I'm sitting here, and sweating. I can't dry from the shower I took. There's no wind to get cool, and no air to breathe. I’ll have to burn. I'll have to live in torture. It’s too hot in here, I feel I can't see in front of my face. I'm so tired, but can't sleep. I lay down, and my face turns as red as can be. I'm running out of room to breathe. I'm taking up too much space. I have to hold my breath, and only breathe when it has to be. I'm glad I have Gods Grace.1
Author notes
If you get what I'm writing about, and why I put that last sentence, please tell me.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Haha you're pretty much right on target! Besides the fact that i live in ohio, It was exactly right. :-)
Thank you for your comment
-Karen Sue-
Romans 8:28 -
wow...so many possibilities.I imagine the desert in the dead of summer since that is where I grew up.On a darker scale I would say perhaps you are in hell.Either way a fabulous write.Thanks so much for entering and as always...
Blessed be
~~Serenity~~
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Hmm.. i dont find myself unhappy. But it wasnt really important where i was, it was more of a feeling. I wanted to describe my feelings, and then at the end say that i was Glad i had Gods Grace.. cause if it wasnt for his Grace, I would be going to Hell, which is over a billion times worse.
Thanks for your comment.
-Karen Sue-
Romans 8:28 -
The idea isnice. Someone that's so unhappy, but still find him/herself blessed in any way. But it's not new. At least maybe not for me. I live in Indonesia, where almost everybody has this attitude to life. I am, though, a bit disturbed by the repetitiveness. Yes, I know it's hot. Yes, I know you're suffocating. But I want to know more. More about the situation, more about the feeling. More playing with words, perhaps. But it's a nice idea. Maybe more description on where you are? Because i find that highly important in a short story, even in a very short one like this. Or maybe, it's just not my cup of tea.
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I used microsoft word, and clicked on "word count" and it said 100 words.
-Karen Sue-
Romans 8:28 -
because if you are already hot, sweating and unable to breathe here on earth, why would you want to go to hell?
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I believe this has 101 words, you might want to count again?
I think you could spare the word here,
"I'm sitting here, and sweating." with the comma you dont really need the and... you'd have more shock effect without it also, it will be more "in your face"
I think this was a little repetative (I dont really know how to spell that word) So... just sound it out
Overall, good job!
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Nice one , I like it snapshot of not it is great! I live in south Fl . With all these hurricane and no power it is hot as hell down here . I know what that is like .
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I consider this to be more of a snapshot of a moment than a story. It's very hard to have a whole plot in such a short piece of text, though! I also found it hard to read: just that the shade of red is rather too dark for the background.
Best of luck! -
Well done, aren't you glad it's not hotter'n'hell where you are although form the write it sure feels like it. Good luck in the contest.
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I liked this poem a lot. It was written really well, keep on writing because this was good- although it was kind of confusing, which is cool- I love reading things that confuse me(I love surreal writers for instance ) Keep on writing, I'd like to hear more
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i have not the slightest clue about what this is about, but it is however a good write, maybe you could explain it to me
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