One hundred and five, one hundred and six… the late evening was wearing heavy on me, blurring my vision. The glittering points of light against midnight fused till it looked like a painter had taken a brush and painted a white, misted ribbon across the sky. I sighed, lost, and began once more. Orion, the celestial hunter of the virtuously chaste; one, two, three… Taurus the bull, shimmering stud of the night; four, five, six, seven… The Gemini weaving their doppelganger limbs around each other; eight, nine, ten, eleven… Carefully, I counted the ancient glow of far away stars, fighting off the sleep that threatened to overwhelm as the iridescent illumination overwhelmed the sea of black, and losing myself divine beauty. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…
Author notes
Prompted with counting stars.
A contest entry
- Paragraphs by Asfand.
230 points, ended August 10, 2007, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
This was very good imagery. I can see it in my head now. It's funny because when I was in Portugal, theres this one place that if you look up, the whole sky is full of stars and I never saw so many stars in my life and I was counting them like how you did here. Reading this brought back that memory that I never want to forget. Thank's and keep up the good work.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Final Score: 85
-
Final Score: 85
-
Here's my score:
Title: 8
Grammar: 9
Feeling: 8
Imagery: 10 (highest yet)
Uncommeness: 8
Flow: 8
Originality: 9
Beginning: 8
Closing: 9
Over all: 8
Best Score: 85 - wonderful!
-
Very nice imagery in this piece. I love imagery so this was right up my alley. Good job on this and good luck in the contest.
-
good stuff
fun quick read. We don't look at the stars enough. reminds me of existential writing. thanks for the read.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
