the girl i love
she is a goddess
she does not die
just opens
a pore in her skin and sweats a vivid wine
and her little pink tongue
that flits in the white cage of her teeth
is not made of cells
but instead of dreams
which coast over my lips and make me numb
and she savors me
cell for sugar
my priestess
for whom my soul builds parapets
and my mind wails from minarets
is bast , mary , and isis
her lines form the boundaries of my thought
her lines the chambers of my heart
her lines the peak of
her lines the...
lines
and reduces to me to muteness
And were I to reflect upon the shades of honey and cinnamon that mix to form her skin, I would surely fall ill with tremors and confusion, and find myself in now like never before.
Now like I had never wanted.
Oh, worship.
I venerate the tangent of your curve.
And the want to mix my life and blood with yours,
Is sworn to make the very earth innerved.
Oh, sacrifice.
Coins flow from purse to palms' appeal
The want of love and lust and life from you,
Is tasked the soul of man and god to steal.
Oh, plain.
When man scorns form and grace and style.
And people clash down through the great abyss.
A woman will still every man beguile
And man will always strive for woman's kiss.
A contest entry
- Sugary Sappy Lovey Dovey Affection by plurangel.
200 points, ended August 22, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You deserved waaaaaaaay more than bronze on that one. Pssh.
Although it isn't sappy, when I think about it, so maybe not. -
you greatly displayed your affection for this woman. I loved how you reflected your affection for her in everything you love about her. lines such as "and man will always strive for woman's kiss." beautiful absolutely beautiful. and how you described that she was a goddess and a priestess i love it. goodluck in my contest.
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a pore in her skin and sweats a vital wine..
not exactly a very suitable line, in my opinion. I would also have strayed away from using 'astarte' idolatry tremors, for mere keeping up of the flow...
Okay, I really liked this. Original and unique format, and thank god this is freeverse! I love freeverse! The theme is very uncommon and that just goes on an advantage as I LOVE uncommon themes! On the whole, excellent job!
Teeny prob with flow, but only cuz of the big words, other then that wonderful! That was my opinion anyway!
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Hehe, I really like the format, even though I don't get it... like it's written on a piece of paper as the first draft.
Good Job!
Good LUck in the contest...
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There's just something about those last two lines... I like them, but I almost feel as if I'm getting a moral. Hmmmmm...
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This is still my favorite poem of yours, possibly because I'm still in the "female reverence" stage. If the mother goddess ever returns at large, you'd make a great altar boy. =3
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