Once upon a time there was an elf, she grew up in a place where men got shot outside, and in the morning you had to walk around the police tape to get to school, and the teachers yelled at you for being late, even though it was not your fault that there were bad men in the world.
Some of the elf's friends didn't like the bad stuff in the world and so instead of trying to find good things to think about (like glitter and magic and sparkly sunshine) they hung themselves from their bathroom ceilings. Elf found them and she cried in the shower.
Elf wanted to follow her friends, she wanted to see their smiles again. She thought about the good times and she thought about the swinging bodies until she couldn't go to playgrounds anymore because every swing was a friend and every happy time a time that couldn't be shared with them.
But then one day she meet a fairy and the fairy told her
"You have to stay alive, cause you are the only person who remembers those people in the way you remember them" and Elf thought that sounded right.
So she lived.
Author notes
If I were to make this a tad longer, where would you like to make it longer?
The Raskovnikovs
A contest entry
- More Options by LostSoulOfRage.
375 points, ended September 11, 2007, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Just Enter... by On.Cue.
375 points, ended November 10, 2007, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Mistakes and improvements please
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Alright...Not to be mean, but...Well...ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME!?
Just kidding. It's not THAT bad. But seriously. Did you take this seriously??? Oh my goodness. Well then. Erm, bye?
xXxXoOoO Chelsey -
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Man your comments are inconsistant, just that you said you enjoyed it in the last comment you put and now you don't. It is very confusing for a girl trying to improve her work.
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Were you being serious about this piece?
What was the plot? The theme? The POINT of the story?
The ending was pretty brusque and plain.
Please think, in the future, about descriptions, details, etc. -
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Cute sadness was the point, I didn't put in description because I thought description would take away from the short plain blandness of the words, which was kind of what I was trying achieve with this story.
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I think that if you were to expand it, you could expand the ending. Maybe tell of what she decided to do to make others remember her friends as she did or to get other people to see what caused them to go. This is really a very sad story. I think that by adding to it, it would be much better. Good luck in the contests.
No, I'm kidding. Of course I'm not going to copy someone else!!! Why would you think that of me? *lower lip wobbles*
Anyway, you did a great job on this story, please write more! I really actually clicked on it randomly, but enjoyed every word of it!
Thanks for the good read!
~Chel
(Go flames!)
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I think that if you were to expand it, you could expand the ending. Maybe tell of what she decided to do to make others remember her friends as she did or to get other people to see what caused them to go. This is really a very sad story. I think that by adding to it, it would be much better. Good luck in the contests.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, characters: 5.
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Don't be so CARE-LESS!
The ESSENCE of this story and certainly the end of it makes the whole deal worthwhile. But you must rework it...take better care with it...don't use words like "cause" instead of "because"...don't write run-on sentences...don't misspell words like "shot!" You seem to be in a cynical, care-less, kind of hurry...disparaging your own work. C'mon. This is a wonderful, worthy theme you have here...don't toss it away. And noone should even dare tell you what to broaden or elongate. This is up to you...this is ALL yours. Do it. It has a soul. I kid you not, Kate!
G
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Oh my god! Is it true? I never thought I would see the day that you wrote something that could be considered slightly nice, who are you and what have you done with Gary Alexander?
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i dont know if this was suppose to be a joke
but anyhting that involves dead elves makes me happy.
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this one is a good story- I liked it- to me it meant pain- about the haging and the suicide am i getting this right or am i just to wrapped up lol- in any case the poing that she decided to live and not end up dead makes me happy
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Yeah, there was some suicide, its based on what a friend of mine told me one time, she is the elf.
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Very good
I really liked it. Even for being so short, it has a really good meaning. I think that if you were to ever expand this, that it would be a popular hit. Sure, there were a few spelling mistakes (actually, I think I only spotted one, and it was probably a keyboard accident), but I liked it. And that's saying a lot because I generally don't like really short stories. So, kudos to you!
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