Pukng Up Life; Chapter Four

The next time Cassie awoke, she was alone in a small room. There was a tube protruding from her nose, and intravenous lines in both her arms. A screen above her bed was keeping track of her fluttering heart rate, and there were bruise flowering all over her arms where blood had been drawn.

As soon as she had woken up, Cassie wished the darkness would swallow her back up again. Shutting her eyes, Cassie tried in vain to sink back into the blackness. It didn’t work.

A while later a nurse came into the room and explained that Cassie has suffered something called Mallory-Weiss tear. Part of her insides, the place where her esophagus joined her stomach, had split apart from too much vomiting, and that was why she had been throwing up blood.

“The doctor’s put an endoscopy tube down though your throat to help fix it. They also gave you some blood transfusions to replace the blood you lost. The tube in you nose is also helping, it’s draining some of the excess blood out. Your blood tests showed that you were very dehydrated and malnourished too. The intravenous fluids should help a little, but the main thing is, you need to start taking better care of your body, or it will stop taking care of you. You were very close to dying young lady. I hope you understand that,” the nurse’s voice got stern as she finished.

Cassie just nodded, unsure how else to respond.

“Is my mom here or dad here?” She asked.

The nurse softened again, remembering that her patient was just a child.

“Your mother just ran down to the cafeteria to get a drink. She should be back shortly.”

“Thanks,” whispered Cassie, her throa was still hoarse

from all the tubes that had been shoved down it.

It was over a month later that Cassie finally got to go back home. She stayed in the medical hospital for a little under a week, and then was transferred to a psychiatric unit specializing in eating disorders.

The first thing Cassie did when she got home was eat an ice cream cone to please her parents. The thing Cassie wanted most in the world was for her parents to love and be proud of her.

The second thing Cassie did when she got home was to throw up the ice cream cone. Old habits die-hard. You have to be ready and willing to recover. Sometimes, even though you’re ready, it’s hard to be willing. Cassie wasn’t either.

Eating disorders are tricky beasts. They grab hold of you and just don’t want to let go, then somewhere along the line you grab hold of them back.