Sharon was still in her past when the waiter arrived with the bill, the conversation that Suzi and her had held she could barely remember. 1
“You sure you’re alright Sharon, I have been talking too you the past 30 minuites and all I was getting was a slight shake of the head, or a faint smile. I know I can talk myself silly sometimes but am I that bad?” Suzi gave one of her smiles.2
“I’m sorry Suzi, it must be one of those days, been doing it all morning been hard trying to concentrate for some reason.” She said.3
“Want to talk about it.” Suzi asked.4
“No, no…just must be a Monday morning thing you know? Beginning of the week and stuff.”5
As they sauntered back to the office they killed the time with general chitchat of when they were kids and all the trouble they had gotten into back then. When they reached the doors of the building they said their goodbyes.6
“Well Sharon, you need me you know where I am okay?” Suzi said.7
“I know like wise right?” She said.8
“Of course, who else would I pester? I mean that’s what best friends are for right.” They both laughed and hugged each other. Just then Sharon looked across the street, she noticed the lady off this morning standing, staring. Sharon started too shake uncontrollably.9
“Sharon what’s the matter?” Suzi asked again with concern in her voice. Sharon was unable to let go of Suzi, or take her eyes off the woman.10
“Sharon, What’s going on?” she said.11
“It’s her Suzi the woman off this morning.” She said with a panicked tone.12
“What woman, what happened? Is that’s what’s the matter with you? Is that’s why you have been in a world of your own all through lunch? Tell me damn it, if there is something or someone bothering you I want too know.” Suzi pushed Sharon away, the look in her eyes, she was haunted by something someone and Suzi didn’t know what too do. Suzi quickly turned around too look across the street, there was no one there, who was she on about? Who did she see?13
“Okay you, think it is time you told me what’s going on.” Suzi demanded.14
“No, it’s okay, I’m fine, please just leave it.” Sharon gave Suzi a smile of uncertainty.15
“Am I meant too believe that Sharon, do you actually expect me too buy that? I have known you too long to know when you’re lying too me so tell me now!” Suzi took Sharon by the hand and lead her into the building.16
“Look Suzi, I have to get back too work. I want to get off as soon as I can, too see Gary and Jamie.” She said trying too pull away. Even though Suzi was petite in height and build, she had some strength behind her.17
“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me Sharon, so don’t give me that shit.” Sharon knew she meant business when she heard those words. Suzi rarely swore, only when something had upset her or was bothering her. So Sharon chose the easy option and just went with Suzi, as she knew when she got like that she knew she meant business…18
Author notes
Okay...
Here it is...
I know this is a little boring, but please go with it...
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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No this is not boring. It's clear and in keeping with the rest of the story. The characteristic of the two friends jump off the page. The dialog feels real. This part of the story is also on the uphill. I feel more dialog is good to introduce here.
language: 4, plot: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Why do you make such negative comments in the author's comment section? This is not boring at all! I think it's gripping! Great job! I wish I had time to finish it out tonight, but I only have another half hour on the computer tonight and I haven't answered any of the comments on my work since last Thursday. I'll be back tomorrow evening to finish this! Can't wait!!
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aww i love the names u have used fro this story!
suzi!i love that name it kinda reminds me of sausages sumhow lol
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not boring at all, i'm in for the ride now
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excellent
Very nicely done. Moving along at a good pace, broadening of the characters, keeping up the tension. I am delighted to see i have many more to read. -
This isnt boring at all, I really like this. I cannot wait to keep reading, but their are a couple things that bother me in this piece. "Is that’s what’s the matter with you? Is that’s why you have been in a world of your own" If you read it aloud it sounds awkward. This line reads 'is that is what is the matter with you? Is that is why you have been in a world of your own?' I would re-phrase it to say, 'That is what's the matter with you? That is why you have been in a world of your own?' to me it seems to flow better and make more sense, but that is just a suggestion. It is your work, do what you will. Other then that I can't wait to continue. I was happy to see another short story on here, I too have one posted but did not think there were many people on here who cared for them.
Sinceritamente,
VenomousScorpio
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This is not boring at all. I have to find out who this woman is, if she really exists, is a spirit, or if she is a figment of Sharon's imagination! It is frightening!
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ooh definately NOT boring.......
i cant wait to read the next part...
Ann -
yes, you should definitely put this all together and send it off to a publisher...it's full of intrigue and suspense, very well written and I'm sure it would sell very well!!! You're leaving your readers on the edge of their seats!!! LOL...I'm sure hooked!!
btw, glad she has a best friend who can read her like a book. We all need a friend just like that!!! -
Okay will be waiting for the next one, please let me know again. Thank you so much for letting me know this time. This is very suspenseful, I love it so far.
Red -
Awesome, Nat I agree with Tamara Love this, I am hooked
Karen
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Yeah Sharon really needs to tell Suzi so Suzi can go kick that creepy lady in the arse LOL but for some reason I think creepy lady is gonna end up helping Sharon...Hmmmmm
See how you got me thinking?? I need part 6 now
~~Dawn -
So does Sharon spill the beans in Number 6?
Keep it going Natalia - the suspense is building - I want more......
~Von~ -
i believe you should consider writing novels
for you know how to carry the audience
and it is a good write on your part
onto number #5!
you are holding me in suspense, hurry up!
Tamara
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