Look closely and you will see
the sea reflected in her eyes;
wind and waves and seagulls' cries,
the image of a distant land:
a kingdom of dreams and visions,
the outlines of footprints in the sand;
faint hopes, vague premonitions,
memories both strange and grand;
it's greenness strongly tinged with solitary sadness,
haunted by unassuaged passion and fiery madness;
a mermaid's far away padradise:
the home for which she longs and sighs...
Look yet deeper into her eyes
and through the ethereal mist
see the ancient Spartan tryst:
a castle, old and worn;
a lady, tattered and torn,
her thoughts, ever weaving, ever unravelling;
there, in her castle by the sea
faithful Penelope awaits forlorn,
the return of her Ulysses on some future, glorious morn!
A contest entry
- Deep Waters by InksterMoxy.
475 points, ended January 19, 37 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Poems - Join! by Unice the geek.
100 points, ended August 18, 50 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Your absolutely best poetry! ENTER! by EverRose.
169 points, ended August 24, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Mythical by Lady Mannequin.
124 points, ended August 29, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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wow , that's all i can say. that was, is amazing.
one of the best poems i've read in a long time. Very very well done
Schniztel
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5.
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One word - WOW!
Actually, two - AMAZINGLY WOW!
Haha.
You have some talent there!
Thanks for entering my contest!
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Wow!
So elegant, and pretty! And such amazing detail and description, and even though it was short, I still loved every bit of this and I hope you write more! You know, this would actually be a really interesting story if you made it into one? Hmm...lol.
Good luck and wonderful writing.
-Rose
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Oh, wow!
That seemed so very... graceful! Your rhyming was perfect! I mean, absolutely perfect!
Even Homer would be hard pressed to not smile at this. -
Great
A very good poem with deep meaning and feeling for the mermaid waiting for certurys for her love to return. You have given this reader a sad, desolate, woman, alone and in all honesty one who will remain alone as she watches from her castle by the sea. -
conspiracy
Ok I didn't read it right the first time, got the meaasge as in goverment and world events. I do have some doubts about who really rules this country, don't get me started on the goverment.
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The Greeks, eh?
Well, to tell the truth, I don't think this was terrific, just good. But good's good, right? I did not notice many errors, nor did I find a pattern in the rhyming or a rhythm of any kind. The words were just there, kind of. I'm no expert, I should say that out loud, but maybe you should try to find a rhythm to the words? I mean; there are poems without any rhythm or rhyme, but it just gets easier for the reader, you know? Or maybe it's just me, that's also a possible solution. It was a nice poem, though.
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I am a big fan of greek mythology and I enjoy your writing style. There were no typos that I could find, and it had a beautiful flow. thank you for entering, and nice job! i hope to see more of your work in some of my upcoming contests!!
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Ah, the sea...
...the beautiful sea...how it draws one to look into its depths and nature...I was a sailor in the Navy, then built my own boat and sailed the Bahama's....learned a lot about that ocean and her moods...very nice write...thank you...
John
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NICE! Very Nice! I loved the rythem to this! Great work! I thought it was very beautiful. I could see what she saw and felt was she felt... amazing!
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1
interesting. one of my favorite epics. thnx for entering my contestt -
This is beautiful and touching. Wonderful job. I really enjoyed it.
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Look Closely...and you will see...
The real Anaya, poet, emerge.
Lovely piece. So fresh, so clean, crisp and gratifying to unearth a real piece of poetry here.
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I don't get into poetry much, but I really liked this.... I think what makes it enjoyable for me is that it reminds me of a poem by Edgar Allan Poe. He has always been one of my absolute favorite authors. Nicely done.
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This peice is quite good, very well written. I liked it!!!!!
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I love it :)
I am a big fan of greek mythology and I enjoy your writing style. There were no typos that I could find, and it had a beautiful flow. I felt a tinge of sadness, yearning for the sea, as I think you were trying to convey in this poem. It was very exquisite, you are a talented writer. I love the ocean with a passion aswell
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I absolutely loved this. Wonderfully written. Magnificent imagery. Very nicely done. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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This was great. I love looking at the sea this way. Thanks for sharing.
Welcome to storywrite. Hope to see you around.
~*Brooke*~
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Thank you Syren. It's a sad look at the sea. I was going through a very difficult period in my love life back then. I just read Nightshade Necromancy. I think is very well done.
Anaya Roma
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