I felt like I should say something, but I didn’t. He looked so incredibly sad sitting there in the grass with his knees hugged up against his chest, his head hanging low so his blonde hair draped over his face, covering his watering eyes. I knew the pain he was feeling, I could feel it just as violently as he was. My eyes couldn’t bring that emotion forward somehow though. I felt like I needed to be strong for him. If I wasn’t strong for him, who would be? So my tears stayed inside and rained on my breaking heart.
I walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He was shaking. I held on tighter to him, hoping feebly that if I held on tight enough I could cease his trembling. He looked up at me then, his round golden eyes filled with tears, pain, and sorrow.
“How will we ever live without her?” His voice wavered with every syllable he spoke. He sounded weak and broken. I wished I could just take away all his hurting and all his sorrow and put it on me instead. He’s such a good kid, such a better person than I was, he shouldn’t have to go through this. I would gladly take this burden away if I could.
All I could do was look at him. I didn’t trust myself to open my mouth yet, for fear that the emotion of it all might come pouring out of my mouth instead of staying inside where it needed to be right now. And the real truth was, I didn’t know how to answer his question. I had no idea how my brother and I would be able to continue to live our lives without our mother. She was the only thing we had left after our father had run away with all our money so many years ago.
I reverted my gaze back over to the marble stone sitting not even an arms length away from us. Large delicately carved letters formed the name of our mother, Isabella. Purple and white calla lilies surrounded the glossy white tombstone, they were her favorite flower and I had made sure to put plenty here. It would make her happy.
“Brother?” He slowly stood up next to me now, the top of his head coming to about my chin, he was staring down at his feet. “Why did she have to die?” His words felt like they were slicing through my very soul. I winced and clenched my jaw just willing myself to talk to him. I wanted to give him words of comfort, but I didn’t know what to say.
“She was sick for a very long time.” My voice sounded hoarse as it passed between my teeth. I was disappointed that that was the only thing I managed to say.
“I know that. I was there.”
The image of he and I each holding one of mother’s hands a she drew her last breath flashed through my mind. We had seen the life slowly drain from her loving emerald eyes. Her face had been so very white and her body had been so frail, yet she was able to smile at us as she left.
“I had promised her that I would take care of you.” I balled my fists and stuffed them in the pockets of my leather jacket. My hands had started shaking and I couldn’t let him see me weakening.
“But you’re only sixteen.” He said and I almost laughed. I didn’t feel anywhere near only sixteen at the moment. I had grown up knelling at my mother’s deathbed. No one was going to tell me I couldn’t take care of my little brother.
“I promised.” I said with finality.
“I promised her too!” He exclaimed, turning to glare me, “I want to take care of you too!” I gazed at him quite startled. I didn’t mean to upset him even more than he already was. I stumbled across my words and couldn’t form any that would be suitable to say to him, so I fell into a startled silence.
The fall wind kicked up and tossed my hair around my face, dead leafs danced around my feet, and my brother and I just stared at each other. There seemed to have been some kind of unspoken understanding between the two of us then. We wouldn’t be able to make it through this alone.
“We'll take care of each other.” He said and I nodded my approval. That’s when I felt them. Suddenly my eyes were brimming with tears. Warm, salty wetness glided down my face one after another as I looked back at my mother’s name written upon the grave for the thousandth time. She was gone, out of our lives forever, but she’ll never be forgotten. We’ll find someway to live, I’ll make sure of it.
“I’ll take care of him for you, mother,” I whispered to softly so my brother couldn’t hear me, “We’ll take care of each other so that even when it seems like the world is all too much to handle, we’ll be able to survive.”
I took a deep breath, turned around, and started walking away from the now setting sun and my mother’s final resting place. He followed me and even though I didn’t know for sure where we were headed or what the future held for us, I knew that it was going to be okay.
Author notes
I read the rules
for contest: salve amica, tu es puella, calla lilies, and pink
A contest entry
- Big Brothers by Mel-the-Believer.
225 points, ended August 13, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options Inside by Taylor Renee.
500 points, ended September 16, 2007, 59 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Have some fun. by Sammeh Cat X.
100 points, ended August 17, 2007, 31 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Silver Trophy Contest by whichcraft.
140 points, ended December 15, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - You Think You Have What It Takes? by On.Cue.
675 points, ended March 19, 2008, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Brotherly Love by Mel-the-Believer.
160 points, ended March 14, 2008, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This was excellent. I remember this story, but it's still amazing. Wonderfully written. Thank you so much for entering. Good luck. God Bless!
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I think you did a great job with placing emotions and feelings everywhere throughout. You had some grammar and spelling mistakes, though, and some words in sentences that were unnecessary. Be careful how you place your words, too, because the same sentence can either have a flow or a halt in regards to your word placement.
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*tears up*
sniff sniff..i love it so much..!! *is speechless...
beautiful...just awesome!! i love it!
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Speechless
Wow.. This has left me speechless. The emotions there are so strong... It was like someone had got hold of my heart and squeezed it; gently though, so it doesn't hurt, but still enough to let tears come out...
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Very sad
You acheived the sadness in the story you were going for. You described the loss, pain, and loneliness that loved ones feel when they have lost someone they have loved.
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lovely story, the descriptions were great, you really felt sorry for the poor boys!
the ending was nice too, simple and well put together, and full of meaning
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That was so cool! I absolutely loved it, it was very decriptive.
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This story was so descriptive. You could really see everything happening in it. Strong emotions, and it was simple to visualize! The beginning and the end were very great, the content in the middle was very good too, but you could improve it a little with a bit more pizazz like your beginning and ending. I hope to read more of your work, it was wonderful!
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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The emotional impact of the story is well done. your description works and makes the story flow.
You do a good job of building your characters and keeping reader interest. well done.
I have posted some suggestions that might help you :
W
You're missing commas in places, that's easily fixed with a little editing and isn't major.
watch paragraph structure. If you switch persons you should start a new paragraph...
watch words within your sentences. In places you have words that aren't spelled right just misplaced.
"He’s such I good kid," I think you meant "a" not "I" -
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Thanks for the comment and suggestions! you're a big help!
--Greeneyes
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Its sad but I really like it. It is very well written and has great grammar and spelling. All I can say is keep writing. With effort It might get you somwhere big.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was really, really sad.
But, in a way, I think, it was bittersweet. The fact that they will take care of each other and that they love each other is the sweet. I think the bitter part is a little painfully obvious.
So. I really love the way you wrote this, all of the feelings were there and you did a great job expressing them.
Very nice entry. Good luck, and thank you so much for entering my contest!
xoxo
Tay
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lovely story.
very charming, well written and thoughtful.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Way to make me cry! >_>
Good story, though, really! You did a fantastic job of it, and your spelling and grammar were great!
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