Transylvania
1467
Prologue
As I ran up the stone stairs I could feel, like a stinging bullet, the poison pulsing up my leg from my ankle. We ran as fast as we could up the dark stone passage way, with all hell at our heels. My younger sister ran beside me with her golden hair flying as she sprinted up the spiral staircase in a panic. My black hair got in my eyes as I ran as well.
I gritted my my teeth as the fire in my veins reached my knee. The pain impaired my running and I started to slow. Maxim looked over his shoulder as he ran. He was much further than us and at the front of the fleeing group. His eyes widened at the site and shouted something I could not understand.
I turned to see hands grabbing Aria, her blond hair being pulled at every angle. I pulled my dagger from it's sheath and jumped into the spray. I cut off every foul creature holding to my beloved sister. The venom continued to spread and soon it was up my arm. Soon it would reach my heart and it would be all over. The pain that scorched my veins also brought with them a surging of strength.
My mind had begun to fog as I released my sister from the torrent of evil beings. As the fearsomely clammy hands clawed at my face and back I used my last bit of effort to lift my sister with the arm that now had tripled its strength and threw her with all of my might at Maxim.
“Save her, save Aria!” I screamed at them. As the beasts pulled me under their flood of bodies I saw him catch Aria and start running again as she screamed, a scream I could not hear.
Then it was over. My heart stopped.
Author notes
He He!!!It is such a little taste!!! Go find chapter one if you are interested.
Was it ok? I thought it was a little short but this is just my first draft
Comments
-
Cool!
I like it so far. I'm a little jealous! Good work for a prolouge. Keep it up my friend!
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
-
Very good! Your pro said you're what? 15? Very talented, indeed. Keep it up!, other than grammar errors, that's a good start! Oh, and don't worry, a prologue is meant to be short, just a simple half- to one-page teaser.

-
-
Thanks! Ya I am fifteen. I know there are some grammatical errors. I haven't looked at this in a while so I need to hack it with my new knowledge. You know whats freaky? This all is almost exactly step by step from a dream I had.
Well thanks for the compliments
-
-
OMG! AMAZING! This... I... I HAVE TO READ MORE! I love the descriptions, and you had me hooked from the beginning! I love the way she saved her little sister, very... HEROIC. FANTASTIC!!!!






