Serena walked anxiously into Victoria’s chamber and her celestial heart rate increased as she saw the way the angel was solemnly seated on her bed with her beautiful green eyes staring worriedly at her hands, which were clasped tightly on her lap. This wasn’t the Victoria she knew. Victoria was the perfect Angel; always cheerful always positive because to her, everything would always have a bright side. So the fact that Victoria was worried made Serena wonder if something had gone horribly wrong.1
“Victoria?” Serena said as she moved to sit by her. “Victoria what is it?”2
“Oh Serena!” Victoria blurted as she tightly grasped Serena’s hands. “Gosh Victoria what’s the matter!” said the currently startled Serena. She had never seen her friend like this.3
“Its about Jason.” Serena felt her whole being stiffen. Her hands suddenly began to tremble beneath Victoria’s grasp. “What about him?” She muttered carefully.4
“Is he…?”5
“No.” Victoria quickly answered shaking her blonde head from side to side. “But Serena, you have to remember that you’re an angel. You must be strong. You’re a warrior so no matter what…”6
“Victoria please!” suspense ate at Serena.7
Victoria took a deep breath. “The Elders found out Serena, about what Jason did. About how he murdered a human during our last war with the Dark Force.”8
Serena grew frantic. “No! no, no, I...it was accident… didn’t you tell them?”9
“I tried Serena… believe me, I did.” Victoria shook her head hopelessly as she squeezed on Serena’s hands. “But they wouldn’t hear anything of it. They said they suspected his intentions from the very beginning. I wanted to tell you right away, but you were still recovering from the war.”10
“Then I’m going now, I have to talk to them!” Serena made a swift attempt to get up only to feel her friend’s hand firm against her shoulder pulling her back.11
“It’s too late!”12
“No!” Serena brushed her off and stood up.13
“They banished him Serena!”14
“No!” Serena was currently on the verge of tears and Victoria fastened her arms round her.15
“Where?” Serena said solemnly.16
“What?”17
“Where did they banish him?”18
“To earth, the darkness would have been to harsh a punishment.”19
Serena closed her eyes and sighed in relief as Victoria released her but took hold of her hands.20
“Serena I’m so sorry, I knew how much you loved him. It was so visible in your eyes. What do you intend to do now?21
Serena looked meaningfully at Victoria and in Serena’s eye Victoria saw it all. Her eyes widened. “No!” She gasped. “Serena you can y- you musn’t!”22
**************23
Serena looked out the window of the shabby apartment and then sighed as she walked towards the table to grab her bag and get off to work when she was startled by a familiar sound. “Where’re ya off to so early Angel?”24
She turned around to find him standing by the window. His dark stunning features in silhouette from the light that reflected from the window.” Ever heard of knocking Jason? Or even using a door?" She stared at him coldly. "Barging and sneaking into my place like some, some.. "25
"Demon?" He smiled teasingly his extremely dark eyes almost twinkling as he stepped forward making his features clearer, she almost gasped. "Barging in is what I do best Angel."26
"What do you want Jason?" She snapped.27
"No need to get all touchy babe, I'm just a messenger."28
"I told you Jason, I’ve told you a thousand times that I’m not interested." 29
"I mean think about it, with the knowledge you have already, and the powers we are willing to give you." He looked at her. "Serena you could be unstoppable! The most powerful demon whoever lived… Besides me of course" He added with a boyish smirk30
"Jason I can't believe you actually think I would even consider working with the Dark Forces. I mean even if I left the Light force, some of us still have some dignity in us. We don't just betray our kind and join the opposing side UNLIKE some others."31
He lowered his head and laughed lightly. "Its been a year angel...let it go." She stared at him coldly. How could he possibly tell her to let it go? What he did was selfish and hurtful. She was heart broken; she would never be able to let that go. Sure Jason wasn’t the best of angels, but joining the opposing side was just out of the question. It made her fall apart on the inside and she wished he'd stop calling her angel, as if everything wasn't bad enough. Every time he called her that, she couldn’t help but feel like he was mocking her, trying to remind her that she would always be… a Fallen Angel.32
"You're hateful Jason. You know that?” He grinned that crooked grin that always stole her breath, "I'm a demon, I'm not the same guy you once saved lives and fought demons with. You’re going to have to accept that sooner or later.” That stabbed Serena like a blade, probably because it was the truth. "Maybe you're right… I have to get going to work now." She fought back tears. "Get the heck out of my apartment." She headed for the door. "Serena just one more thing."33
"What!" she said without looking back. 34
"Was there really ever anything between us?" Serena was stunned. "I mean at some point…you know, when we were Angels…” He spoke with slight difficulty, “ I thought we were more than just 'friends'."35
She turned around. "Why? It doesn’t matter now, never will.”36
"You're right. It doesn’t."37
"Good bye Jason." She briskly left for work.38
Jason flew after Serena with his form invisible to the human eye. He could still recall Serena's painfully mocking laughter the first time he told her about the proposal the Dark forces had for her, it lingered in his head over and over. He was furious that she found it funny. Jason and brought up the idea at the DFS (Dark forces) so he and Serena could have a shot again. He missed her. Despite the fact that he was a demon, he still missed the old times...with Serena. He thought they had something, no matter what she said, he was positive they had something. But he couldn’t stay; those elders were just annoyingly stubborn. Despite how much he pleaded they wouldn’t let him stay, even after he threatened to join the opposing side. He couldn't do it anymore, couldn’t sit back angelically while murderous humans, killed recklessly and got away with it. If Angels weren’t supposed to kill humans, well the hell with it, he wasn’t born to be an angel.39
He gazed longingly at Serena as she swiftly but gracefully strode along the sidewalk. She was so beautiful. Her long graceful blonde hair shook slightly in the wind due to the she walked briskly down the sidewalk. Her tall slender features moved swiftly. He tilted his head and squinted as Serena stopped and crouched in front of a little girl. A smile quickly spread across her face as she handed the girl something. The girl smiled to. He smiled gravely to himself. So that was weakness of Serena that he was informed about. "I'll just see how much Serena value's the life of this girl." He thought wickedly.40
“Victoria?” Serena said as she moved to sit by her. “Victoria what is it?”2
“Oh Serena!” Victoria blurted as she tightly grasped Serena’s hands. “Gosh Victoria what’s the matter!” said the currently startled Serena. She had never seen her friend like this.3
“Its about Jason.” Serena felt her whole being stiffen. Her hands suddenly began to tremble beneath Victoria’s grasp. “What about him?” She muttered carefully.4
“Is he…?”5
“No.” Victoria quickly answered shaking her blonde head from side to side. “But Serena, you have to remember that you’re an angel. You must be strong. You’re a warrior so no matter what…”6
“Victoria please!” suspense ate at Serena.7
Victoria took a deep breath. “The Elders found out Serena, about what Jason did. About how he murdered a human during our last war with the Dark Force.”8
Serena grew frantic. “No! no, no, I...it was accident… didn’t you tell them?”9
“I tried Serena… believe me, I did.” Victoria shook her head hopelessly as she squeezed on Serena’s hands. “But they wouldn’t hear anything of it. They said they suspected his intentions from the very beginning. I wanted to tell you right away, but you were still recovering from the war.”10
“Then I’m going now, I have to talk to them!” Serena made a swift attempt to get up only to feel her friend’s hand firm against her shoulder pulling her back.11
“It’s too late!”12
“No!” Serena brushed her off and stood up.13
“They banished him Serena!”14
“No!” Serena was currently on the verge of tears and Victoria fastened her arms round her.15
“Where?” Serena said solemnly.16
“What?”17
“Where did they banish him?”18
“To earth, the darkness would have been to harsh a punishment.”19
Serena closed her eyes and sighed in relief as Victoria released her but took hold of her hands.20
“Serena I’m so sorry, I knew how much you loved him. It was so visible in your eyes. What do you intend to do now?21
Serena looked meaningfully at Victoria and in Serena’s eye Victoria saw it all. Her eyes widened. “No!” She gasped. “Serena you can y- you musn’t!”22
**************23
Serena looked out the window of the shabby apartment and then sighed as she walked towards the table to grab her bag and get off to work when she was startled by a familiar sound. “Where’re ya off to so early Angel?”24
She turned around to find him standing by the window. His dark stunning features in silhouette from the light that reflected from the window.” Ever heard of knocking Jason? Or even using a door?" She stared at him coldly. "Barging and sneaking into my place like some, some.. "25
"Demon?" He smiled teasingly his extremely dark eyes almost twinkling as he stepped forward making his features clearer, she almost gasped. "Barging in is what I do best Angel."26
"What do you want Jason?" She snapped.27
"No need to get all touchy babe, I'm just a messenger."28
"I told you Jason, I’ve told you a thousand times that I’m not interested." 29
"I mean think about it, with the knowledge you have already, and the powers we are willing to give you." He looked at her. "Serena you could be unstoppable! The most powerful demon whoever lived… Besides me of course" He added with a boyish smirk30
"Jason I can't believe you actually think I would even consider working with the Dark Forces. I mean even if I left the Light force, some of us still have some dignity in us. We don't just betray our kind and join the opposing side UNLIKE some others."31
He lowered his head and laughed lightly. "Its been a year angel...let it go." She stared at him coldly. How could he possibly tell her to let it go? What he did was selfish and hurtful. She was heart broken; she would never be able to let that go. Sure Jason wasn’t the best of angels, but joining the opposing side was just out of the question. It made her fall apart on the inside and she wished he'd stop calling her angel, as if everything wasn't bad enough. Every time he called her that, she couldn’t help but feel like he was mocking her, trying to remind her that she would always be… a Fallen Angel.32
"You're hateful Jason. You know that?” He grinned that crooked grin that always stole her breath, "I'm a demon, I'm not the same guy you once saved lives and fought demons with. You’re going to have to accept that sooner or later.” That stabbed Serena like a blade, probably because it was the truth. "Maybe you're right… I have to get going to work now." She fought back tears. "Get the heck out of my apartment." She headed for the door. "Serena just one more thing."33
"What!" she said without looking back. 34
"Was there really ever anything between us?" Serena was stunned. "I mean at some point…you know, when we were Angels…” He spoke with slight difficulty, “ I thought we were more than just 'friends'."35
She turned around. "Why? It doesn’t matter now, never will.”36
"You're right. It doesn’t."37
"Good bye Jason." She briskly left for work.38
Jason flew after Serena with his form invisible to the human eye. He could still recall Serena's painfully mocking laughter the first time he told her about the proposal the Dark forces had for her, it lingered in his head over and over. He was furious that she found it funny. Jason and brought up the idea at the DFS (Dark forces) so he and Serena could have a shot again. He missed her. Despite the fact that he was a demon, he still missed the old times...with Serena. He thought they had something, no matter what she said, he was positive they had something. But he couldn’t stay; those elders were just annoyingly stubborn. Despite how much he pleaded they wouldn’t let him stay, even after he threatened to join the opposing side. He couldn't do it anymore, couldn’t sit back angelically while murderous humans, killed recklessly and got away with it. If Angels weren’t supposed to kill humans, well the hell with it, he wasn’t born to be an angel.39
He gazed longingly at Serena as she swiftly but gracefully strode along the sidewalk. She was so beautiful. Her long graceful blonde hair shook slightly in the wind due to the she walked briskly down the sidewalk. Her tall slender features moved swiftly. He tilted his head and squinted as Serena stopped and crouched in front of a little girl. A smile quickly spread across her face as she handed the girl something. The girl smiled to. He smiled gravely to himself. So that was weakness of Serena that he was informed about. "I'll just see how much Serena value's the life of this girl." He thought wickedly.40
Author notes
Please tell me how you honestly feel about this. Don't be afraid to get harsh. Anything to make this better, dialouge grammar anything. thanks
tell me how you really feel about it.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very intriguing. I'm going to have to read on a bit. I like how they live in the human world, hidden among them. Very well told and written.
~Mab

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Coolness
Seriously? I don't really think this can get better! i don't have a lot of writing experience except for my own writing and other critiques but I loved this! I have never seen anything like it!
-Dani

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sooo good!
you have barely any grammar errors and it was so interesting! lol im gonna go rea dteh rest.
GREAT WORK!

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very interesting need to use some commas in certain places. it makes me want to read more which i will now lol


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This is very well written, and flows extremely well. Great work! Keep it going...I know how it is becoming bored with writing chapters sometimes, but it's so worth it for the reader when things are as detailed and drawn out exactly like they should be.


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Well I thought this beginning was very good, and I was quite engaged in it. It is interesting Serena was an angel and as a human is still fully aware of it, yet reading the story it made sense that she should be. By not having her family in this or having her discover her angelic roots, just jumping in there, it actually makes the story make sense. Though maybe some people would ask.. what was her childhood like? Did she discover she was an Angel or did she always know? In that case didn't anyone try to convince her she was a bit crazy?
I enjoyed it and Jason is really... how can I put it..? There is a certain.. tension with him.. I'd like to see that character develop more.
Well done.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Wow that is so cool!! I can't wait to read more! Well done!!
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i love this....i'm going to read the other chapters as well...i think i might start a new one because your story gave me a wonderful idea! Oh...i'm repaying the favor that u commented o mine. Thank you very much
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
1 - 8 of 8







