Loving Death on the Road

I put the phone onto the hook. I'd just got into the house when the phone rang. It was Mrs. Parker, saying that her daughter, Boyet Parker, had gotten into an accident. She slid out of control and a 16 wheeler...she didn't make it. I shake my head, not able to believe that this is happening to me. No, not now. Its our senior year. I punch the oak table,frustrated. I get up, red-faced already from the tears.

I look out the pained window, out towards the snow covered road. A Ford Taurus drives by slowly. I shake my head, and push against the window for support. Tears slide down my face and drips onto the hardwood floor.

I knew better than to think it was an accident. But I don't call back. I don't even speak it. Silently, I slide out a piece of paper. I know it all to well, word by word, phrase by phrase. But I unfold the already well crinkled paper. As it opens, I see the dried tear spots of both hers and mine. I read it, through tear filled eyes...

“Ed,

I know that we have been over this, a thousand times before. But I feel as if its over. These cuts,...go deeper than just the skin. They tell me, how everything isn't as bad as I believe them to be. But I know they are. But (a tear stain had washed this away), matter anymore. Nothing will bother me soon enough.

Don't worry about me. No one does. But please, remember me. For who I was, not what I am.

And Ed....I love you.
Boyet”


I folded it back to the way or it was...or close. My hands trembled. After taking a few deep breaths, to steady myself. I pick up the phone, and dial the number that I've called a million times before. But this time I stay on the line. I hear the phone pick up, and I'm greeted by a sniffling voice, “Yes...who's-who's there?”

“Its me...Ed.” I reply, trying to keep calm.

“Oh, Ed.” The woman on the other side of the line was starting to say. But I cut her off.

“Mrs. Parker...can I...I have something to show you....its about Boyet.”

She started crying again, but she managed a “yes, of course”. I told her I would be over right away.

Hanging up the phone, I look about the empty house, since my parents were out of town. I go over towards the door, and take my keys off of the hook, and go out to my car.

As I put my Probe in reverse, I think about what had just happened that day. Cautiously, I back up slowly, and turn out of the driveway. I slip in one of my cds, I don't know what it is, but I need some music, and time to think.

The ride continues this way. Pulling into their driveway, some 6 miles later, I see that most of the cars are gone. Parking the car, I step out, and lock the door. Trying to bide some time, I make sure that everything is in my pockets, that I need. Wallet, keys, note. Sighing, I walk reluctantly to their door.

Knocking on the door, to what I thought was to soft. Mrs. Parker answered the door, "Ed, Ed, come-on in" blowing her nose as she shut the door behind me. I put my arms around her, and let her cry on my shoulder for a bit, and saw her husband walk into the room. I put out a hand, for him to shake it,

"Its okay guys. Shes in a better place." I don't know how they could believe me, when I didn't know myself.

"So...what did you need to tell us, Edward?" Mr. Parker says, in his usual gruff voice, but a hint of sadness breaks it.

I sigh, "Can we...sit down?" They nod, and lead the way to the living room, just ahead. They motion for me to take a seat. Sitting down gently into one of the recliners, and reach into my pocket, and retrieve the note. I hand it to Boyet's dad, then say, "She, Boyet, gave this to me...a...few days ago," I fight back tears, "I should've done something..."

All during this time, he had been reading the note, and shaking his head, in both anger, and sadness, he sets the note down. "Why didn't you say anything? Or do anything for that matter!" His wife, putting a hand on his shoulder, the other reaching for the note, tries to comfort him, "What do you mean?"

I look to the ground, not wanting to meet his gaze, "I....I don't know." Then the tears came. "I loved her...But she didn't love herself. I tried to help her...but she didn't help herself." I shook my head, tears flowing freely from my eyes. Putting my head into my hands, I shake my head, ashamed of everything at that moment.

I hear a gasp, Mrs. Parker just read the note. "Bu-But why would she do something like that? I...I don't understand" I shake my head, unable to speak, and not knowing.

After a while, I manage to say, "I tried to help...I did! It's my fault shes gone! If I would've done something else, something more, She would be here! Why! Why!" I get out of the chair, and go to the door. Slamming it open, in a rage of sadness, I push open the screen door, and head to my car.

"Get back here Edward!" The familiar gruff voice called. I turn towards him, and walk. Standing straight up, ready for whatever may be coming. Expect him to hit me, I close my eyes...but I feel a pair of tough arms around me. Opening my eyes, I see the seemingly tough man weeping on my shoulder. "I...we, can't thank you enough, for being here, telling us this. Boyet would've been proud of you. She loved you so."

Mrs. Parker came out, carrying her daughters diary. The one I had gave her last valentine's day. "She...would've wanted you to have this, Ed." The man then let go, and I took the diary. Feeling its somewhat familiar leather cover, with a ancient looking willow tree etched into it. I hug her, and thank her. "I just wish I could've done more for her."

We all embraced each other, for a little while longer, then I headed home. A slow, somber, ride home. Parking in my space, I head into the house. Not even saying anything to my parents, who, I would guess, just got home too, I go up to my room. Sitting down on my bed, I open up the diary, and it opens to the last page:
"Ed, I love you. And I know that, if your reading this, than my plan worked. I'm no more. I love you more than anything, but I can't go on with this pain in my heart. This is a cruel world, and I don't know what I did to deserve this.

But even as I'm writing this, I remember all the times that we have been together, the first time we went out on a date. A movie, Chicago. You did not want to see that movie at all, but you knew that I wanted to. I still say that its one of my favorite movies. You even bought me it for my Birthday, once it came out.

I don't want to remember the past, but I have to, it gives me some hope. I try not to think of us, of you. It pains me to much.

But, until we meet again, in eternity, I will always love you,
Boyet."


I open my eyes to bright morning. Bolting upright, I look around. I see the diary on my dresser, and rush to get it. Flipping through it, its empty. "What the?", Then I hear a groan, turning back, I see Boyet. "Have a bad dream?" I stand there, stunned. There's something about her...but what is it?

She looks older! I go into the bathroom to look into the mirror, and I'm older too! But then it all comes back. It was just a nightmare. I start to walk back, and see her in the doorway, "Whats wrong?" I go to her, and hug her tightly, and whisper, "Nothing".