A Man walked through a wooded glade. Circling once around His pond, muttering sorcerous words of power under his breath, all the while the fingers of one hand were tapping on his staff, while his other was making small waves in the air. 1
He glanced down at the pond, delicate branches of pine trees, seemingly taller than the sky, reflecting off its gently shimmering surface. Its surface rippling with some type of activity. The ripples coalesced into an image of a fair maiden, in place of the conifers around Him. 2
A lass whom he was intimately aware of. How many times had he sat here just so, staring at the beauty before him, wishing he could tell her everything, all those things which couldn't be said to her now. His hand was moving again, and that oh so familiar tapping was heard by the trees. The image shimmered again and became the view from the pond she was coming up on, clear blue sky, branches from nearby bushes overhanging the waters edge. 3
He leaned in very close to look at her. Then she dunked her head in the reflecting glass! Her head came through this side of the pond and she was staring face to face with him. He could do nothing to break the contact, to do so would rend her life from body. She jerked her head back with ferocity, and he immediately ceased his mutterings. She faded away and was lost to him once more. 4
He did what he could for her while she was still in a magic shock. The deliverance and retraction of huge magics often drained people who were untrained. He tidied her up and filled her skin with fresh invigorating water, much better than the sluice in the pond. 5
He sat upon a rock that wasn't there before, and put his face to his hands. He did not shed a tear, there were no tears left for him to cry. He let the image of her beauty fade from his head much as it did from his pool. 6
She could feel fear and anger rising inside her. Clouds were starting to roll in from the Ridjak Ranges. She needed to know who that man was and why he kept invading her thoughts, for she was sure that image that was seen in the pool was just her delerious mind working its tricks on her. She knew nothing about him and wanted to know everything. Her knees, folded under her body, started to feel the full weight of their master, as she slumped down further. Katarin could take it no more. Thunder cracked. And she wept. And the sky cried with her. 7
In the middle of the ferocious storm, any bird could answer a woodpeckers call, but not this bird’s pecking. Again the tapping in the trees resounding off of fir’s and pine. This time his focus was not towards the earth, now it was aimed upwards into the clouds that shed tears to the earth. Each drop that fell to his eyes delivering a different image of what it had seen in it’s too short life as an individual. Falling among its brothers on the quills of trees and mounds of earth and root. He saw a Rannek approaching Katarin. He knew who this one was, and did nothing to slow his approach. Perhaps he even helped his progress along the way, lessening the rain in some areas around and in front of this Rannek orphan.8
He feared that now he had tampered with the magic’s creation, thereby distorting and weakening the power that bound it. His work as such must cease though there was certainly more to do.9
Author notes
hopefully will be a book someday
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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if thats not a good critique, i don't know what qualifies
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yay! its still good! even in a second chapter! I'm going to keep reading, yay! Hurrah for good writing talent! You are now my friend!
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mm ya i liked the part about the storm and her crying "Thunder cracked. And she wept. And the sky cried with her." lovely lovely...still very detailed (yay) i like details obviously. awesome job *reads on*
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hehe yeah i try to add hints of poetic description into it *bows as you read on* thank you for your patronage
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ooh! i love that pond! the way she stuck her head in the water and came face to face with him, that's so neat!! i love the way you describe things "and the sky wept with her" or something along those lines...yeah anyhew...8goes to the next section*
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WOOP WOOP!! hehe, glad you are liking it, next chapter you get to meet the Rannek...and chapters 4+5 are super!! hehe but you read at your own pace take your time and such......*walks off muttering about payday and windshields*
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Still going well... it's one of those ones that you have to keep reading to understand. I have to go to work now, though, so I'll read more a little later!
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wow wow wow! *keeps going*
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I want to know why shes in a field on her own and exhusted. is she travelling somewhere?
should i keep reading?
some parts are confusing me... but i spose you found out more when you read, huh?
its pretty good so far -
I LOVE all of the detail... you set the setting so perfectly and intrude so deep into each character's thoughts... it's just so amazing.
Did I mention that you're talented? Keep writing... I'm off to the next chapter...
*Kate* -
Ok. A lot of good stuff here: a story, characters, development of those characters, conflict between characters.
My suggestion is to write this in epic format, like Ilid and the greeks did. It would flow better and you'd find ways to liven it up a bit. -
I had left a comment on this part last night as well...hmmmmm...lol
well...I did read...and I'm going in a moment to read more of this story...it's awesome!
~Pamela -
left me wanting more!!!!! this is really good, i enjoyed reading into this story, its well worth the pretty longish read thats for sure. This story intregued me
well done cant wait to read more!
Emma -
Wow great write! Tons of emotion, not exactly poem format but as i always say its not the format,stanza's or lines that make up a poem it's the words emotion and thought behind it, and this is definatly poem material! Good poem, Keep penning on!
~~JordanRene~~ -
You have now added a twist to the story John - it's hooked me.
~Von~ -
very cool imagry. Love the story so far jonny
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