He was running out of time, and he knew it. The sand was trickling through the hourglass.
He stood back and surveyed the scene. He had planned it all so well, right down to putting out some powerful detergent and cloths to make sure the place was cleaned afterwards. A cold sweat broke out on his forehead, and prickled his eyes as it ran down his face.
Gritting his teeth, he tried to regain his composure. It was just so damm unfair that a problem had arisen now, of all moments. Just as everything was ready.....
He had worked out an elaborate ploy to get his wife out the way whilst he prepared. That Spa hadn't been cheap, to send her off for the day. Especially when he had had to pay for her best friend to go too, because she said she would feel stupid going alone.
Turning, he strode to the table and picked up the large butcher knife sat there. He would do it anyway, he decided, in a sudden jolt of confidence. He would do it anyway, and to hell with the consequences. OK, it would be a bit messier, but he could still pull it off.
He glanced at the egg-timer again. The sand had nearly all run through. He had to move fast and get ready. She would be home any minute.
Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, he approached the stove. Cooking had always made him nervous. Especially when he was making a birthday cake for his wife.
And especially when he had lost his oven-mitt.
"Arrrrghhhh!" he screamed, as the hot baking tin scalded his hand. He had rescued the thing just in time. It had just begun to burn. Taking his knife, he cut around the edge and turned it out onto a plate.
Shaking like a leaf, he fell back against the wall, and wiped his brow with the back of his hand, leaving a smear of cake mix behind.
"I did it!" he laughed breathlessly as he heard her keys in the front door. "I did it!"
Author notes
I chose option 4.
In a list
A contest entry
- Hurry up and save yourself a Spot! by Greeneyes15.
245 points, ended August 7, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Brilliant! The ending came completely out of left field, I absolutely loved it. A superb element of amusing suprise after a suspensful build-up. I really look forward to reading more of your work. :
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Great Twist!
You really had me pulled in with the way the guy had everything so plotted out. The twist was ingenious.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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love the twist! i was sure it was going to turn in to another suicide/murder story, but hell was i wrong! it actually made me laugh out loud! the style is great, love that you kept it short too. nice work!
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Good job, Fallen. I enjoyed this a lot and I especially liked how you described the characters so well.
I also happen to like the dialogue in this story... even though it's not normal.
Keep up the damn good work! -
Very good! And very surprising.
I sort of didn't expect the ending, since I had hoped for something more... interesting, like the wife coming home and finding out.
But let's not focus on the bad things. I think this story, even though it isn't very long, was well thought out and well planned.
You might want to try writing sequel, or a contest to make an ending for it. But, otherwise, I loved it. I absolutely LOVED IT!
Good job!
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Interestingly fun and you really used some crazy emotion for this story, FallenAngel. I especially liked the last paragraph, because it was so funny and crazy.
Keep up the good work!
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fun and deserved the silver.
I enjoyed this a great deal. I thought it may become sinister, but i really liked the fact that he was just doing something pleasant for his wife.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Excellent.
Boy, was I had there!
Did I get taken!
Very nicely brought off.
360 degrees!
GA
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Hahaha! This was excellent! I also thought that this going to turn into a gruesome murder, until you said that baking makes him nervous (where I got all confused with where the story is going, in a good sort of way). Why did he use a butcher's knife to cut a cake with though? I guess if you didn't include it the story wouldn't have had as much suspense as it did.
Either way, it was written brilliantly and has a really good twist! This deserves clappy men.
Thanks for the great read!
♥NewGuy90
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I used the butcher knife, as you say, to add suspense and make people believe something bad involving viscera was about to happen.... but also to reinforce just how bad he is in the kitchen! You and I both know you dont need a butcher knife to cut out a cake! 
Thank you for the comment and clappy men! They are greatly appreciated! I am glad you enjoyed.
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wooow
i can't wait to see what happens next!This is a very good piece of writing,i'm on the egde of my chair!
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That was just great! lol! you had me all syched up for something really horrable to happen, and it turns out he was just baking a cake! Awesome, simply awesome!
--Greeneyes
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Hehehe- yet again you take the simplest of tasks and turn it into something sinister. Well done- and good luck!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Just letting you know i that i posted the prompts! you have 24 hrs. to write! good luck! thank you so much for entering!
--Greeneyes
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