...
' Marked upon them were the various names of novels and tales, each a different size, each created from the creatures and beings they had consisted of. “My darlings,” she whispered, her words splitting the fog. “How you have been stolen from me.” ' - OOOOH!
That's awesome! 
"Her vision was fixated on the gate before, the entryway to realism and the problems fixed with it" - Double-ooh!
"REALISM" - Thank goodness you told me you were returning to reality, otherwise I woulda been REALLY confused.
"Earlier, she had found a package upon her doorstep" - A....rejection letter? Ooh, let's see if my prediction's right...
"Peering in, she had found a book. Greatly familiar with the novel, she was, but not the author's name. Printed upon the cover was the name of a stranger, the name of a thief. Her work, her Imagination, had been murdered." - NOOOO! That's far worse!!
Wow, this story was phenomenal. I absolutely love symbolism, and the symbolism in this story was wonderful. I imagine that I'd feel exactly like this--as if piece of my mind were dying--if I even found out that someone was stealing MY stories. Also, I have almost zero corrections or suggestions for improvement on this...I can tell already that this story will do very well in my contest. Thank you for entering!
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I liked the name, drew me in alot. That was really good, and put down a lot for what this story consists of.
On the authors notes, wether this is the best or not it was still a great read. I enjoyed it immensely.
There were though, some parts that lost me, made me lose trail and forget where I was at. The flow seemed to collide then go back to normal.
She had found a package upon her doorstep, just sitting innocently as it awaited Janet to open it. But what was inside could never be described as guiltless.
Amazing, just brilliant use of words, the story should have been completely like this, a stunning line that draws you in.
Spelling and grammar all seemed to be in place, good flow and sentence structure. imagery was amazingly done.
Tnks for entering and goodluck. Great write.
~Lady Madeline.
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I've re-done some of the sentences and forms. Hope it makes the flow better!
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Before I say anything, I should say that I love this idea. It's a little fuzzy and hard to follow, particularly near the end, but it's unlike anything I've read before, especially on Storywrite: a stolen, buried imagination.
I like the part in the story that reads, "Marked upon them were the various names of novels and tales, each a different size, each created from the creatures and beings they had consisted of. It left me thinking of a graveyard covered inch to inch with books, all the names of classic novels engraved over the tombs.
There are a couple of small things that could use improving. First, the beginning is hard to follow. The sentences are broken into too many parts with the commas. Read this sentence by itself: "Outstretched, they were, over those that were under them, breathing out heavy clouds of fog, shedding silver droplets." It sounds a little choppy. That might just be me. Beside of that, all of the sentences are long. Stories flow beautifully when they have a nice balance of short and long sentences, and ones in between.
You did a good job with this. Thank you for entering.
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Thank you for your critiquing. I've gone through, and, realizing that it did need some work, tried to fix it as best I could without destroying the style.
Thank you for holding the contest, and I'm glad you liked my story.
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Great Great Wonderful Lovely
A few thoughts:
"she grasped the cross before her, forcing blood away from her hands, whitening her knuckles." I love this image... but instead of "away" I think "from" would work better.
I was honestly a little confused by the ending- though I did get the idea. Is there anything you can add to clarify the significance of the book, and "theif?"
Second to last paragraph, try beginning with "Earlier, she had found..." so that it doesn't seem like she found the package after describing her current "condition" in the previous paragraph.
In all, I loved the idea, loved the images and symbolism. Lovely, lovely words...
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, characters: 5.
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Indeed this is a great!!!! Very descriptive.
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wow...just, wow. thats all there is to it
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Brilliant!!!!!
Wow...I'm amazed yet AGAIN at the incredible TALENT I'm discovering on this site!!!
The only other story I've read of yours so far, is Suppertime...and that one is excellent too! What can I say? You are a brilliant writer!! I wish I could write like you! Heh. I guess I have A LOT OF PRACTICING TO DO!!!
The idea behind this is great...the writing, exceptional. The way you phrased your sentences, the images, the feelings...all very riviting and wonderfully administered.
Excellent job!! I'm officially wowed!
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OH my, Andrew!
This was incredible! I think it's one of your best yet!
The way you wrote this...it was just terrific! I love your writing always, you know that, but this...it was just crazy. I loved it.
The wording you used was great, and I think this was one of the pieces you really showed you're great at emotion and imagery. Seriously, I felt her pain and I saw everything happening!
The plot was also fantastic. The idea was amazing, and so very sad!
It almost made me want to cry.
This was just brilliant, Andrew my dear, brilliant.
Fantastic work!
xoxo
Tay
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WOW!!!
This was perfect. VERY GOOD!!! Well written. Everything you said in here fits so well for this genre. It starts out in a graveyard. What could be more appropriate than the way it follows that. Perfect.
Now, have you ever read 'The Face in the Abyss'? by A. Merritt. You should. look it up. You may still be able to find it. It's about thirty years old. Good luck. Please continue. Very good job.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Thank you, Artim! I'm very glad you liked it!
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it was extreamly thrilling
She had found a package upon her doorstep, just sitting innocently as it awaited Janet to open it. But what was inside could never be described as guiltless.
wonderfull
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Thank you very much!
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